Worst of the Last Night of the Regular Season in Pictures:
"HEY GIRL. HOW YOU DOIN'?"
This is the look of despair, AKA losing to the Pistons
"Chandler, with the right hook! Down goes Paul! Down goes Paul!!"
Something we've all missed: a facepalming Nyets player
Timberwolves fans are so sad, they can't even be bothered to find a paper bag that doesn't have writing all over it
Hell yeah, little buddy
Nationally Televised Saturday Games: Pacers at Bulls, ESPN, 1pm(Series tied 0-0): According to Joakim Noah, "It's the playoffs, dude. It doesn't get more exciting than this." I beg to differ. Pretty much anything is more exciting than a 1-versus-8 seed series this lopsided. Have you seen the Pacers play?
76ers at Heat, ABC, 3:30pm(Series tied 0-0): Sixers forward Thaddeus Young said "The whole [Heat] team is good. They don't have that record because of just three guys." Um, actually, yeah. They do have that record because of just three guys. Have you seen the rest of the Heat play?
Hawks at Magic, ESPN, 7pm(Series tied 0-0): If I had to pick two teams to define the mediocrity of the Eastern Conference, I would unquestionably choose the Hawks and the Magic. How appropriate they get to play each other right off the bat!
Frail Blazers at Mavericks, ESPN, 9:30pm(Series tied 0-0): Both of these organizations have a rich history... of early playoff flame-outs. Which team will earn the right to get their asses handed to them in the second round???
* * *
Nationally Televised Sunday Games: Grizzlies at Spurs, TNT, 1pm(Series tied 0-0): Z-Bo leading a scrappy Memphis team into the playoffs, and people claiming they actually might give the Spurs all they can handle. If you put money down on that in Vegas three years ago, can I be your best friend? (Because you'd be filthy rich considering those odds, you see)
Hornets at Lakers, ABC, 3:30pm(Series tied 0-0): No David West, Chris Paul playing with one-and-a-half knees... I don't even feel like coming up with something witty to say about this series. It just sucks.
Knicks at Celtics, TNT, 7pm(Series tied 0-0): Just remember, fellow Celtics fans: this starting five has never been beaten when healthy as well! (Yes, I'm aware they haven't played with this starting five yet in the playoffs -- that was the joke.)
Nuggets at Thunder, TNT, 9:30pm(Series tied 0-0): Now here is a nice test of the Ewing Theory. This also is a legitimately super-exciting series I believe. Woooooo playoffs!
I tend to think she's saying "I'm more of a woman than you!"
but feel free to add your own caption in the comments.
The Orlando Magic: First, the Magic went down 0-3 in their best of seven series with the Celtics and everybody was talking sweep. Then Orlando won the next two games and suddenly Boston was old again and in real danger of becoming the first team to ever lose a playoff series after building a 3-0 lead.
Uh huh.
Look, here's the deal. In Game 4, the Celts were a little too full of themselves and the Magic were able to play free and loose because they had absolutely nothing to lose. In Game 5, the officials basically put away the whistles and instituted martial law...which is something that typically benefits the home team facing elimination. Over my 25+ years watching NBA playoff basketball, I've seen this scenario play out many times.
That's not to say I wasn't nervous, but I could kind of see what was coming in Game 6. After all, the Celts were easily the better team in Games 1-3 and came within a terrible possession of winning Game 4 despite playing like shit. In all honestly, I figured they'd come home for Game 6 and take care of business.
And they did.
This game did have a little of the unexpected, tho'. Near the end of the first quarter, the Magic were already down 28-19 when Rajon Rondo -- the dude who was killing them early -- was on the receiving end of a little boom boom pow from (you guessed it!) Dwight Howard.
With Rondo out, it should have been advantage Orlando, right? Wrong. That's when U-Dub alum Nate Robsinson -- the teeniest man on the floor -- took the fuck over.
During and after the game, a lot was made out of the fact that Danny Ainge and Doc Rivers kept insisting that Nate Robinson was going to win a playoff game this year. I can only assume they originally meant "for the other team." But Nate -- with help from the Magic -- made Danny and Doc look like junior Nostradamuses. And that spark pushed momentum irrevocably in Boston's favor.
Orlando would end up shooting 43 percent for the game, missing 16 of their 22 treys, shanking 11 freebies and falling behind by 24 before exiting the playoffs with a whimper. But what can you say? The Boston Stranglers put on a defensive exhibition during the last two rounds of the playoffs.
Said Stan Van Gundy: "They beat two very good teams, and made us look like we weren't very good teams. When you go through two series like that, I think you have to be fair and say a lot has to do with them."
Rashard Lewis: The 118 Million Dollar Man sucked all series long. He played so poorly through the first three games that someone finally leaked that he was suffering a viral infection, that he had been "feeling weak" and "tired" during games and hadn't been able to hold food down.
It's possible, I guess. Far be it from me to question how a professional athlete feels. I can only comment on what I saw, and what I saw was this: The Celtics shut Lewis down by...putting a hand in his face.
That's it.
And really, that's all you have to do to stop Rashard Lewis. My buddy Statbuster referred to Lewis as "a 6'10" Steve Kerr," and he was right. Rashard spots up and shoots. That's pretty much his skill set. When the Celtics opted to stay at home on Dwight Howard, that meant they could minimize Lewis' open looks. After his 3-for-11 stink bomb in Game 6, Rashard's series shooting stats were 19-for-56 from the field (33 percent) and 4-for-23 from downtown (17 percent). And he certainly didn't offset his shooting by taking it strong to the hole: Lewis earned only 10 foul shots all series long, which includes his single trip to the line in Game 6.
His series average for PPG was 8.2.
Vince Carter: His Game 6 was classic Vince Carter. The stats -- 17 points, 7 rebounds, 3 assists -- were good enough that you can't accuse him of flat out quitting. But his shooting (6-for-15 from the field, 1-for-4 from beyond the arc) and his inability to swing a single game in Orlando's favor highlight the fact that Vag is only difference maker for the opposing team. Remember: Carter was supposed to push the Magic over the hump. Instead, he helped push them into an early playoff grave.
I mean, it says something that his two worst games of the series -- 3 points on 1-for-9 shooting in Game 4 and 8 points on 3-for-10 shooting in Game 5 -- were the only two games the Magic actually won.
Look, on paper, Carter is better than Hedo Turkoglu. Much better, even. But Turk worked for the Magic in ways Vinsanity could not and will not. For instance, during last season's run to the NBA Finals, Orlando's money play was Hedo's pick-and-roll with Howard. That was the play that Orlando went to when nothing else was working. Guess what? Carter can't run that play...it was effectively replaced by Vag isolating and pulling up for a long, contested jumper.
And we see how that worked out.
Jameer Nelson: The line: 32 minutes, 5-for-14 from the field, 1-for-5 from three-point range, 11 points, 4 assists, 5 turnovers, 5 fouls, and a game-worst plus-minus score of -23. More than anybody else, even Dwight, Nelson was the motor for the Magic's boat, and he didn't have it in Game 6. Hell, he couldn't even take advantage of Nate Robinson. In fact, Kryto-Nate basically shut Nelson down while Rondo was massaging his back on the sideline.
