Like A Bosh: Nationally Televised Single-Double Watch

Superstar material right there.

On our very first Worst Of The Night this season, commenter Lord Kerrance had this to say about the Boshmallow's personal hubris upon his successful attachment to the "Heatles" -

From the Toronto Star:

"Really, it’s all about being on TV at the end of the day," the five-time all-star said Tuesday. "Seriously. A guy can average 20 and 10, and nobody really cares. If you don’t see it (on U.S. national TV), then it doesn’t really happen."

Glad to know that nationally televised double-single counts. Looking forward to many more.

I replied...

I think we HAVE to do a CB4 Nationally Televised Double-Single Tracker now.

Everyone with me? :D :D

Despite encouragement by The Other Chris, Lord Kerrance worried about a stat curse from our preemptive smackdown of the 7th most important member of the South Beach triumverate...but we needn't have fretted.

It turns out that he indeed was setting the tone for a mist of mediocrity, one which can now be quantified!

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Listed below are CB's nationally televised games (whether in the US or Canada) and the critical statline for this elite pillow forward - whether he earned double-digits in one category or less, or not.

10/26
Heat-Celtics (TNT)
Not a single double - he did go a mere 3-11 from the field though!

10/29
Magic-Heat (ESPN)
10 boards, 11 points - double-double

11/11
Celtics-Heat (TNT)
15 points - single-double!!!!!!!!!!

11/13
Craptors-Heat (TSN - nationally televised in Canada LOL)
12 points - single-double!

11/17
Suns-Heat (ESPN)
35 points!...and nothing else. Single-double.

11/24
Heat-Magic (ESPN)
21 points - single-double!

12/2
Heat-Cadavers (TNT)
15 points - single-double

12/10
Heat-Warriors (ESPN)
16 points - single-double

12/17
Heat-Knicks (ESPN)
26 points - single-double

12/23
Heat-Suns (TNT)
23 points AND 11 boards - double-double

12/25
Heat-Lakers (ABC)
10 assists, 27 points - double-double

1/13
Heat-Nuggets (TNT)
24 points - single-double

1/15
Heat-Bulls (WGN)
17 points, but 11 (CORRECTED) 18 bricks - negatory double-double

1/30
Heat-Thunder (ABC)
20 points - single-double!

2/3
Heat-Magic (TNT)
13 points - single-double

2/13
Heat-Celtics (ABC)
10 boards, 24 points - double-double

2/16
Heat-Craptors (TSN2 - nationally televised in Canada!)
25 points - single-double

2/24
Heat-Bulls (TNT)
11 18 bricks - single-double!!!!

2/27
Knicks-Heat (ESPN)
12 boards, 20 points - double-double

3/3

Magic-Heat (TNT)
13 points - single-double

Final Conclusion

Like a Bosh, 13 single-doubles and one less-than-single double performance (out of 20 nationally televised games) CAN'T be wrong, can they? And with one of his double-doubles resulting from having 11 bricks, this means that 70% of his nationally televised performances are middling-or-worse.

Maybe there was something to the idea that he played better rollerskating in obscurity on a bad team...just maybe.

"Clank" starring Chris Bosh

From Elias Sports Bureau: "Chris Bosh made just one of his 18 field-goal attempts (5.6%) in the Heat's 93-89 loss at Chicago. It was the worst percentage by a player taking at least 15 shots since the Warriors' Tim Hardaway went 0-for-17 in an overtime win at Minnesota on December 27, 1991. The last player to shoot that poorly (minimum 15 FGA) while his team lost by five points or less was the Celtics' Frank Ramsey on December 8, 1960. Ramsey went 0-for-15 in Boston's 118-115 neutral-site loss to the Cincinnati Royals in Philadelphia."

Further reading / watching: Chris Bosh takes a dive! [H/T Aaron]


The best parts: 1) the obviously delayed reaction and 2) the Ric Flair-like writhing around on the floor after the non-contact. Even a marshmallow can stand up against no contact. So I can't even call him Boshmallow anymore.

Actually, yes I can.

Even more reading: From Basketball-Reference (via AnacondaHL): Chris Bosh submits one of the historically worst offensive statistical plus/minus (OSPM) performances in NBA history.

Bawful After Dark: Weekend Watch

Sweet specs. They look like they're straight from the Herbie Hancock Collection:
(Photo via 30fps)
Not much time to talk today, so I'll share a quick couple of links.

Solid tweet from "Bill Simmons: "Note to ESPN.com: can we add a ".500 Line" graphic to our Heat Index that shows users if they're above or below .500?"

