Worst of the Playoff Night: Regression to the Mean Edition

Don't be sad, Roy. There's always nex...oh, wait, you're on the Pacers. Nevermind.
The Atlanta Hawks: Let's see, despite being savaged by Dwight Howard for four straight games, the Dirty Birds managed to build a 3-1 series lead. With a chance to finish the Magic off in Game 5, they (and foul trouble) limited Howard to 8 points on 1-for-4 shooting and 8 rebounds in only 29 minutes.

Said Joe Johnson: "I'm looking forward to playing in the second round of the pla..."

Wait. Hold on a second.

Atlanta trailed by as many as 32 points and lost 101-76? Ooooooooo...I feel a "they are who we thought they were" coming on. Must. Resist.

But, honestly, the Hawks were bawful in so many bawful ways. They scored only 13 points (on 3-for-19 shooting) in the first quarter and finished the half down 58-35.

And, just like that, the game was over.

Atlanta's offense was, in the words of Patches O'Houlihan, like watching a bunch of retards try and hump a doorknob. The Hawks shot 36 percent from the field, shanked 12 of their 16 three-point attempts and bricked 10 free throws. The committed 13 turnovers to only 6 for Orlando, which was a franchise playoff record for the Magic.

Getting back to Atlanta's first quarter of fail, check out this snippet from the AP recap: "The Magic were leading 10-8 when Howard picked up his second personal foul of the night with 5:40 left in the first, but Orlando closed with a 16-5 run without him. Redick had the hot hand, going 5 for 5 in the period and scoring the Magic's last 11 points."

Yes, you read that correctly, Redick shot the Hawks right out of the air.

Quick impression for you: Caw! Caw! Bang! Fuck I'm dead!

(I assume everybody's seen The Crow. If not...what the hell?)

Said Atlanta coach Larry Drew: "We're in a situation where we still feel good about ourselves. We'll go back home. We still have an opportunity. Our fans are gonna be behind us, just as their fans were behind them. So we're gonna put this game behind us as fast as we can."

I have no idea how the Hawks could possibly feel good about themselves. They won Game 3 thanks to an unintentionally banked three by Jamal Crawford and Game 4 thanks to Jason Richardson's suspension. Then they didn't even bother to try in Game 5. Plus...they're the Hawks. They have a long and storied history of playoff chokes. If any team in this postseason was going to surrender a 3-1 series lead, my money would be on Atlanta. It's in their franchise DNA.

Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: On his team's shooting: "We're a good shooting team. This is more of us than what we showed in the first four games. ... This isn't an aberration. We've been doing this for four years. The first four games were the aberration."

Stat check: The Magic shot 41 percent (34-for-83) for the game.

Joe Johnson: The 119 Million Dollar Man finished with 5 points on 2-for-12 shooting. And the Hawks were outscored by 28 points when he was on the floor. Only Jamal Crawford (-30) had a worse plus-minus score.

The Indiana Pacers: It happened. It finally happened. The Bulls started doing Bulls things, and the Pacers became the Pacers again. After a reasonably competitive first half, Indy got outscored 62-43 over the final 24 minutes. As a team, they shot 39.2 percent from the field and gave up 34 points off 21 turnovers. They also gave up 17 fast break points and got their eyebrows singed off as the Bulls shot 14-for-31 from downtown.

The beating truly began thanks to an MVP-like stretch from Derrick Rose, who erupted out of the slump he was in during Games 3 and 4.

With 5:52 left in the third quarter and the Bulls leading 61-57, Rose dished to Taj Gibson for an 18-footer. On Chicago's next possession, Rose drilled a three-pointer to push the lead to 66-57. On the other end, Rose made an amazing block on Roy Hibbert (see below). With 4:31 to go in the third, Rose nailed another three. Five seconds later, he stole the ball from Darren Collison, sprinted the other way, drew a foul from Tyler Hansbrough, and converted one of two free throws. Then, with 2:47 left in the quarter, Rose lobbed in yet another three-bomb to make it 75-60.

And the rout was on.