Kevin Garnett: You know, in an alternate universe, KG could have been one of my favorite players of all time. I love so many facets of his game: His desire, his intensity, his defense, the way he used to attack the boards like a hungry dog during his days with the Timberpoops. Garnett is also a willing passer, a reluctant scorer who can drop 25 points a game on 52 percent shooting but has always seemed more interested in setting up his teammates.
How many 20+/10+/4+ seasons did he have? Nine straight, baby.
And yet...during his Minnesota days stories kept surfacing. Stories about how he used to pick fights with teammates, how he once sucker-punched Wally Szczerbiak after practice. Nothing was ever totally concrete, but it sure seemed strange how these little tidbits kept coming up. Kind of like how Dwight Howard's elbows keep "accidentally" taking people out. Things that happen once or twice are accidents. Things that happen repeatedly are trends.
Then KG came to Boston and his habits were put on a more public display. Turns out all the ugliness that was hidden by the fact that the T-Wolves aren't on national TV was suddenly being broadcast two or three times a week. KG talking smack, KG popping his jersey, KG going after guards and whistling elbows past faces.
The thing is, despite what his critics will tell you, this stuff doesn't happen all the time. There are long stretches of games where Garnett will be silent as the grave, when he lets his game do the talking. But then...SNAP. See, Ron Artest, he's like Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. He's always crazy and it's obvious. KG is more like Hannibal Lecter. He's intelligent and articulate most of the time, which makes it that much more shocking when he starts eating faces.
Which is what happened in Game 6:
I mean...who does that? Not one but two close-fisted punches to an opponent's arm. NBA players dole out plenty of karate chops when guys are grabbing and holding onto them. But what Garnett did was more like something you see in a street fight.
Sadly, that crazy, cruel streak is probably what makes Garnett the competitor he is. It's also why I can't count him among my all-time faves.
The sad bench plus double facepalm equals painful playoff elimination.
The Phoenix Suns: You know how I said I've seen what happened to the Magic happen many times before? Same can be said of the Suns. They played pretty free and loose in Game 5. After all, they had nothing to lose, right? They were guaranteed another home game and even if they didn't win Game 5, they'd still get another shot to steal one in L.A. in Game 7. Of course, the presumes they would win Game 6.
Which didn't seem like a huge leap, right? After all, conventional wisdom says that if the Suns played the way they did in Game 5, only they were at home, then assuming a Phoenix victory was entirely reasonable.
Here's the rub: The Suns were now facing an elimination game. There came a point in the second quarter when Phoenix players seemed to get a case of the yips. Several of their misses were of the in-and-out or roll-off-the-rim variety. Suddenly, guys were hesitating ever so slightly or trying to guide the ball into the rim instead of using their standard follow through. It was as if once the Lakers showed they could break the zone, the Suns felt like they had to score on every possession.
Next thing you know, L.A. was up by 10. Then 15. Then 20.
Let me make one thing clear. This situation isn't the same as a team's will being broken. That's what some Lakers fans thought was going on entering the game. The Suns believed they could win. But when the Lakers withstood their initial offensive onslaught and infact maintained a small lead, nerves kicked in and things snowballed. The game might have ended in a blowout if not for...
Sasha Vujacic: When you're on the road and have the home team on the ropes, the one thing you cannot do is give that team and their home crowd a rallying point. But...that's exactly what Sasha did.
Did Dragic sell that foul to the point of ridiculousness? Hell yeah, he did...just as he should have. If your opponent is going to be that stupid in that big of a situation, it's your right and civil duty to use his stupidity against him.
Unfortunately, that wasn't quite enough...
The Suns' end-of-game defense: Let me start off by saying this: Kobe Bryant hit three of the most amazing, crazy-ass crap shots I've ever seen in an NBA playoff game: A 21-footer with 4:33 left to put L.A. up 97-90; a 21-footer with 1:59 remaining to bump the Laker lead to 101-96; and a 23-footer with 35 seconds to go to make it 107-100 bad guys. Make no mistake: Incredible though they were, those are the shots the Suns wanted Mamba to take: long two-point jumpers that were hotly contested.
But let's face it: Nobody has made -- or, for that matter, even attempted -- more crap shots in league history than Kobe Bryant. In fact, one could make the argument that taking crap shots is his favorite thing in the world next to winning and anal rampage (although not necessarily in that order). You could even say that a lifetime of taking crap shots led to this moment, the single greatest crap shot sequence in living memory. Predictably, those three shots had Alvin Gentry and Steve Nash gushing over Kobe after the game, using all sorts of "best player" hyperbole.
Here's my take. They were tough shots and it was astounding that he hit them. However, as noted, Kobe takes those shots, and he's made an awful lot of them. And he had been zeroing in all series. How many clean looks had Kobe gotten against the Suns' zone? Lots. In the NBA, made shots beget more made shots. Some people don't believe in the "hot hand," but I'm here to tell you it exists. When a player, especially a great one like Bryant, keeps getting clean looks, he gets a "feel" for where the bucket is. Kobe got into a zone against the zone.
As ESPN's John Hollinger noted: "Bryant just kept facing up and shooting contested long J's off the dribble. Normally, forcing such a shot is a huge victory for the defense, but Bryant made a mind-blowing 58.0 percent of his long 2-pointers against Phoenix (hat tip to TrueHoop Network's painted area for that one); usually players shoot in the high 30s from this range. Additionally, the threat of his J was strong enough that he drew several fouls on shot fakes."
In Game 6, Bryant hit on 6-11 "long 2-pointers" (shots from 16-23 feet, inside the 3pt line) along with 3-8 three-pointers, continuing a series-long trend of excellent outside shooting by Kobe.
The Suns actually executed their game plan of forcing Kobe to shoot contested long 2's, but Bryant vastly outshot his normal numbers on long 2's in the series.
In the regular season, Kobe shot .415 on long 2's, and in the first two playoff series, he was down to just .353 from 16-23 feet. However, against Phoenix, Bryant was a remarkable .580 on long 2's, connecting on 29-50.
On top of that, Bryant also made 19-44 (.432) threes for the series, dwarfing his regular-season numbers not only in percentage (.329), but also in makes (3.2 per game, vs. 1.2 in the season).
Whether Kobe can keep his hot shooting going could be a key to The Finals. A linchpin of Boston's defensive strategy is to force Bryant into long 2's, and Kobe hit on just 14-39 (.358) of long 2's in the 2008 Finals.
But again, the Suns' D against those three big shots was solid, and that's the shot you want Kobe taking. No, here's where defense failed Phoenix. First, at the 3:27 mark, Derek Fisher got loose for a tough jumper (99-92). On L.A.'s next possession, Pau Gasol missed a short jumper, but Lamar Odom grabbed the offensive board. Odom missed the layup, got the ball back and missed again before Grant Hill snared the board. An "empty" possession for the Lakers? Not really, because it highlighted the fact that they could own the boards down the stretch...
