Bawful After Dark: November 2, 2010

"We've rented this fog machine for the whole night, and damnit, we're going to get our money's worth!"
Mike Conley got a contract extension from the Grizzlies to the tune of $45 million over five years, and Hardwood Paroxysm is not happy about it. In fact, he went on one of the greatest rants in Twitter history about it. Check this Tumblr page that was created specifically to save this rant for posterity's sake. Some highlights:

IT's MIKE CONLEY! HE CAN'T DRIBBLE! HE'S AN EFFING POINT GUARD THAT CAN'T DRIBBLE!
You literally gave twice as much money as Darko got for a player who is even worse at his position than Darko. You outdid Kahn.
You could have extended Thabeet for the max. Better move. You could have traded Z-Bo for Darko. Better move.

Yeah, I'd say he's just a little pissed off. (h/t teaguejd)

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Terrible news for the Bulls -- Carlos Boozer will be out 8 to 382 weeks after breaking his jaw and rupturing eight tendons after opening his mouth too wide

Shockingly, Luther Head didn't get a technical for turning his back toward the ref here!

Nationally Televised Games:
Grizzlies at Lakers, NBA TV, 10:30pm: Not the greatest way for the Grizzlies to start a four-games-in-five-nights roadtrip. I don't think the Lakers are going to let the Grizzlies get 22 steals like the Timberwolves did the other night. Just a gut feeling.

All The Other Games:
Hawks at Cavaliers, 7pm: Joe Johnson had this to say after his last game: "I'm a shooter. I've got to keep shooting." Indeed. I don't think the Hawks are paying him $124 million to not shoot.

76ers at Wizards Generals, 7pm: Holy crap the Sixers are bad. This game will be nearly unwatchable. Maybe the Sixers should temporarily be run by Red Klotz and renamed to the Shamrocks, Reds, Rockets, Seagulls, or Nationals.

Celtics at Pistons, 7:30pm: Shaq is hurt??? Impossible! Inconceivable!! In other news, wow. Rajon Rondo. Dude's just dropping dimes everwhere. He could find a way to get credited for an assist on a basket he shoots himself at this point I think.

Timberwolves at Heat, 7:30pm: The Heat's defense is just unreal right now. They're only allowing 80 points per game, and they haven't allowed a field goal to a starting forward in the last two contests. So, yeah, think I'm just gonna go ahead and mark down the Timberpups for their 14th straight road loss...

Magic at Knicks, 7:30pm: POSTPONED because it's raining asbestos! Congratulations on having such an up-to-date arena, New York. (Then again, it's probably just a time capsule from the last time the Knicks were relevant, so that's fairly appropriate) In related news, Eddy Curry will become the first player to be listed on a box score: "DNP (mesothelioma)."

Trail Blazers at Bucks, 8pm: The Blazers let Luol Deng go off for 40 points. I fully expect Corey Maggette to drop 60 on them tonight. That's not unreasonable, right?

Isiah Thomas Knows How to Waste Money

"Can you believe how much I'm paying your teammates not to play?"
With all the poor play and questionable officiating in the playoffs, it's easy to forget about the bawful nature of the rest of the NBA right now. However, I need a break from the Celtics doing their best to rip out my heart and drive over it with a truck that has snow chains on its tires. So why not take a look back at one of the greatest sources of bawful comedy in recent memory?

It goes without saying that Isiah Thomas was an absolute joke during his time as president of the New York Knicks. He spent money and got nothing in return to show for it. He presided over the worst possession in basketball history. He was involved in a ridiculous sexual harrassment lawsuit. He had "an accidental overdose of a prescription sleeping pill." The list goes on and on.

However, do you truly understand just how spectacularly bawful his leadership was? This story is required reading for anyone who would ever go to this website. (h/t Jonah Keri for the link). The man wasted so much money, I'm willing to believe he was trying to recreate the movie Brewster's Millions. Let's break it down:

Isiah Thomas' fiscal irresponsibility became so extreme during his time as Knicks president from 2003-08 that he paid $120 million for a total of 82 games played. [The seven players responsible for that sum] averaged 10.6 points per game over the combined 82-game span.

Well, when you put it in those terms, it almost seems like an investment (even if a horrible Enron-ish one). His players actually scored some points! However...

Isiah Thomas effectively lit $50.6 million on fire by paying Jerome Williams, Maurice Taylor, Dan Dickau and Stephon Marbury for seasons in which they did not play for the Knicks.

Devastating. (And that list doesn't even include Jerome freaking James!)

Perhaps the worst part of the entire situation lies in the fact that Zeke did not actually initiate any of these contracts. No, some other sucker general manager in the Association decided it was a good idea to, for example, give Jerome Williams a salary cap crippling seven year, $41 million contract. (And you wonder how we got into financial crisis. The subprime mortage stuff is all just a front! NBA front offices did it!!) However, Thomas was more than willing to graciously give the Bulls a mulligan and instead saddle his own team with this unfathomable debt simply to get one Jamal Crawford. Yes, they eventually waived Williams, but the Knicks were still on the hook for $21 million over three years (Hey, it's only half of the entire contract! A bargain!)

And I haven't even brought up Eddy Curry, or drafting Renaldo Balkman one spot ahead of Rajon Rondo, or trading away countless other draft picks...

(Speaking of Balkman-over-Rondo, here's a fantastic line from Pat Forde's article I linked to in yesterday's BAD post:

By that point, Ainge wasn't capable of exhaling. He had arranged for his old team, the Phoenix Suns, to draft Rondo if Rondo was still there when the Suns were to pick at No. 21. He and the Celtics were sure that the Knicks' boss, Isiah Thomas, would ruin everything and draft Rondo at No. 20. But Thomas, himself a point guard, elected to go with Renaldo Balkman at No. 20.

This should surprise none of you.)

Are we cherry-picking some of the worst things possible and ignoring any good things Zeke did during his tenure? (Not that this is a hard thing to do... Zing!) Sure. But facts are facts, regardless of the circumstances. Isiah Thomas, we miss you and your reign of terror and failure at the New York Knicks, but at least your legacy will live on forever. Or at least until Donnie Walsh gets done cleaning up your mess and getting rid of the last of your horrific contracts.