Reconsidering!

....Cleaning up my mobile messages, deleting messages about things that I don't want to remember, keeping ones that always make me smile, stopped at that message I sent to Ezzie on his birthday, I just couldn't erase it though it made me feel very sad inside, I know that I'm never sweet to anyone by nature, I've a mask-like face, icy blooded and nothing at all really matters to me, that's me! Can't help it! But I'm always sweet to people I care about, they will always matter to me, it's a high voltage sin for me to upset them! It's just I don't comprehend why he is abandoning me?! I didn't do anything bitchy to him to deserve that, on the contrary I'm the one who has all the right at his side to abandon him, I'm not blaming him for not showing up at my birthday party as he was recovering from his inflammated tonsils, but I'm pretty blaming him for not calling or even texting me ever since!

So YES, I'm abandoning him until further notice!
Shall I reconsider our friendship too?


....Thursday night, at some pub with Jovee and some friends, Jovee telling me about his last date, I asked the waiter for another drink and one drink leads to another, he kept telling me how sweet the date is, how good looking he is, how they do match, bla bla bla...I left him with my aha-interesting-happy 4u responses and told him in the end never to wear rayé on rayé again! you look like a hideous zebra!

OUI! C'est la fin! no more physical interaction with Jovee and from now he no longer exists on my "To be dated" list! Enough with young guys! C'est vraiment trop!


....Human beings are designed for many things, but loneliness is not one of them! So shall I reconsider making a family? Does the idea of ending-up alone and childless really terrify me?! Shall I reconsider my suicide's zero hour and make it pre-40?
Most of healthy marriages last for few years but they continue the devastating dysfunctional marriage for the sake of their children or any other stupid precious reason, Do I want to be part of this drama? Being responsible about the impact of my mistakes on my wife or my kids? I guess I won't be able to do it! I know myself, I'm selfish and self-centered bitch that hate to carry any other responsibilities than mine!

....I'm a secretive guy but lately I'm steaming out more via writing than talking with friends!
Will I be uncapable of expressing myself or confronting others on the long run?
Shall I reconsider blogging?