...sure enough, with 1:14 left and the Suns trailing 103-98, Gasol swooped in for an offensive board and put back off another missed layup by Odom.
Kobe's shots were daggers. But that Fisher shot and the put back by Gasol were the backbreakers. Which brings me to this point: The Lakers outrebounded the Suns 41-31, including 14-8 on the offensive glass. They also dominated in second-chance points. Clutch shots get all the attention, but dirty work wins games. The Lakers won the battle in the trenches and slowed the game down, holding the Suns to a measley two fast break points. Mamba's jumpers make great fodder for Sports Center, but rebounding and transition defense won the day for the Lakers.
Which brings me to...
Amar''''''e Stoudemire: STATUE was the Suns' offensive "leader" during the Western Confernece Finals. He scored 25.0 PPG on 52 percent shooting while earning almost 12 free throw attempts per game. Phoenix would not have been in this series without his ability to put the ball in the basket.
That said, his efforts were as one-dimensional as the characters in a Michael Bay movie.
Amar''''''e is the biggest, strongest, most athletic member of the Suns, but he averaged only 6.0 RPG versus L.A. In the Suns' four losses, he grabbed 3, 6, 4 and 4 rebounds. In Game 6, at home, facing postseason elimination and possibly the end of his career in Phoenix, Stoudemire finished with 2 defensive rebounds. Mind you, this was the biggest game in the biggest series of his life.
What's more, Stoudemire dished out only 3 assists (versus 16 turnovers) in the series, including zero assists over the final four games. The only thing he had eyes for was the rim. To a certain extent, that's understandable. After all, scoring is his primary duty. But Stoudemire faced or dribbled into an awful lot of double and triple coverage over those six games. When that happened, he was thinking "MUST SHOOT" and not "Hey, maybe one of my teammates is open now."
And so my love-hate with STATUE ended in just hate.
The tears of Steve Nash: And there you have it:
Watching this -- what probably should have been a private moment -- hurt me more than anything else, even more than seeing a team I hate beat a team I love. Nash finished with 21 points on 8-for-11 shooting to go along with 5 defensive rebounds -- 3 more than Stoudemire! -- and 9 assists (with only 2 turnovers). Once again, he gave his all. Once again, it wasn't enough. He is still the person who has appeared in the most playoff games in NBA history without making the NBA Finals.
Ignorant, petty people will continue to use this as a slight against him, even now, after a season in which he led the Suns much, much farther than anybody thought he could...perhaps farther than they ever should have gotten. I mean, really, who thought the Suns could replace Shaq with Channing Frye and lean so heavily on guys like Jared Dudley, Goran Dragic and Louis Amundson and still come within a crazy offensive rebound by Ron Artest from maybe taking this series.
Don't laugh. It could have happened.
But it didn't. Early in the season, there was a great post on ESPN's Daily Dime that dissected Nash's decision to re-sign with the Suns rather than chase a championship elsewhere. His response to questions was that, for him, the journey is more important than the destination. That the chance to lead and teach young players is more important than chasing around a championship.
Someone related this to Kobe and his response was "Fuck that. Better him than me." No, really. That's what he said. Because chasing a championship is the only thing that matters to Kobe.
This might lead you to think that a title means nothing to Nash. Well, those tears say differently. It matters. Nash has sacrificed an awful lot. I always bring up the fact that he plays -- and in fact has played well enough to take his place among history's great point guards -- despite a chronic, incurable back ailment. He's had teeth knocked out, his face mangled on multiple occasions, and yet he never complains, goes out, gives his all, plays great against whatever odds...with relatively little fanfare. (I say "relatively" because, if Kobe or LeBron broke and reset their nose mid-game, minstrels would be singing about it for the next hundred years.)
There are people who are going to dis and mock him because he's never won a championship, never made the Finals. Those people are ignorant. How far do you suppose Kobe would have made with this year's Suns team? Do you think he would have inspired guys like Frye, Dudley and Amundson, or do you think he would have threatened and intimidated him, maybe even demanded a trade? Would LeBron have led this squad to a title?
Heck, even Nash's talented teams had flaws. Bad coaching (D'Antoni not trusting his bench comes to mind). Teammates who looked a helluva lot better alongside Nash than they do on their own (look at what guys like Shawn Marion, Joe Johnson, Quentin Richardson have "accomplished" on their own, and that's what Amar''''''e is in store for if and when he leaves Phoenix). Remember back when the Lakers pushed the Suns to seven games in 2006 and everybody was freaking out about how Kobe led a squad of scrubs against this amazingly talented Suns team that featured a starting lineup of Nash, Marion, Raja Bell, Boris Diaw and James Jones? When STATUE wasn't even playing and Tim Thomas was one of their most important bench players?
How that those players have migrated elsewhere and we've gotten additional evidence, tell me again how "talented" that team was. Go on. Tell me. Nash turns shit into salsa...but will probably forever be the whipping boy of people who can't see beyond titles even though those are team and organizational accomplishments.
But whatever. Am I disappointed the Suns lost? Yep. Am I bitter? Nope. A year ago, I might have been. But, like Nash says, the journey is more important than the destination. Heck, the dude is even teaching me.
Strong bench play led to even stronger man love in Phoenix last night.
The Los Angeles Lakers: Last night, I got to watch the game with long-time commenter and site contributor Wild Yams. To my dismay, I found out that he's a pretty cool and intelligent guy despite being a Lakers fan. It was kind of like meeting a serial killer who donates to charity and volunteers at the local homeless shelter. But it was a good time nonetheless...even better because the Suns won the game.
Let me be frank: I expected the Suns to lose this one. I did. I figured that, in Game 3, they made the only adjustment they could make...going to the zone defense. That and Amar''''''e Stoudemire went bonkers. To me, it was a gimmick win, something that couldn't be duplicated.
And it wasn't. Turns out, it didn't have to be.
Going into Game 4, I felt there was no way Phoenix could be the Lakers straight up. The Suns apparently felt otherwise. Mind you -- unlike Boston's stink bomb in Game 4 of their series against the Magic -- the Lakers didn't play poorly. They scored 106 points on 50 percent shooting and committed only 7 turnovers for a mere 4 points going the other way. L.A. outscored the Suns 42-32 in the paint and held the run-and-gunners to only 6 fast break points.
And of course Kobe had one of "those" games: 38 points, 15-for-22, 6-for-9 from downtown, 10 assists, and 7 rebounds. That's the kind of stat line you usually associate with LeBron James...the kind of line that LeBron fans use as evidence that James is in fact better than Bryant.
But it wasn't enough.
The Suns -- so much weaker up front than the Lakers -- won the rebounding battle 51-36, including 18-13 on the offensive glass. Think about that. Did you think this Phoenix team could ever grab 18 offensive rebounds against this L.A. team? If you said yes, I'm calling shenanigans. But sometimes rebounding is simply about wanting the ball more than the other guy. And get this: Steve Nash finished with almost as many boards (4) as Pau Gasol (5). What does that tell you?