Rose wasn't the only slump buster. As a team, the Bulls pulled out of the dreadful offensive funk they were in. Well, everybody except Carlos Boozer, that is. To wit: Boozer, who suffered a turf toe injury during the second quarter, finished with fewer points (2) than Rasual Butler (3).

Boozer aside, the Bulls literally blew the lid off the rim. Not figuratively. Literally. There was an actual explosion. With fire. And stuff.

Luol Deng scored 24 points on 7-for-14 shooting, adding 6 rebounds, 7 assists and 3 steals for good measure. With his grandfather and hot sister watching from the stands, Joakim Noah had 14 points, 8 rebounds, 4 blocks and 3 steals. Chicago's Bench Mob added 36 points and 15 rebounds. Taj Gibson in particular delivered a strong performance (10 points and 7 boards) in relief of Boozer.

And Keith Bogans -- yes, that Keith Bogans -- went 5-for-7 from downtown and finished with 15 points. For those who enjoy random stats: The Bulls are now 27-2 when Bogans scores at least 6 points.

Oh, and did I mention yet that Kyle "The Four-Inch Vertical" Korver dunked?

Yep. It was that kinda night for the Bulls. And that kinda loss for the Pacers.

I have to tip my hat and offer a firm handshake to Frank Vogel and his boys, because Indy really gave the Bulls all they could handle. But, in lieu of TNT's "gone fishin'" act, I must nonetheless present "The Lonely Man" theme:


Ah, now, if only the Pacers could have lost with a little more dignity...

Josh McRoberts, lover: Okay. I have no real proof that McBob is a lover...but I have to assume he is because he sure ain't a fighter. Case in point: Watch him try to punch at Joakim Noah and hit...nothing but air.


Said McRoberts: "I was trying to shove back to defend myself."

Uh huh. Right.

For his shadowboxing efforts, McBob was booted and Noah got free throws. That probably should have been the end of this embarrassing spectacle. But it wasn't...

Danny Granger, whine machine: After the game, Granger couldn't let the McRoberts-Noah skirmish go. Couldn't or wouldn't.

Said Granger: "[Joakim Noah] pulled a cowardly move. He cheap-shotted a couple of my teammates, and one gets thrown out ... The refs never catch what he did ... it's cowardly. And I'm going to say something about it. I wanted to say something about it all the way to the game was over. I just don't think the game should be played that way. You can play hard and fight and battle, but when you start cheap-shotting people it gets out of hand."

Uhm, okay. As Shakespeare might say, the lady doth protest too much, methinks. Or did Granger forget about this:


Or this:


Or this:


The Pacers kept this series competitive by making it extremely physical and, at times, dirty. They grabbed. They pushed. The hacked. They threw elbows and committed fouls that were borderline flagrant (or deemed flagrant by the league after the fact) in every game. The Bulls finally retaliate and...they're the dirty ones?

As Stacey King said: "Now, the rabbit's the one holding the gun, and the Pacers don't like it."

Granger continued: He's a dirty player, honestly." What's more, Granger apparently had to be restrained from going after Noah as the teams exchanged handshakes on the court after the game.

Really, Danny? Really?

Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau's response? Whatever.

Said Thibs: "It's just heat of the battle stuff."

Added Noah: "I played dirty? Ok. I'm just trying to win basketball games, man. It's the name of the game. I'm just out there trying to do what I gotta do. Like I said, I give a lot of credit to their team. The play hard as hell. They were competitive. I don't have anything bad to say about them. Everybody saw what happened out there. Now you want to call me a dirty player? I don't think I've ever been a dirty player. It is what it is. It's ok."

Look, the Pacers wanted the games to resemble urban warfare when it benefitted them, and they made a mess in their panties when, after four games, the Bulls started using their tactics against them. I'm just sayin', if you live by the sword, you don't get to complain when somebody runs you through with one.

What makes Granger's sniping worse is that, despite the showering of cheap shots and hard fouls, the Bulls took the high road all series long. They refused to call Foster dirty even after he pulled a Randy Savage on Deng's head. Thibodeau's general response to Indy's bullying tactics: "They're just playing hard. Period."

