Erik Spoelstra may still have a job, but according to this fantastic satire piece, he may not for much longer: "Pat Riley adopts a baby for Erik Spoelstra to go spend time with."
Worst of the Night in Pictures:
(caption via Basketbawful reader RRR)
All The Games:
Celtics at Cavaliers, 7pm: Shaq ruminating on the early-season loss to the Cavaliers: "We took them a little bit too lightly." On the other hand, nobody can ever take Shaq lightly according to the laws of physics.
Pistons at Magic, 7pm: Detroit is not good at many things. Playing on the road. Playing against teams with winning records. Shooting. Rebounding. So, yeah, get ready for a night filled with Dwight Howard pulling down boards left and right.
Frail Blazers at 76ers, 7pm: Portland hasn't faced four straight losses in over two years, but considering their shooting right now, it's a possibility even if they are just playing against the Seventy Suxorz. With 39.9% shooting as a team over the past four games, Portland couldn't shoot their way out of a wet paper bag. Though I'm not really sure if you would shoot a basketball to get yourself freed from a wet paper bag. Wouldn't you just tear it? And where in the world would you find a paper bag big enough to trap the entire team?
Nyets at Knicks, 7:30pm: The Knicks are at .500 for the season (mostly thanks to beating up on losing teams during a recent favorable scheduling stretch), but only 2-5 at Madison Square Garden. Maybe the team should all hop on a bus and drive around aimlessly for a couple hours before gametime to trick the players into thinking it's a road game?
Lakers at Grizzlies, 8pm: Stat of the day: Derek Fisher is 3-for-21 from the field in his last three games.
Pacers at Kings, 10pm: The DeMarcus Cousins/Paul Westphal rift is just the latest example of the fact that the Purple Paupers are a barely watchable trainwreck. They're the basketball equivalent of Creepies
Spurs at Warriors, 10:30pm: San Antonio has not lost on the road yet this season. Golden State is... Golden State. Guess who I am picking for this game?