In addition to their rebounding deficit, the Lakers could not handle the Phoenix bench. That's right: The Suns' much-maligned reserves rose from their mass grave to score 54 points on 20-for-32, including 9-for-20 on threes. And check this. Here are the plus-minus scores of the Phoenix starters: Grant Hill (-3), STATUE (-5), Robin Lopez (-3), Nash (-9) and Jason Richardson (-4). The reserves: Channing Frye (+12), Leandro Barbosa (+13), Louis Amundson (+14), Jared Dudley (+12), Goran Dragic (+18), Jarron Collins (HA!).
TrueHoop's Kevin Arnovitz breaks down the Suns' bench play:
And because I want to, here's Dragic's sick layup around Fish and the Candyman:
Now, I'm not seriously suggesting that the bench players are better than the starters...even if Dragic was 27 points better than Nash on the night. But their effort and intensity changed the game. Frye -- who entered last night 1-for-20 for the series -- hit four treys, including a "Rally Monkey" shot in the fourth -- he drilled it right before the shot clock buzzer buzzed -- that was followed by threes from Barbosa and Dudley. Boom, boom, boom...and the Lakers never really recovered.
In terms of final tallies and raw numbers, the Suns' bench outscored L.A.'s pine riders 54-20 and outrebounded them 23-11. And as ESPN's J.A. Adande pointed out:
The unit of Frye, Dudley, Barbosa, Goran Dragic and Louis Amundson played the first seven minutes of the second quarter and turned a tie score into a 10-point lead even with Bryant on the floor for the Lakers. It was part of a 41-point second quarter. And after the Lakers won the third quarter it was that same unit for the Suns that played deep into the fourth and won the game on a night Amare Stoudemire scored only half of the 42 points he put up in Game 3 and Nash made only three of 11 shots.
L.A.'s defense: Well, let's see: They've given up 233 points over the last two games. In Game 4, the Suns scored 115 points, hit nearly 50 percent of their shots, and earned 32 free throw attempts.
Yeah, I'd say defense is a problem for the Lakers.
Of course, I've been beasting on the Lakers' D for a couple weeks now. It sure ain't what it was during the regular season, when L.A. ranked 4th in Defensive Rating. Now they rank 10th out of 16 playoff teams...giving up 111.1 points per 100 possessions. My take is that Andrew Bynum's general ineffectiveness is the root cause. With Gasol and Bynum at 100 percent and patrolling the paint, the rest of the Lakers could overcommit on their assignments without fear. After all, their two big men would swallow up anybody who got past them.
Well, Bynum has been hampered by a bum knee, and he isn't the defensive force he was. If L.A.'s perimeter defenders overcommit, opponents are getting to the rim or earning fouls. If they don't overcommit, guys are dumping in threes. And, well, there you have it.
But hey, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe D isn't the problem. Let's see what Mamba has to say:
"Our defense could have been much better, I think."
"Coming up here, we lost a sense of urgency defensively. I think our concentration was focused on how to attack the zone."
"I think it kind of flipped our attention to detail defensively. Our focus was on the other side of the floor, which doesn't win championships. So we need to get back to ground zero when it comes to that."
"We lost the game because our defense sucked."
"Like I said, we've got to do a much better job defensively. Paying attention to [Phoenix's bench], all of them, and staying in front of your man and things like that."
"Looking forward to the challenge. I know my guys are. [We need] to get back to the basics of playing defense the right way."
"Our attention needs to be on the defensive end, period. That's second-chance opportunities [as well]."
"I was more aggressive in the second quarter. Felt the game slipping away, got going, make some shots [and] kept it going. But that has nothing to do with us getting to the next round. We can't -- offensively, we scored enough points. We've got to do a better job defensively, period."
"That's not what wins championships. Everybody wants to talk about the offensive side of the ball. It has nothing to do with it. Gotta defend."
And, well, there you have it.
L.A.'s offense: The Suns played a mix of man-to-man and zone...and the Lakers offense wasn't bad, per se. Like I said, they finished with 106 points and shot 50 percent. BUT...Phoneix again succeeded in seducing the Lakers into chucking an awful lot of jumpers. The result: L.A. attempted 28 three-pointers and only 13 free throw attempts. And as hot as Kobe was, he did most of his damage on contested jumpers of the "No, no, no...yes!" variety.
Is that a formula for success? I don't think so.
The Zen Master doesn't think there's a problem, nor does he think the Suns' zone is having an affect on his team's offense: "We shot 49 percent, didn't we? That's pretty good. Nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't say we're struggling against the zone. I think we're struggling at the defensive end. That's where I see it."
Maybe P-Jax watched a different game than I did, because I saw "clutch" three-point attempts by Ron Artest (1-for-5 on treys) and Lamar Odom (1-for-3 from distance) that bricked badly. I also saw Shannon Brown go 0-for-4 from way out there. Derek Fisher was 0-for-2 and also bricked a crunch time three.
For what it's worth, Bynum thinks he knows what the problem is: "It's the zone. We're settling for outside jump shots. They were out there moving that ball, they were confident playing at home and they really just shot the ball well. They had everybody spaced out so everybody's running around."
Hey, remember back in Games 1 and 2, when Phoenix was scoring points and shooting reasonably well but couldn't get it done? Isn't that basically what's happening to the Lakers right now? Sure, defense is L.A.'s biggest foil...but jacking up contested (and even contested) long-range jumpers sure hasn't helped their cause down the stretch in Games 3 and 4.
Reader comments: Here's where Basketbawful readers' voices can be heard, er, read:
As a Suns fan for decades, I can only say "That - was - effing - beautiful."
As a basketball fan for longer than that, I can only lament that the Phoenix Runs shot the ball unusually well when it counted (even for the the Runs), and that the Lakers blew it when it counted, and that I don't expect this trend to continue even for one more game this series. (Don't get me wrong, I'm still crossing my fingers).
Phil is too great a coach to let a defensively weak team like the Suns run all over his Lakers with zone defense for three games in a row, I doubt it will happen again.
Kobe, Gasol, Odom, Bynum, Fisher are too damn good to not put up a better combined performance for three games in a row, I doubt it will happen again.
The Suns bench, god bless them, are pretty good as far as benches go, but they PROBABLY won't have another 54 point game, and "Stat" PROBABLY won't have another 42 point game in this series.
I will weep like a baby if we can see Nash in the finals for the first time in his career, but I still can't help but think it's going to take a miracle.
Still, tell me you didn't jump out of your seat and spill chips and salsa all over your crotch when Frye hit that first tre.
From Heretic:
And the lakers do it again, pull out a bazooka and blast their own feet. This game is a prime example of why during the playoffs I prefer the aggressive Bryant than the passer. Took very few shots in the first quarter and his team still fucked it up. As talented as Gasol is, he's so soft that I'm surprised he hasn't been named "The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man". Wtf is it about Europe that produces the softest, most pillowy players on earth? I thought all the pussies were in France but apparently once a country joins the EU they're contractually obligated to remove the testicles of their basketball players.
