I did NOT find this funny.
Review of Made of Honor
My assistant told me there would at least be an hour of group powerwalking in this movie. Bridesmaids powerwalking to get their mannies & peddies, powerwalking to the wedding, powerwalking down the aisle. So I watched it while on my treadmill to help me connect with the romance of it all.
I need a new assistant.
Also, how do you turn off a treadmill?
Review of August Rush
A boy named Evan Taylor (Freddie Highmore) lives in an orphanage, all the while believing that his parents are alive. He believes the music that he hears all around him is his parents communicating with him. Evan does not want to be adopted because he believes his parents are still alive.
Through a series of flashbacks, his parents are revealed to be a famous concert cellist named Lyla Novacek (Keri Russell), and Louis Connelly (Jonathan Rhys Meyers), an Irish guitarist and lead singer of a rock band, who spend one romantic night together and never see each other again.
While Evan has believed his parents have wanted him all along, his mother only lately comes to find out that her son is alive and sets out to New York to find him. His father has never forgotten Lyla and doesn't know about Evan! Both have since given up music.
Evan makes his way to New York City, where he is taken in by a man known as "Wizard" (Robin Williams), who houses various orphans and runaways, employing them to play music on the streets and taking a large cut of their tips. Evan immediately proves to be a musical child prodigy. Wizard enlists him and gives him the name "August Rush", convincing him he will be sent back to the orphanage if his real name is ever discovered.
After a raid by the police, Evan takes refuge in a church, where he again impresses with his natural musical talent and is enrolled at the Juilliard School as "August Rush". A work he composes is chosen to be performed by the New York Philharmonic in Central Park, but Wizard barges into a rehearsal, and Evan reluctantly follows him back to his life of playing on the streets.
Meanwhile, Lyla has discovered Evan's identity and has been living in New York searching for him. While there, she decides to resume her cello career and is chosen to play in the same concert which features Evan's piece. Louis, believing Lyla to be married, also returns to New York to resume playing with his former band and has a chance meeting with Evan in Washington Square Park.
The night of the concert, Evan finally chooses to run from Wizard in favor of performing at his concert. Louis races to the park when he sees Evan's pseudonym along with Lyla's name on a sign billing the concert. Evan conducts his piece, and at its conclusion, he turns around to see Lyla and Louis standing hand in hand.
He finally makes the connection that they're his parents.
Review of Tropic Thunder
At first I just wanted to see this because I thought it was so damn strange that Hollywood would make a movie with a character in black face. It was strange!
I feel bad, but I laughed at some parts of this.
But seriously, I mean, he is in blackface! Who the hell greenlit that?
Pansexuality should be the Future's label!
Gay, bisexual, straight, Bi-curious, gay in denial, straight acting & looking(yeah RIGHT!), top/positive, bottom/negative, both/versatile, both more top, both more bottom, master, slave, dog....too much labels, no?
I couldn't help but wonder what did we benefit from all these labels?!....more & more confusion, I believe!
I don't know why gay people care so much about sexual labels more than non-gay people?! Why fun should be defined in one or two terms? It really triggers my nerves when someone asks me about my role! If you are top then fine, I'll be pure bottom for you and vice versa! It is not a big deal! Life is too short to fill it up with confusion/illusion well cooked by your own fucked-up brain to curse yourself and people around you! You should enjoy every microsecond of your life to the fullest as you can never know what tomorrow is hiding for you! You could get your soul mugged out of you!
I believe that the person who came up with the "pansexuality" term had such a huge zest for life, like the zest of Santa Clause on Prozac getting laid in Disney land!
Pansexuality should be the future's label so that there won't be more fuss, confusion, issues, guiltiness, regret and the list continues! Don't you agree that we will live happily ever after if everyone cared less about those bureaucratic labels?!
Oops I got mugged again!
It's so depressing, I got sprayed by self-defense, mugged, everything is gone AGAIN! The 2 months old laptop, the 2 days old 8MP camera in addition to my wallet!
I lost 2 laptops and 2 cameras in less than 6 months!
It seems that I financially & emotionally attract muggers as my "Spectacular" friend said!
Another empty HP box, another empty camera box! Anyone up to garage sale?
So I don't know if I'll be able to write again or not!
Review of Wanted
This was like watching the Harry Potter movies. No, more like reading Harry Potter.
Sometimes I think I could be a wizard.
I liked this movie.
Social class gap: Double dating!
"Love conquers all...Almost 2 weeks passed since I last saw or heard from Mr.B, I decided that the fuss/drama has to end so I literally blocked and deleted him from my life, Sometimes I do like Bree Van De Cap of desperate housewives show when it comes to emotions so Whenever I feel my emotions getting the best of me, I simply picture an empty box and I take whatever am feeling and put that in the box and then i picture myself putting the box away in a big empty closet and closing the door then if I've time, I go back and open the box and deal with the emotion in private like a gentleman(Bree said like a Lady though).
