Do I always get attracted to the wrong guys? Do I really have commitment issues? Do I ask too much from one guy? And is it true that not good-looking people get married-whatever the commitment is-more than the good-looking one as they don't seek perfection?
.....Playing with my hair, smoking my favorite cigarette, reflecting, trying to remember guys I've met/done in the past two years, the crushes, the stalkers, the sexual crushes, the dating disasters, the assholes, the wannabes, the awesome one nightstands, the perfect fuck buddies and the unidentified relationships. But I could only concentrate & talk now about the last four guys!
B. is a decent, classy, bisexual-oh really?!-, around my age, shares the same mentality, quite sexy but psycho! What was I doing?! How am I still talking to him?! How would any sane guy date someone who is on about four psychological medicaments? How did I bare his crappy mood-swings, his shitty chronic bipolarity, his personality disorders, his inability to sexually perform without being stoned or drunk and and...?! Was it the guilty feelings of letting him down that kept haunting me whenever I decide to leave him alone with his issues that he can't change? Yes, I had the extremely desperate hope that he will change one day and appreciate that I was
there for him, that pretty future image which was giving me some faith but apparently the image
was like a fake fabulous "Prada" bag which was shiny from outside but "Nada" from inside!
It's just I can't! I really don't know how to detach myself! I spent a lot of time in this
unidentified relationship, a lot of bed sheets, an awesome night together in the hotel and
definitely huge effort to turn him from someone who doesn't even kiss to someone who tops the
rimming job and from someone who wasn't aware of how things work in our special world to someone who is aware enough now to be Mr.right for anyone else! and they call me impatient!
Writing the previous lines, made me figured out that lately I'm a magnet to the guys who are
new into the gay world!
Anyway, these were just some thoughts that ran through my head lately in the occasion of
celebrating myself for being single for 2 years by the next Sunday(July the 13th)!
Go to part two
Graphics by: Mazin A.Jeffery