Then, in defeat, Granger takes the low road with accusations of "cowardly" and "dirty" play. Not Danny's finest hour.

Carlos Boozer: He finished off a nightmarish series by getting outscored by Rasual Butler and suffering a turf toe injury. Now even his own teammates won't high five him. Fail.

H/T to Dan B. for the link.

Roy Hibbert: The officials are bringing out the chains. Okay. The measurements are: Derrick Rose 6'3", Roy Hibbert 7'1". This is important because...


Paul George, layup master: Basketbawful reader gf provided the video for this great moment in Pacers playoff history:


Bulls fans: For whatever reason, the bloggers (other than myself) and commenters at ESPN's Daily Dime Live chat really love to give Bulls fans crap. Because, apparently, only non-Bulls fans get to talk crap.

Anyway, pictures like these aren't going to shift the paradigm:

This shouldn't happen. Ever.
The New Orleans Hornets: Look, we all knew the Hornets were going to have to play another perfect game to win in L.A. last night, and it didn't happen. They some things right, shooting 49 percent from the field and going 10-for-21 from three-point range.

But two things went wrong: They committed 19 turnovers and got outrebounded 42-25. That rebounding deficit included a 15-3 drubbing on the offensive glass. Between the TOs and the offensive boards, the Lakers got eight more field goal attempts and nine more foul shots.

Want more stats? I've got more stats.

From ESPN Stats and Information: "The Lakers finally took advantage of their size inside, outscoring the Hornets 42-30 in the paint. The Lake Show held a 15-3 advantage in offensive rebounds, 22-2 advantage in 2nd-chance points and 7-3 advantage in blocked shots."

Yes, it's true. The Lakers are tall.

Moreover, L.A. got balanced scoring, with six players in double figures: Kobe (18), Andy Bynum (18), The Spanish Marshmallow (16), Derek Fisher (13), The Candy Man (13) and Mr. Citizenship (11). L.A.'s bench outscored the New Orleans reserves 29-14. The Lakers weren't exactly overpowering, but they assumed control in the second quarter and semi-cruised to a 106-90 win.

And, more importantly, a 3-2 series lead.

Said Trevor Ariza: "They got 15 offensive rebounds. They were in the paint all day. They were more aggressive, and they took it to us. They played well. There's nothing that we can say."

Emeka Okafor and Carl Landry, poster boys: One of the most ridiculous and overblown subplots of this game was the status of Kobe's ankle and how he bravely refused an MRI because he doesn't want to know how badly he's hurt. The way Lakers fans were talking, Mamba needed his entire leg amputated, but he was gonna play through it through sheer force of will.

"He's Kobe Bryant! All he cares about is winning! Winning! WINNING!!!"

Reality check: No amount of will power would allow anyone to do this on a broken ankle. The human body doesn't work that way.


Said Hornets coach Monty Williams: "All this talk about his ankle. Did it look like his ankle was hurting? OK then."

Added Kobe: "I just had a lane to the basket. It looked like he was going to challenge me at the rim, and I decided to accept the challenge. ... It's a message for us that this was important. It's time to raise up and do what we've got to do. They're not saved dunks. I don't have much of those left."

I'm not saying Kobe's ankle wasn't sore. But I also think he likes to, ahem, help craft his legend.

Chris' Playoff Lacktion Report: Sorry, folks. Forgot this on the first pass.

Hawks-Magic: Jason Collins collected a board and assist in 14:04 as starting big man, only to brick once and foul twice for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Pacers-Bulls: Jeff Foster's last playoff game of the year managed to generate two boards in 9:44, but also three fouls and two turnovers for a 5:2 Voskuhl.

Hornets-Lakers: Jason Smith soured a field goal in 8:01 with three fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Worst of the Night: March 7, 2011

Ron Artest versus Coffee: I know, I know. It's a day late and it could have happened to almost any player. But it happened to Ron Artest. And these things always seem to happen to him, you know?


Derrick Rose's stalker: This is also a day late. Basketbawful reader GabV sent in a picture of a dude checking out D-Rose's buttocks before the Bulls-Heat game. I'll go one further and provide video of the dude taking a picture of Derrick's butt. I...have nothing more to say.