Every cloud has a silver lining...
Faith could move mountains...
Love will always find a way to you...
Everything happens for a reason...
Where there is life, there is hope...
Bla bla bla...
They gotta tell u something, no?!"
I couldn't help but believe that some people come to our lives and destined to leave it no matter how strong we holded on them in a vain desperate hope to postpone their departure time!
People are like dogs. Tame them, they'll obey. Bite them, they'll bite back. But have your gun ready when one day, the dog will go wrong! so I decided to live again for myself and vigorously run after anything that would triggers the activity of my serotonin!
I had 2 sex dates yesterday on my agenda, I don't usually like to double date but I was tempted enough specially that I wanted to be as less emotional as I can but also another reason made me go for the double dating thing yesterday as both of them were extremely different! It was like eating Egyptian salty spicy pickles after having a "Layali Lebnan" dessert(Speaking of that dessert, I really miss u G)!The first guy was 27 years old Lebanese hunk/bear, very hottylicous and Spanish looking assistant director! I know him for a period of time but I couldn't put my hands on him when he was in Cairo the previous time so I decided to tie him to bed this time, I took my shower, put my optical contacts on, shaved my promising little beard, scrubbed my face, buttered my body, got dressed, balmed my lips, switched on my car engine, played Samira Saïd's new album(my recent addiction), danced while driving, couldn't care less for the people who are giving me the usual looks, the AC was on and the car was locked.
20 minutes later I was emptying my pockets to pass through Semiramis InterContinental's electronic gate, checked out the hotty golfies in my way from the Lobby to elevators, was knocking the room's door exactly on time as usual(I hate people who don't respect time), there he was, shorter than me, hair sneaking sexily from the edges of his tank top craving to be grabbed roughly, sat on the comfy bed, ran the usual conversation, he came closer, I always enjoy those cute moments before the first kiss when we both run out of things to say, so we kissed, I threw the strawberry gum out of my mouth, unleashed my long tongue(and no darling, not in the lesbian way you are picturing =P) and the rest is history, the bed was in a big mess after we finished though we had vanilla fun, took a shower, dried up, lit my beloved after sex cigarettes, was relieved when I knew that he smokes too(seriously, what's with the smoking-phobia lately? )and since he works in media, I couldn't resist to soak the juicy gossips out of him and sharing some too as I never run out of celebrities gossips(sharing is caring, you know), then the horoscopes conversation replaced the gossips, he laughed when he knew that I could smell LEOs 10 miles away, he believes that all people love Scorpios!.....few minutes later I was back to my car and heading to "Madinet el salam" !
The second guy was 25 years old Egyptian guy, low-middle class, living in Nasr city, his "sweet house" was in that remote, ugly, low class and vulgar area near Heliopolis that I've never been to before so I was pretty excited to explore it, I waited him in front of the famous Microbuses station there, I was in my car smoking a cigarette with the AC on as I couldn't stand the weird smell outside, people everywhere around me are running to catch any bus, lots of microbuses pull over to discarry packs of people and loads new packs, I decided to ignore the looks am receiving and the vibes am sending by making some calls to pass the hateful little waiting time.
Few seconds later someone was knocking on the door's glass, it was him, I unlocked the car and headed to El Salam city.
It was a whole new world to me, narrow streets, sewage effluent everywhere and covered by dozens of people, didn't notice any unveiled girl so far, strauss and glittered clothes everywhere, tight jeans accompanied by thick black leather belts with big buckles, I arrived at the place after many left and right turns, I felt I was like Menna Chalaby in "Ouija" cheesy movie when she was dating a low class hottie and had to wear Niqāb whenever she wanted to go to his apartment but in my case, I had to take off my cross necklace as I know it will take him a light-year to understand that it is not a big deal if a so called Muslim guy wears a cross for fashionable and memorial reasons!
5 floors of falling down probabilities and we were finally in the apartment, it relftected exactly what I've visioned in my mind, the pigeons in a classic wooden cage in the balcony, Saa'd Soghayar's music-if you classify it as music-far away in the background but you can still hear it, uncompleted paint of some walls, some windows were covered by small curtains instead a proper window frame, all of that was sexy somehow in the end!
I sat beside him on the sofa, he was one of those very sexy low-middle class guys whom you crave every now and then, very well-built, average face, shorter than me by few centimeters, so masculine and worth raising your legs for! We made out on the sofa then we moved to the bedroom, took off all our clothes except for the briefs, we kept making out for long time, then it was time to explore his love making prick, I was shocked, it was average to small sized though he told me before we meet that it's large! OMG How I didn't expect that he will be typical Egyptian low-middle class guy about this thing too?! Now I knew why he has such a great body and gives a mind blowing sex! He was counterbalancing/rebounding!! and surprisingly he had his condom and KY gel ready for action, I always bring condoms to the wrong places! I thought that the Lebanese guy will have condoms for sure but he didn't and that's why we didn't go all the way meanwhile I thought the Egyptian guy won't have any so I bought some before I meet him....Arghh! I hate when this happens! It reminded me of that French charicateur where the Guarding angel said "Eh merde!" when a guy made an accident while the angel was asleep! =D
Review of Dead Man's Shoes
The woman at the video store recommended this. To be honest I can't even understand the accents. I tried to turn on the subtitles but there were no subtitles. Well, there were subtitles, but they were in Spanish. Eventually I just started playing minesweeper & stopped paying attention. I love minesweeper.