Bryant pretty much bailed them out from a blow out. For god's sake the suns were playing the zone!! how hard is it to destroy zone defense? High school students can do it. Even if the lakers do end up winning this series they really don't deserve to. Schooled by a team that would have been legally labeled as midgets in 28 states. I honestly prefer to watch Bryant fire away from half court than watch Bynum trip over his own feet as he looks confusedly at the orange sphere in his hands.
The bench don't even warrant a discussion, its been long established that Phil Jackson has murdered them and replaced them with cardboard cut outs. Hopefully next season everyone one the bench with the exception of Odom have been traded (yes even Shannon Brown). Another game they could have easily won shot to pieces with the laker tommy gun of ineptitude.
From Karc:
The Lakers were totally owned tonight. That vaunted "length" of the Lakers got crushed on the boards (at least 50, including a gazillion offensive boards), got crushed by the Suns bench (at least 50 points), and were exposed in the second quarter, giving up 41 points to the Suns, despite having the "4th" ranked defense in the NBA. Note to Andrew Bynum, this is exactly why you do not look ahead to the Boston Celtics. You are not winning this series right now.
Hell, look at the trend. The Lakers scoring has been 128, 124, 109, 106. Meanwhile, the Suns score 107, 112, 118, and now 115. Their offense is getting better, and their defense is getting better. The LA media is going to freak. I love it.
Channing Frye, quote machine: How did that 1-for-20 shooting through three games affect him? Apparently, not at all: "I told you guys I'm just going to continue to shoot, and my teammates believed in me and I continued to just believe in myself. Why work so hard and why still be playing when it's almost June if you're not going to go out there and just have fun and let it ride?"
As for whether his confidence was shaken: "Come on, man, you're asking the wrong dude. My confidence is great every day. I'll be honest, last game I was what, 0-for-7? If I shot another seven I thought I was going to go 7-for-14."
Jared Dudley, quote machine: "You could tell right away tonight that they wanted to take away Amare (Stoudemire) early on. Once they did that, we just set up like target practice."
Here's a new twist on an old theme...the sad standing bench.
The Orlando Magic: Remember: This was supposed to be a better Magic team than the one that made the NBA Finals last year. All the experts said so. The numbers said so. Their 8-0 record and monstrous point differential through the first two rounds of the NBA playoffs said so. Just like a Weekly World News Headline -- "Bat Boy pregnent with Hitler's Robot Baby" -- it was a scientific fact.
Here's another fact for you: The Magic are now 0-2 in their Eastern Conference Final series with the Boston Celtics. And Orlando is 0-5 all-time in playoff series in which they lose the first two games. Okay, that was two facts, but you see what I'm getting at.
Of course, I've been saying all season that these Magic weren't as good as last year's squad, no matter what lies the experts and their stats were telling us. The 2008-09 Magic had a system. Dwight Howard anchored the defense and took care of the heavy lifting, and Hedo Turkoglu facilitated the offense and took over scoring duties in crunch time. The 2009-10 Magic replaced Hedo with Vag Carter. And that's pretty much where I rested my argument...and I was right. But we'll get back to that.
For the game, Orlando managed only 92 points on 39 percent shooting. Mind you, this was despite a 9-for-13 night from Dwight Howard. Speaking of which, I have to give Pumaman credit. After getting roughed up and beaten down in Game 1, Dwight said he was going to change his tactics. And he did. Instead of trying to elbow past or straight through his Celtic defenders, Howard made much quicker moves, stopped trying to over-dribble and power his way through the defense, and seemingly developed a quick-spin hook shot overnight.
Dwight finished with a game-high 30 points and even went 12-for-17 at the free throw line, which is pretty freaking good for him.
But I made this point yesterday: The Celtics don't necessarily care about stopping their opponent's superstar. Sure, they want to make life as rough on that player as they can, but their brilliance is in stopping "the other guys." I'm always telling BadDave and Evil Ted this, but in many cases, if not most cases, superstars don't win championships. The role players do. The Birds, Jordans, Magics, etc., those types of players are going to get their numbers. They always do. But it's John Paxson or Robert Horry or Steve Kerr hitting a clutch jumper that usually swings things one way or the other. Heroics from an unexpected source.
The Celtics wouldn't let that happen.
The non-Howard Magic starters were 13-for-42 from the field. J.J. Redick was the only player to do much scoring off the bench -- he finished with 16 points -- but went 3-for-9 from the field. Of course, in all fairness, Redick did go 2-for-3 from downtown and 8-for-8 from the line. Moreover, he had 4 assists, a surprising 2 offensive boards (both on the same possession), and helped keep the Magic from falling apart in the first half. In fact, Redick logged 34 minutes and finished with Orlando's best plus-minus score (+5).
Next to Howard, Redick was the Magic's most important player. I hope you see why that was a huge-ish problem.
Here are some other numbers for your enjoyment: Orlando gave up 22 points off only 14 turnovers. Furthermore, they were outrebounded 38-36 and outscored 36-34 in the paint. Those last two disadvantages aren't staggering, except that the Magic were supposed to win the paint and rebounding battles handily. After all, Howard is the best center in the league, right? And the Celtics are a bad rebounding team, aren't they?
Some theories just don't hold up.
Reality check: The Magic hadn't lost back-to-back home games since losing Games 4 and 5 of the 2009 NBA Finals. For all intents and purposes, that ended Orlando's title run. Seems like history could be repeating itself here.
Vince Carter: Like I said above, when they replaced Turkoglu -- who was indeed overpaid by the Raptors but had proven himself as the Magic's go-to guy -- with Half Man, Half A Nutsack, I wrote Orlando off as a true championship threat. With Hedo gone, who was going to take over clutch duties for the Magic? Pumaman, who has 1.5 post moves and can't hit free throws? Rashard Lewis, who's never liked doing the dirty work and can't really create his own shot? Nope, Vinsanity was the Magic's new Captain Crunch. He was the only one who had the capability to do it.
And last night, that fact bit the Magic in their magical ass.
I'll give him this much: Carter hit two or three really tough shots, which naturally led Mark Jackson to exclaim, "And that's why the Magic got Vince Carter...to hit big shots!" And just as naturally, Jeff Van Gundy pointed out that those "tough shots" were actually "bad shots"...and that knocking them down is a sort of fool's gold.
As usual, Van Gundy was right.
Vag went 5-for-15, grabbed only 1 rebound, dished only 1 assist and committed 3 turnovers. But Carter's biggest eff up came when it mattered most. Of course. The Magic were down three points with 34.7 seconds left, but Stan Van Gundy wrote up a play that worked: Carter got free on a drive and almost made it to the rim before getting fouled by Paul Pierce. All Carter had to do was knock down both freebies and the Magic would have a really good chance to steal this game.
Vag bricked the first. Right before the second attempt, the camera zoomed in on Carter's face. I swear, he looked like a Fear Factor contestant who had just been asked to eat a giant plate full of cow testicles that were covered in crawling insects. I immediately said, "Nope," as in, "He is so going to shank that second free throw."