Erik Spoelstra: After (rather foolishly) outting some unnamed players for crying after a nationally televised home loss to the Bulls on Sunday, Spoelstra could have manned up and said something like, "What happens in our locker room should stay in our locker room. I know that and, from now on, it will. No further comments." Instead, he took the easier and more predictable way out: Blame the media.

The embattled Heat coach claimed his remarks were taken out of context and blamed the media for over analyzing his comments. Neither Spoelstra nor any of the Heat's players revealed Sunday or after Monday's practice who actually shed tears in the locker room following the 87-86 loss to the Bulls.

Spoelstra even went as far as to backtrack a bit from his original comments and said Monday that he wasn't certain that he saw actual tears when the team gathered immediately after the game.

"This is a classic example of sensationalism, looking for a headline," Spoelstra said after the team's two-hour film session and workout on Monday at AmericanAirlines Arena. "I really think you guys are probably reaching for this. Guys were very emotional about it in the locker room. Heads were down. I saw glossy eyes, but that's about it. I think everything else is probably an exaggeration."

An exaggeration? That would seem a little more credible if 'Spo hadn't immediately offered up the whole "crying" thing of his own free will and without any prompting whatsoever from the always-looking-for-a-headline media.

But hey, why take responsibility for your words when you can foist the responsibility onto someone else?

Update! Miami Heat late-game fail compilation: From the SportsPickle via chris:


Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: "I do chuckle a little bit when [members of the Heat] complain about the scrutiny they get. My suggestion would be if you don't want the scrutiny, you don't hold a championship celebration before you've even practiced together. It's hard to go out yourself and invite that kind of crowd and celebration and attention, and then when things aren't going well, sort of bemoan the fact that you're getting that attention."

The New Orleans Hornets: This was one of those classic "Give Them Credit" games. New Orleans was without Chris Paul (concussion) and Trevor Ariza (strained left adductor), and playing on the second night of back-to-back road games in the final game of a five-game road trip. Yet somehow, with their backs against the wall and fighting against the odds, the Hornets tied the game at 77-77 with 3:18 remaining...

...and they never scored again.

Said David West: "I thought we played well enough to win. We had the game right where we wanted it at 77-77 with 3-something to go. We couldn't convert down the stretch. We didn't have enough offense."

New Orleans shot 36.3 percent from the field and gave up 19 points off 11 turnovers. Oh, and Derrick Rose had almost as many assists (9) as the Hornets did as a team (10). As the Fun Police would say: "There's only one set of prints on this ball."

The New Orleans Hornets' uniforms: Mardi Gras is supposed to inspire people to drink and eat to excess, and women to flash their boobs for a five dollar set of beads. Not this. No, not this.

The Orlando Magic: This was another "Give Them Credit" game. The Magic were playing without Dwight Howard, who was serving a one-game suspension for earning his 16th technical foul of the season against the Bulls on Friday night. And, after falling behind by as many as 14 points, they fought back and nearly had a chance to win. I emphasize the "nearly" part of that last sentence. Orlando was doomed by careless turnovers: The Magic bobbled the ball away 19 times, and the Frail Blazers ended up with 10 more shot attempts and eight more free throw attempts. And Portland won by four points.

Said Jason Richardson: "We played really hard, gave it our all, but it just didn't come up at the end. We weren't taking care of the ball. ... They just kept reaching in and knocking the ball out of our hands. You can't win the game when you have 19 turnovers."

Jameer Nelson: The line: 21 minutes, 2 points, 1-for-7, 4 assists, 5 turnovers.

Said Magic coach Stan Van Gundy: "The only guy that had a really bad night was Jameer. He had a really, really bad night."

Don't hold back, coach. Give it to us straight.

Stan Van Gundy: You knew he was going to bitch about Dwight's suspension, right? Basketbawful reader Robert M. did.

Van Gundy quoted an Elias Sports Bureau statistic Monday that notes Howard has been fouled 593 times this season without any of those calls being labeled flagrant.