The worst hangover ever: The Bonus sex!
A week ago, I was invited to that party of a foreigner friend of mine(who was apparently upset that I left early as he was longing for a "three action" after party with his boyfriend!) at Zamalek, I passed by my "faithful" friend at Maadi to pick him up as I wanted to entertain him a bit till his boyfriend comes back from his vacation, we were fashionably late, I greeted the host and introduced my friend then I greeted my other friends who were there already, I called my Jordanian LEO friend to invite him over if he wasn't off to Agamy yet, I made myself a Smirnoff Vodka drink, mingled, socialized, gossiped about who is here and who is there, noticed some familiar faces, tried to remember some, one my "Spectacular" friend used to date, another one my Gulfy buddy used to have feelings for one day!
I thought of spicing up the party with some action-I didn't know that the night still reserving me a big action in the end-instead of watching those regular party faces, I called my Gulfy buddy and invited him over to enjoy the good "drinks" & "music", he arrived, I was getting too emotional so I knew I was so drunk, I let him see how his ex. looks like now, whom he's with and how he quickly denied to people at the party that they were boyfriends one fugly day!
My buddy left shortly after he had accomplished his/my mission, I kept making more drinks for my LEO friend which I regretted doing in the next day as I knew that he made out with almost everyone there, my dear bisexual Moroccan friend called me and kept complaining to me from her ex's lunatic/psychotic fishy actions, I felt sorry for her and gave her some piece of advice, I had one more drink and landed peacefully at Lala Land.
I received one new SMS, it was Mr.B, images from the previous weekend kept coming and going, I remembered that I answered his call on that day and planned to do something on the next weekend, so I shortly realized what was the message for, It was almost 2AM, I texted him back that I'm drunk and partying in Zamalek, he invited me over, I was too drunk/emotional to resist the temptations of the Bonus sex so I texted him back that I will come if we will kiss and that he should call me every while to check up on me on my to Nasr City, I excused from my friends, I felt sorry for my friend whom I came with as I was supposed to drop him back to Maadi which made me wonder for a second if it’s worth it, anyway I was too drunk to function/think!
15 minutes later, I was waiting for him to open the door, there he was, still sexy but with 20 pounds less! Don't Know if it was the prolonged muscles disuse or if he is back to coke or whatever! I couldn't really care less!
We did the quick lame "catch-up" thing, I smoked two puffs from the joint, we jumped into bed, it was as easy as a pink bicycle with rainbow colored tassels hanging from the handle grips, once you knew how to ride it, you will never forget how to ride it again and again!
I woke up the next day having the worst hang-over ever! I tried to remember what happened last night, a slide show kept haunting me, How I was that emotional with him on bed?! How resting my head on his hairy chest was my dream apartment?! How we kept cuddling like 2 boyfriends and none of us discussed anything of the emotional electric flow/drama?! How I almost cried and hid my tears when I hardly tamed my tongue from spitting "I love you" and buried it inside his mouth instead?!
How my dignity let me approve to have bonus sex with him even though I knew that he will not contact me the next day?!
I lied to myself and convinced it that am just longing for a last time sex with him and that it is going to be only sex, what the fuck was I thinking?!
Review of Wedding Crashers
Wedding Crashers?
I'm not MARRIED to it!
Get it? Get it?
I wonder if I have any more dark chocolate in the kitchen.
Whatshisface is actually pretty good in this.
Review of The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor
Mummy?
More like MOMMY!
Oh man, Brendan Fraser is a douchebag.
Is that OK? Can I, Maya Angelou, say douchebag on this?
Review of Jumper
Oh boy, I wish I had this super power. I would jump everywhere. Jump, jump, jump, that's all I would do. I'd show up at my friends' houses all the time, like, "oh, I was in the neighborhood." Oh boy, they would be surprised.
This move was pretty bad, though.
Review of Baghead
Every time I say the name of this movie I almost say "Baghdad."
I don't think this movie is a metaphor for the war in Irag, though. That one season of The Wire was, wasn't it? The Hamsterdam one?
This movie fills a void that had existed. A void for movies that cross crappy indie movies with knuckleheaded slasher movies. That wasn't a void anyone needed filled.
Review of Con Air
Man, they fly that plane into all sorts of things!
I can't believe John Cusack was in this.
I can't believe anyone was in it.
Review of The Dark Knight
That mayor guy sure did wear a lot of eye make up.
Was he a good guy? I can't really remember.
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