And he did.
Update! Okay, first of all, I realize cow's don't have balls. It was s'posed to be part of the joke. But anyway, Evil Ted and I were just talking about the game and I came up with a better analogy: Have you ever been stuck somewhere -- on a train, or a plane, or in a car on the highway -- and suddenly been hit with a case of diarrhea? All you can do is screw up your will power and try to hold it in. That's the look Vince had on his face...the look of a man who was terrified that he was about to shit his pants. And then he did it.
Said Carter: "I don't take losses well."
That's funny, Vince, because you've had a lot of practice. Everybody knows this is Carter's first trip to a conference finals, right?
Carter continued: "They bring me in to make plays and deliver in crunch time. For me to step up there and miss two free throws, regardless, this doesn't sit well with me."
Well, I'm sure Magic fans are utterly relieved that blowing the game doesn't sit well with you. Like a Hello Kitty band-aid, that just makes it all better.
"Don't blame me. Basketbawful warned y'all."
As Basketbawful reader Kazam92 said:
Hedo wouldn't miss those FT's, he'd likely also hit that 3 that nelson bricked earlier.
just a reminder:
Update! The Ghost of Nick Anderson: I can't believe I didn't include this on my first try:
J.J. Redick: After Game 1, Basketbawful reader Basebawful said: "I think J.J Redick should play more minutes, the guy is a hustler, plays great defense on Ray Allen and shoots great. That run at the end of the game was in part because of him."
To which Cortez replied: "If they go this route...Celtics in 3 because they'll cancel the last game to pay respects to Redick's smoldering corpse."
Well, Redick did get big minutes in Game 2, and for the most part, he delivered. But...he also made the second-biggest eff up of the game.
After Carter bonked those foul shots, the Celtics used their full 24 seconds before missing a shot. Redick grabbed the rebound, but instead of calling time out, he took off toward half court. Not only did he run crucial seconds off the clock, he never made it over the half court stripe before finally calling for time. This meant that not only were the Magic left with only 3.5 seconds, they had to take the ball out from beyond half court.
Okay, maybe that was the biggest eff up of the game.
Said Van Gundy: "[Immediately calling timeout] would have made a big difference. We said in the thing to call a timeout. We didn't make the right play there at the end."
Added Redick: "I made a mistake. I didn't hear the whistle initially. When I didn't hear it initially, I just kind of went, then I realized we should have called a timeout. So that was my fault."
Pretty much, yeah.
I expect him to start smoldering soon...
Rashard Lewis: Back in 2007, a lot of people had a mini-freakout when the Magic decided to give Lewis a six-year, $110 million contract. I mean, how do you pay that much for a guy who can't create his own shot, doesn't generate offense for his teammates, never rebounded well for his size and doesn't play much defense?
But the Magic have gone 170-76 and made an NBA Finals since Lewis arrived, which forced people to kind of back off. But, well, the dude has been lost against the Celtics. Take last night's performance: 41 minutes, 5 points, 2-for-6 from the field, 1-for-3 from downtown, 4 rebounds. If Jackson and Van Gundy hadn't kept saying that the Magic needed Rashard to do something, I honestly would have forgotten he was even out there...that he was even still alive.
For God's sake, J.J. scored over three times as many points as Lewis did!
Mark Jackson, quote machine: As Basketbawful reader Luke pointed out: "Incredible! Mark Jackson just suggested that given the foul trouble of the Celtics big men, Brian Scalabrine could come in and guard Dwight Howard." That was a truly frightening moment for Boston fans. Fortunately for those fans and Scal himself, it never came to pass.
Amar''''''e Stoudemire: When Lamar Odom outrebounded him 19-3 in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals, well, that should have been a wakeup call, right?
Yeah, right.
Said STAT: "I'm not giving him no hype right now; he had a lucky game in Game 1. We just got to make sure we box him out. I think I focused so much on [Pau] Gasol and [Andrew] Bynum to where he snuck in there and got 19 boards, so now we just got to make sure there's three guys out there that can rebound well [when] adding Odom. So, we got to do a better job on them."
Luck, huh? See, to me, rebounding is more about hard work and determination than luck. Do you know who leads the Suns in defensive rebounding during the 2010 NBA playoffs? It's 37-year-old Grant Hill with 59 defensive boards. Meanwhile, Stoudemire has only 41 defensive rebounds despite playing 75 more minutes than Hill. What's more, Stoudemire barely ranks ahead of Steve Nash in Defensive Rebounding Rate in the playoffs (12.5 to 10.3). Hill leads the team in DRR at 22.2.
There are several things that bother me about Stoudemire as a big man...and rebounding is one of them. I watch the Suns play a lot, and it seems lik Amar’e isn’t a big fan of going after contested defensive rebounds. And at times, he doesn’t do a great job of boxing out. Again, Lamar Odom outrebounded him 19-3.
Luck has nothing to do with it.
The NBA Draft Lottery: I'll leave this one to the readers:
Oh God, the Nets even fail in the lottery. They ended up third when they had like a 25% chance of first.
From Heretic:
HAHAHAHA New jersey didn't get the No.1 pick and DC (my neighborhood) gets No.1. Wonder what they're gonna do with Gilbert "Gun Fingaz" Arenas. Fuck that Russian dude.
2. Aaron Brooks for forgetting his pocket protector.
3. The guy interviewing John Wall for giving me the most awkward thing I've seen since I-don't-know-when.
From Bryan:
The wizards were gunning for that #1 spot and hit the target. Good for them. They had John Wall in their cross-hairs and took aim at turning their team around and shot for the stars. Shoot, with a little bit of luck, every team has a shot to turn around their fortune. No more riding shotgun for them in this league. Now lets see if they pull the trigger on Wall or shoot themselves in the foot and go another direction. Couldnt have happened to a better team. David Stern has to be happy Arenas will be a mentor to the NBA's next big star. Go Wiz!!
Yesterday's officiating tirade: Yesterday, I wrote a thousand-word post about why the Phoenix Suns got blasted in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals. Nowhere in that post was officiating mentinoed. Officiating got brought up in the comments section, I made a non-comment, and then things went berserk...leading to the following comment in the BAD comments by Basketbawful reader Fishy:
According to just about every fan, their team would be 82-0 during the season and 16-0 during the playoffs if it weren't for the refs.
When my team loses I tend to remember all the missed free throws, turnovers, bad shots, bad defense, mental lapses, non-box-outs, and all the things MY TEAM DID TO LOSE and THE OTHER TEAM DID TO WIN....
... not a few bad calls that went against us, because there for sure were a few bad calls that helped us too just like every damn game. Every. Game.
Naturally, most fans don't see the calls that go their way, just the ones that didn't.
It gets old people! The refs suck. We know. Now go focus on your team.
Here's what gets me about the whole situation. I never said the Suns lost because of officiating. AnacondaHL, who opened the can of worms, never said the Suns lost because of officiating. All that was said was this: There were some iffy calls on Grant Hill, and based on the numbers -- the Lakers were only +2 on the night when Hill was in the game, and they didn't break the game open until Hill got sent to the bench with his fourth foul and subsequent bogus technical -- that had an impact on the game.