Asked if the Magic had a case to the league office about whether they feel Howard has been excessively fouled, Van Gundy said he thinks outside input doesn't carry much weight at the league office.

"This is the system David Stern and his minions like it," Van Gundy said. "So that's the system you have...I certainly can't have an opinion because David Stern, like a lot or leaders we've seen in this world lately, don't really tolerate other people's opinion or free speech or anything. So I'm not really allowed to have an opinion. So it's up to him.

"He decides and he likes the system he has."

Howard is serving a one-game suspension Monday night against the Trail Blazers after picking up his 16th technical of the season against Chicago on Friday. For every two technicals he receives the remainder of the season he also must sit out a game.

"I think he has settled down," Van Gundy said. "He's gotten two (technicals) in the last month (and) he hasn't gotten any for arguing. His problems were early in the year when he got a lot of arguing calls. Lately what he's gotten is two for retaliating for hits he's taken after the whistle and I think to be quite honest he's already had great restraint on those plays.

"... You guys can estimate how many of those were hard hits and how many of those were above the shoulders. ... I would say his control is amazing."

The Charlotte Bobcraps: The Clippers entered last night's game 5-25 on the road and 4-16 without Eric Gordon. Plus they're, you know, the Clippers.

Didn't matter. The Bobcraps are just that bad. Gerald Wallace is playing for the Frail Blazers now. Stephen Jackson was out with a strained hammy. And Charlotte has now lost five in a row. It's their longest fail streak since dropping seven straight last season.

There were a lot of reasons they didn't win, but bricking nine freebies in a five-point loss has gotta string.

Vinny Del Negro, coach of the year candidate: "We'll take the win on the road, but we have to have a tougher mentality on the road. We seem to have it more at home. But we need everybody to play at a high level and not worry about minutes and statistics and who has the ball."

The Utah Jazz: "We're not here to have fun. We're not here to enjoy the nightlife. We're not here to get away from Utah. We're here to take care of business and we didn't play like that tonight."

So said Al Jefferson after Utah gave up 40 points in the first quarter, trailed by as many as 31 points and eventually lost 131-109. While the Jazz were committing 20 turnovers, the Knicks were shooting 56 percent from the field (including 13-for-26 from downtown) and registering 35 assists on 46 baskets.

But that's not all. From Elias Sports Bureau:

Amar'e Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony combined for 46 of the Knicks 66 points when the two were on the floor together. When the two players were on the court together New York outscored Utah 66-35. Even more impressive, out of the 19 shots they took combined while on the floor together, they missed only three (16-19, 84.2 pct).

Carmelo Anthony and Amar'e Stoudemire both scored early and often eclipsing the 30-point mark before the 4th quarter began. They are just the 5th pair of teammates over the last 5 seasons to do so. While this has been rare to the NBA, Carmelo Anthony is no stranger to the feat as he has been involved in 3 of the 5 occurences, including both times it has happened this season.

The Jazz have now lost nine of their last 11 games and are tied or ninth place in the West. The ship, as they say, be sinking.

Said Utah coach Tyrone Corbin: "As individuals, as a group, as a franchise, that's embarrassing the way we came out and played tonight. Even if you lose a game, you can lose with some dignity. I don't think this loss tonight did anybody any good."

Somewhere Jerry Sloan is happy he retired. Speaking of Sloan...

Jerry Sloan, complete and total badass: (via Ball Don't Lie) KFAN's Tony Abbott interviewed Jerry's son, Brian, and Abbott revealed the following awesomeness during said interview:

Someone shoots an elk on a mountain hunting trip that Karl Malone had helped them arrange and Jerry and Tony walk up to it. "In a split second, this bull elk jumps up and comes at me full bore at about 10 yards. I'm a sitting duck. Your dad, without a blink, steps in front of me, pulls up [his old rifle that he got for $80 at a garage sale], puts a bullet in this elk's chest, and it falls at my feet. I have no chance to even react. I turn and look at your dad and he looks at me and he goes, 'That's as good as a fast break.'"

Like I said: Complete and total badass.