Here's a must-watch video of Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter mocking local news broadcasts. Your favorite team won!


Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Rondo treats Chris "Charmin" Bosh like super soft toilet paper(picture via The Basketball Jones, passed along by Wild Yams)

Really? I guess God had money on the Nuggets last night

Stunned

You know, Phil Jackson could save a lot of time and energy by not bothering to draw up a play when it's just "have Kobe jack up a contested three"

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Jazz at Hawks, ESPN, 7pm: Both of these teams seem a bit bipolar. I think it's going to come down to which version of each team shows up at different points in this game, particularly the fourth quarter. You never know when Good Jazz will show up at the same time as Bad Hawks and vice versa.

Frail Blazers at Thunder, ESPN, 9:30pm: By the time this game is done, the Blazers might be running short on players thanks to knee injuries. I keep waiting for random assistant coaches to tear ACLs or dislocate patellas just sitting on the bench.

All The Other Friday Games:
Rockets at Pacers, 7pm: Two things. First, I'd just like to quote the opening of the STATS LLC game preview: "Just days ago, the Houston Rockets discussed the idea of increasing Yao Ming's minutes. That plan has hit a definite snag." Second, if the Pacers shoot over 60% from the field again in this game, I will probably need one of you to drive me to the hospital because my brain will explode trying to comprehend that reality.

Craptors at Magic, 7pm: I can't wait for Bawful to post the Raptors Mascot Fail video again Mondy morning.

Bobcraps at Wizards Generals, 7pm: BawfulFest 2010 continues! This is like the greatest worst week ever, isn't it?

Bricks at Timberwolves, 8pm: This only reaffirms my point. Darko + David Kahn = entertainment!

76ers at Mavericks, 8:30pm: Quick math lesson for the day: Mavericks' great defense + Sixers awful awful offense = high comedy. Woo.

Kings at Suns, 9pm: So let me get this straight. The Purple Paupers couldn't stop Beasley and the Timberwolves? What are they supposed to do against the Suns? I'm kinda-sorta intrigued.

Pistons at Clippers, 10:30pm: If you need any help getting to sleep, just put the TV on this game, kick back, and snore. This game will be even uglier than Morehead State women's basketball team coach Tom Hodges' suit. (h/t Jimmy Traina)

* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Warriors at Bucks, NBA TV, 8:30pm: The Warriors were sold Friday for $450 million. I know, I don't understand it either.

All The Other Saturday Games:
Magic at Nyets, 7pm: Two words: Beat. Down.

Jazz at Bobcraps, 7pm: At what point does Jordan say "fuck it, I'm suiting up again!" just to keep the Bobcraps from being not only awful, but boring?

Pacers at Cavaliers, 7:30pm: I know it's early, but prepare to have your world rocked: as of Friday morning, the Pacers are only half a game out of the Central division lead.

Craptors at Heat, 7:30pm: I can't wait for Bawful to post the Raptors Mascot Fail video TWICE on Monday morning!

Frail Blazers at Hornets, 8pm: So when do we start hearing crap about the Hornets going for 72 wins? Meanwhile, The Onion delivers again. (h/t Basketbawful reader JJ)

Wizards Generals at Bulls, 8pm: The Generals are on the second night of a back-to-back, but if they play the Bobcraps on that first night, does it really count?

Celtics at Grizzlies, 8pm: This stinks of trap game to me for some reason...

76ers at Spurs, 8:30pm: Hey, did you know that "basketball is a game of mistakes?" That quote is going to haunt Doug Collins for awhile, just like Doug Collins' crappy coaching is going to haunt the Seventy Suxorz for awhile.

* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Rockets at Bricks, 7:30pm: The Bricks as a team are 9th overall in rebounding, in spite of having Amar''''e Stoudemire on their roster. I am confused and frightened. Hold me.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Timberwolves at Hawks, 2pm: I feel like we need a camera focused on Darko Milicic at all times just so we can truly appreciate how horrific he is. Would anyone else watch that?

Pistons at Kings, 6pm: One of the worst offenses in the NBA goes head-to-head with one of the worst defenses in the NBA. I can't wait for all the sloppy ball movement and ridiculous bad jumpers that are completely uncontested.

Spurs at Thunder, 7pm: The Thunder are averaging an anemic 15 assists per game as a team. How is it this team can be over .500 and yet be so disappointing?

Suns at Lakers, 9:30pm: Some good news to report: Steve Nash's son Matteo was born this weekend. Congrats.