Nobody said the Suns would have won had Grant not been the leading actor in The Phantom Foul Menace. Seriously, go back and reread that thousand-word post that doesn't mention officiating, then read all the comments. Nobody said the Suns would have won...and plenty of reasons were given for why they lost.
Which brings me back to why I didn't bring the officiating up in the first place: I didn't want some Lakers fans freaking out. That fact is, officiating has been brought up on this site -- both in posts and in the various comments sections -- many times during these playoffs. In fact, here's a bad call that went the Suns' way during their first round series with the Frail Blazers...a call, I would like to point out, that was prominently featured on this very site:
Amazingly, even shockingly, there wasn't a big deal made about that or any other crack on playoff officiating. Everybody has been able to either agree that bad calls are made sometimes or they shrug it off. End of story. Because, by and large, Basketbawful attracts a reasonably intelligent crowd of basketball fans who realize that there are countless factors that go into each and every win or loss.
I mean, if there was ONE REASON a team got beaten, my Worst of the Night posts would be pretty damn short, wouldn't they?
So please, as the leading provider of free basketball humor on the Interwebs, I'm asking everyone to do me a favor. Before you start labeling people as "pathetic" or "whiners," do me a favor and just read the posts. If I or somebody else clearly and sincerely states that Team A only beat Team B because of bad officiating -- that lousy calls were the only reason for a win or loss -- then by all means correct that person. But going on a bitter rant about nothing accomplishes, well, nothing. We're all here for a good time, not a war of words.
Update! Joe DeRosa: Talk about crafty: Mr. DeRosa tossed a basketball to an angry fan, and when the fan threw it back to him, Joe signaled for security to throw the fan out...and they did. Well, not really. The Orlando Sentinel says the fan is Wyndham Vacation Ownership CEO Franz Hanning, who was simply moved to another (probably not quite as good) seat. The Sentinel also says Hanning is an acquaintance of Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers, who lives in Orlando.
Atlanta's end-of-the-third-quarter defense: This shot really was the beginning of the end for the Hawks last night:
Granted, it was a tough shot. But Orlando inbounded the ball with less than six seconds left in the quarter. Atlanta only applied token pressure when Jameer Nelson started pushing the ball upcourt. Hell, Joe Johnson was backpedaling sideways before Nelson even got to him. That's not fundamental defense, folks. If the Hawks had pressured the ball handler, they might have avoided a pretty drastic momentum shift. Instead...
Atlanta's fourth quarter offense:Check it out: jump shots, turnovers and more jump shots. Of course, Orlando's offense was also pretty jumper-centric, but the Magic were hitting their shots. Not to go all Hubie Brown on you, but you can't win on the road in the playoffs by shooting nothing nothing but jumpers.
Atlanta's defense: Even though the Hawks kept things close, the reality is this: Teams usually lose games when they give up 112 points on 56 percent shooting. And unlike the Bobcats, they haven't been able to contain Dwight Howard or get him into early foul trouble. Pumaman played 39 minutes and finished with 29 points and 17 rebounds while going 8-for-9 from the field and 13-for-18 from the line.
And he did that with a busted nose.
For some historical perspective, Dwight Howard became the fourth player in the last 40 years to have at least 25 points and 17 boards while shooting 85 percent in a playoff game. The other guys were Shaq, Wilt and Wes Unseld.
Man, who looks this stuff up??
Speaking of which, the Magic have compiled the fourth highest scoring differential (+57) in the first two games of an NBA playoff series. Of course, their 43-point win in Game 1 kind of padded that stat, but still.
One last historic fail: Howard, Nelson, Rashard Lewis and Vince Carter all scored 20 or more points...and that was the first time the Magic ever had four players score at least 20 points in a playoff game.
Atlanta's offense: Um...41 percent shooting? Probably not gonna get it done. Also, the Hawks had only 4 fast break points. I thought this team was built to run?
Dwight Howard, quote machine: "I'm human. It's not like I'm built of metal. They did to me like they did the Wolverine. I bleed. I break bones."
By the way, I had to include this video of Dwight mocking LeBron's chalk toss:
Mike Bibby: This guy is done. Finished. Kaput. Mike Woodson played him only 14 minutes, and Bibby finished with 3 points and an assist. Dude looks like he's ready for the 50 and over league.
The Bizarro Logic for All-NBA Teams: Okay, so...the starting guards on the All-NBA First Team are Mamba and Pookie, and the starting backcourt for the Second Team includes Deron Williams and Steve Nash. Look, what NBA team starts two shooting guards? Or, for that matter, two point guards? How about designing the All-NBA Teams the way actual NBA teams are assembled? I know this isn't a new thing...but it still bugs me.
Oh, and Amar''''''e isn't a center!
Lacktion report: And now chris presents his "Is anyone even watching this series??" lacktion report:
Hawks-Magic: You get the feeling that Mike Woodson would love to just declare the series over after two games, and apparently so does Zaza Pachulia - four fouls in 7:04 earned a +4 suck differential and a 4:0 Voskuhl! Randolph Morris also meowed into the Voskuhl section tonight by garnering a 3:1 ratio in 5:59 by countering a board with a brick and three fouls.
For the alchemists, Ryan Anderson celebrated another clinical victory by fouling and bricking once each in 2:05 for a +2 that also earned a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl. Also sucking it up tonight was Brandon Bass, whose low note of the game came in just 62 seconds with a brick.
Hmm. One sad bench photo doesn't feel like enough for this epic beating...
Thaaaaat's better!
The Atlanta Hawks: Man...I really wish I would have saved that story where I peed my pants while sitting next to the girl I had a crush on for this game. But, in all honesty, how could I have seen this coming? How could anyone? This was a failure so epic that the term "epic fail" doesn't feel anywhere near strong enough. No human words quite do this one the injustice it deserves. If a normal blowout is a kick to the groin, this would be the equivalent of someone repeatedly kicking said groin until all that was left was a bloody, oozing puddle of genital soup. Chunky brand, of course.
In fact, here's a quick two-minute "highlight reel" from last night's game:
Said Mike Bibby: "It's embarrassing. They embarrassed us."
Added Zaza Pachulia: "They made a run and they never looked back."
Yeah, you could say that, Zaza.
The Magic outscored the Hawks 60-21 over the second and third quarters. They led by as many as 46 points before settling for a 114-71 victory that made me feel dirty, like I'd just watched 48 minutes of German torture porn.
Orlando was +18 on the boards and +22 in points in the paint. The Magic scored 26 points off 16 Atlanta turnovers. Seven of those turnovers were forced during the Hawks' 10-point second quarter. Atlanta's "top performer" was Zaza Pachulia (12 points, 7 rebounds, 5 fouls).
What does that tell you?