Al Jefferson: From Ross Siler (via Dan B.): "Has any player ever duplicated Al Jefferson's feat tonight: 36 points, 12 rebounds, team outscored by 33 points while he was on court?"

Carmelo Anthony, quote machine: "We're not going to shoot like that, I don't think. There's not going to be a game where we only miss six or seven shots combined. We hope we go out there and score 30 points and we win and everybody else contributes in their own way, but for me personally, I don't want to do that. I don't want to put that pressure on me to go out there and say that I want to score 30 points a night. I'm past that now."

Amar''''''e Stoudemire, quote machine: "Myself and Carmelo can score 1-on-1 with ease, but to get other players involved and play team basketball is the ultimate goal for us and tonight it worked out very well."

STAT check: Amar'''''e had zero assists.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: Brian Cardinal scored a season-high 12 points. The Timberwolves lost by three points. I know this may sound elementary, but teams that can't contain "The Custodian" won't win many games. In possibly related news, Minnesota's record is now 15-50...worst in the Western Conference.

Said Dallas coach Rich Carlisle: "Without Cardinal, I don't think we'd have won the game. His activity, rebounds, loose balls, deflections, shot-making completely turned the game around."

Rebounds, coach? Cardinal finished with zero boards. Had three steals, tho'.

Kevin Love (23 points and 17 rebounds) got his 51st double-double in a row, which, according the AP recap, is tied with Moses Malone in 1978-79 for the longest streak since the NBA-ABA merger in 1976. And Malone's streak spanned two seasons, so Love's is the longest single-season streak.

The Target Center crowd even chanted "M-V-P!" for him. How cute. Batshit crazy. But cute.

Said Love: "I'd be jumping for joy if we were winning and everybody was playing great, including myself. I'm just going out there and playing hard and it is just kind of happening for me. But it is kind of an afterthought because we aren't winning."

The Oklahoma City Thunder: They let the Care Bears shoot 52 percent from the field, score 21 fast break points and 68 points in the paint, and build a 17-point lead before making a failed fourth quarter rally.

Defense? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Said Thunder coach Scott Brooks: "We got down 17 because our defensive effort wasn't where it needed to be. We gave them too many easy layups and points around the paint. We got back into it because we made some shots, but we still weren't playing the defense that it takes to win in this league."

At least he knows.

The Sacramento Kings: Congrats to Rick Adelmen Adelman, who tied Dick Motta for 10th on the NBA's career coaching victories list (935). Among the top 10 in wins, only Phil Jackson and Red Auerbach have better winning percentages than Adelman (.605).

Bet you never would've guessed that.

Said Adelman: "It means a lot to me. If you take a look at all those names up there [on the top-10 list], they are some of the best coaches."

Kind of a "Captain Obvious" quote, but I'll let it go. He was emotional.

As for the Kings, they trailed by as many as 30 points before losing 123-101. At home. So, uh, when are they moving to Anaheim?

Said Sactown coach Paul Westfail: "You've got to guard somebody. You can't give up 30-point quarters every quarter and expect to win. Our defense was not good enough really ever to give us a chance to hang around in the game."

Added DeMarcus Cousins: "We have a tendency to panic and just try to do things on our own. We are not going to get back into the game that way and we're not going to win games that way. We have to play the whole game together."

In possibly related news, Cousins took 20 shots and committed 4 turnovers while registering only 3 assists. Further related is the fact that Cousins has 57 more turnovers on the season (181) than assists (124). Oh, and he leads the league with 242 personal fouls. That's 23 more than fifth-place Amar''''''e Stoudemire.

Chris's Uncanny Two-Line Lacktion Ledger:

Clippers-Bobcats: DeAndre Jordan jacked up two boards in 17:10 with three fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl as the Clips' starting big!

For Charlotte, Joel Przybilla negated three boards in 10:18 with a brick, four fouls, and a turnover for a 5:3 Voskuhl.

