Bawful After Dark: Weekend Watch

This is the most quintessentially Pau Gasol picture I could hope to find

Everyone here in Louisville is going Derby crazy (or, actually, the locals are all excited for the Oaks today, since it's the much cheaper, everyman's alternative to the Derby). Me? I don't care. Why watch the fastest two minutes in sports when I can watch the most excruciatingly slow 48 minutes in sports that is playoff basketball? (Just teasing. Kind of.)

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Woah, Cuban's looking a little scary. Is he gonna try to crush my head?

Nope, he's just going to crush Shawn Marion's head instead

Is Larry David drinking tea instead of coffee? Mocha Joe is gonna be pissed

Serious observation: Derrick Rose did not smile when he had to go through the MVP ceremony. I like that from an MVP. He just wants to get that crap out of the way and play.

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Bulls at Hawks, ESPN, 7pm (Series tied 1-1): So are we going to be seeing Boozer's picture on Chicago area milk cartons any time soon? Or, more appropriately, why haven't we already?

Lakers at Mavericks, ESPN, 9:30pm (Mavs lead series 2-0): I fully expect the Lakers to win this game by 30 points just to screw with my head. Nothing in the NBA goes as we expect it to anymore. After all, Dallas had lost 18 of their last 20 road playoff games... and then go take two straight in LA?


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Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Thunder at Grizzlies, ESPN, 5pm (Series tied 1-1): I love you, random Associated Press writers:

Call it the ultimate man defense. Grizzlies forward Shane Battier says he was literally boxed in when stuck in an elevator between floors for 25 minutes on his way to practice.

Heat at Celtics, ABC, 8pm (Heat lead series 2-0): Super-duper depressing stat of the day per John Schuhmann: Score of MIA-BOS series when Glen Davis & Joel Anthony are both on floor (47 min): Heat 83, Celtics 52.


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Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Lakers at Mavericks, ABC, 3:30pm (Mavs lead 2-0 as of Friday morning): Trying to say anything about this game until we see Friday night's game is a waste of time. It'd be like attempting to defend Dirk Nowitzki's fallaway jumper -- it doesn't matter what you do, that thing's going in anyway.

Bulls at Hawks, TNT, 8pm (Series tied 1-1 as of Friday morning): Sebastian Pruiti retweeted this chart of pure, unadulterated pain earlier today: "Check Josh Smith's shot chart in the playoffs."