According to ESPN Stats & Information, Orlando's 43-point win was their second-largest margin of victory in a playoff game all-time and tied for the second-largest margin of victory in NBA history in Game 1 of a best-of-seven series. It was the Hawks' second-worst loss in their postseason history...the worst being a 58-point beat down by the Lakers in 1956. Of course, that was well before the Hawks moved to Atlanta.
Here's the top five largest margins of victory in Game 1 in NBA postseason history: 47 (Magic over Celtics in 1995), 47 (Lakers over Spurs in 1986), 43 (Magic over Hawks 2010), 43 (Lakers over Mavericks in 1984), and 41 (Bulls over Knicks in 1991).
That's right: This was the third-biggest Game 1 drubbing ever.
If you're an Atlanta fan -- and I'm really freaking sorry if that's the case -- the biggest disappointment isn't the loss itself or even the historic margin of defeat. It's gotta be the fact that the Hawks just gave up. There was a mental downshift during the third quarter where you could tell the Atlanta players had started going through the motions. And although I guess that's human nature -- let's face it, they weren't coming back from 40 points down -- there's something to be said for going down swinging, you know, trying to establish some forward momentum for the next game.
But that's not what these Hawks do. They aren't one of those mentally tough, high basketball IQ squads. Their focus and effort levels vacillate from game to game, which is why they're such a lousy road team, and why a weakened Milwaukee team pushed them to the brink in the first round, and why I have never taken this team very seriously.
Jamal Crawford: Ah, yet another game that reminds us why this is Jamal's first trip to the NBA playoffs. Despite logging the second-most minutes of the game (34), Mr. Sixth Man finished with only 5 points on 1-for-11 shooting. What's more (or, more accurately, less), he finished with twice as many combined fouls and turnovers (6) as rebounds and assists (3). His plus-minus score was a game-worst -35.
Al Horford: Not only did he go 1-for-7 from the field, but Horford eaten alive by Pumaman (21 points, 8-for-10, 12 rebounds, 5 blocks and only 3 fouls).
Joe Johnson: Yeah, I know. I could keep listing Hawks players until I got through their entire roster. This is the last one, I swear. Johnson -- the supposed leader of the Hawks -- went 4-for-11 and finished with a game-worst 5 turnovers. Not only was his offense off, but he killed the team's offense by forcing too many isolations and holding the ball for way too long. Which, sure, is what he always does...but the effect was worse than usual, as his second-worst-of-the-game plus-minus score (-29) attests.
Mike Woodson: Forget the fact that he presided over the wrong side of one of the worst-ever ass kickings in NBA history...that was bad enough. But did you see Woodson's press conference? Mike looked like he was about to fall asleep. What he should have been was pissed. Pissed that his team almost got eliminated by the Andrew Bogut-less Bucks. Pissed that his team quit on themselves and him last night. I would have had more respect for Woodson if he'd gone all Dennis Green on the press corps:
Something like this would have worked too:
Instead, dude acted like he'd just lost a particularly puzzling game of chess: "It was an ugly game for us. I wish I knew what happened." I'm sure your players and fans wish they knew you had a pulse, Mike.
Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: To be frank, the Magic probably needed a cold slap of reality after this game, and Van Gundy was more than happy to provide it: "I told them that [Wednesday] I will have for them virtually every time in NBA playoff history that a team had a blowout win, came back and lost the next game. You've got to forget what happened."
The Utah Jazz: Here's a dirty little secret women try to keep from men: Size actually does matter. And the poor Jazz...they're just too tiny.
As big as Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum look against most teams, they look like friggin' giants next to pretty much everybody on the Utah roster except Kyrylo Fesenko, and that guy was trash (1-for-7, 3 rebounds and 4 fouls in 17 minutes). Seriously, the way Gasol and Bynum buzz past Fesenko makes it look like Kyrylo just got zapped with a Medusa head, Clash of the Titans-style (or God of War-style). That guy would lose a foot race to Stephen Hawking, even if Hawking was tied to a boat anchor and covered in cement.
Anyway, the Jazz grabbed 19 offensive boards but still got outrebounded 58-40. The Lakers scored 64 of their 111 points in the paint as Gasol and Bynum combined for 39 points (on 14-for-20 shooting), 29 rebounds and 7 blocked shots. Even Lamar Odom (11 points, 4-for-4, 15 rebounds, 3 blocks) had his way inside.
If the Lakers could have held onto the ball -- they committed 20 turnovers for 26 points going the other way -- this might have been a blowout.
Said Utah coach Jerry Sloan: "Their rebounding tonight was just something we could not handle. I don't like to use the word 'disheartening.' I thought our guys played extremely hard to try and stay in the ballgame."
Oh, they tried, all right.
Carlos Boozer: His 20/12/4 seems pretty good until you realize he went 9-for-21 and got six of his shots swatted, stuffed or otherwise dismissed. Four players (Bynum, Gasol, Mamba and Odom) rejected Carlos, and he had attempts sent back by Odom and Gasol on the same possession. For perspective, the blocks against Boozer represent almost half of L.A.'s 13 shot blocks. The Jazz, by contrast, had exactly 4 blocked shots as a team. And don't even get me started on Boozer's interior defenselessness.
Deron Williams: Apparently, Mr. "I'm The Best Point Guard in the League" Williams is too good to walk to the locker room these days...
Jesus, Deron...really?!
Nice sweater, by the way. Williams didn't look too hot against the Lakers last night: 15 points, 4-for-16, 2-for-6 from downtown, 9 assists, 3 turnovers, 5 fouls. Not horrible...but not exactly best-at-his-position-y either. I think Deron got spoiled by the _enver _efense in the first round.
Ron Artest: Rumor has it Crazy Pills had ball boys searching through all the garbage cans and trash dumpsters around the Staples Center...looking for his jump shot. Despite the fact that he apparently forgot to shoot -- he's 7-for-42 from downtown during the playoffs -- that didn't keep Artest from chucking up seven threes last night. He only made one of 'em, though.
So...what's the deal?
Said Ron-Ron: "I don't know. I feel great. I don't really know. I just have to keep playing basketball."
Vinny Del Negro: Not to dogpile on the poor guy, but an anonymous commenter sent this in and...it's worth a watch:
Lacktion report: It's a sad day for chris and the rest of us here at Basketbawful: Mario West played last night but does not appear in this report. Alas, the lacktion show must go on...
Hawks-Magic: Jason Collins negated one field goal and board in 4:30 with three fouls and a giveaway for a 4:3 Voskuhl.
Jazz-Lakers: Josh Powell must've felt like King Koopa's last moments in his castle tonight: two fouls and one giveaway in just 56 seconds for a Mario and a +3 suck differential that also notched a 3:0 Voskuhl!
"PLAYOFFS!!!"
"HEY GIRL. HOW YOU DOIN'?"
This is the look of despair, AKA losing to the Pistons
"Chandler, with the right hook! Down goes Paul! Down goes Paul!!"
Something we've all missed: a facepalming Nyets player
Timberwolves fans are so sad, they can't even be bothered to find a paper bag that doesn't have writing all over it
Hell yeah, little buddy