Worst of the Night: December 13, 2010

Marc Gasol's favorite food? Manwich.
The New Orleans Hornets: Well, then. Make it 3-9 since Hornets coach Monty Williams made his infamous "our record might be fool's gold" comment. And I think the ship be sinkin'. Of course, help might be on the way, in the form of four sub-.500 teams in their next five games (Paupers, Pissed-ons, Pacers and Nyets).

But for now, it was yet another offensive castration the Buzzing Bugs, who finished with only 84 points on 41 percent shooting. Other un-notables included their 1-for-13 three-point shooting and their nine-point fourth quarter.

New Orleans hasn't reached the 100-point mark since November 19. That's 13 straight games of pure scoring futility. Pretty soon, we're going to see Chris Paul dressed in a Santa Claus costume and ringing bells on street corners. Only instead of money he's going to be asking people to donate baskets. The Hornets freakin' need 'em.

Said Paul: "We need to get a win so we could see how it feels."

As for the Heat, they've won nine straight games, all by double digits. According to ESPN Stats and Information, that leaves them one win short of matching the NBA record. Which, for the record, is co-held by the 2007-08 Houston Rockets, the 2003-04 New Jersey Nyets and the 1946-47 Washington Capitols.

Also for the record, those three teams combined for zero NBA titles.

Chris Paul: A lowly 3-for-10 from the field and only 5 assists. And one eyeball pointed directly at New York. Or...anywhere.

The "rest" of the Heat: The Heat are going to continue to roll as long as Dwyane Wade (32 points, 8-for-13, 14-for-17 from the line), Chris Bosh (23 points, 11 rebounds) and LeBron James (20 points, 7 assists) do, well, pretty much everything.

Here's the sum total of what fellow starters Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Carlos Arroyo contributed last night: 9 points, 4-for-12, 10 rebounds, 5 assists, 3 blocks, 7 fouls. Meanwhile, the bench came through with 11 points (3-for-11), 6 rebounds, 3 assists, 3 steals, 3 blocks and 10 fouls. Oh, and two DNP-CDs (Eddie House and Jamaal Magloire).

Note that, despite yet another double-digit win, Lebron (40 minutes), Wade (30) and Bosh (38) logged quite a few minutes. I think coach 'Spo knows that's too many, right?

One last thing: An anonymous commenter left this link. It gives the secret of Miami's recent success. This is great.

Especially because when Miami does give maximum effort, it is one of the best defensive teams in the league. Early in the season, when they were basically a .500 team, the Heat's defensive efforts varied nightly and it was a factor in their unsteady play.

So Spoelstra has come up with a deal. It is not an unheard-of proposition. In fact, it is right in the coach's handbook. But originality isn't important -- execution is. And during the Heat's winning streak, their execution has earned a solid A.

Here's how it works: If the Heat get a stop on defense, there will be no play call. In general, the players can just run, jump and play. Like good old recess.

But if they take the ball out of the basket, then they've got to look over at the bench for instructions.

"Coach has said if y'all get rebounds, y'all can do whatever you want," Wade said. "As players we enjoy that. When the ball goes through the basket then we have to do what he wants us to do."

Playing Defense + Rebounding = License to Chuck. You can't make this stuff up.

Still, at least 'Spo's laissez faire coaching is leading to plays like these. Thanks to Basketbawful reader kazaam92 for the link.


The Golden State Warriors: Speaking of ships that be sinking, how about the Warriors, who have lost seven straight games and 12 of their last 13?

Golden State gave up 18 points off 19 turnovers. Furthermore, the Warriors were outscored 50-26 in the paint and 24-11 on the fast break. They had 18 offensive rebounds...but they offset their advantage on the glass and some decent three-point shooting (11-for-25) by shanking 11 free throws.

Of course, the game was still reasonably close before Deron Williams went apeshit, scoring 11 points in the first five minutes of the fourth quarter to help the Jazz run away with it.

Said Warriors coach Keith Smart: "That's what you pay players like that for. You pay them for fourth-quarter heroics, to take over a game and make plays and make big shots. That's why your team moves from one level to another level. "

I wonder if Smart was giving (16 points, 7-for-16, 7 turnovers) the stink eye when he said that.

By the way, Williams finished with 30 points (8-for-16, 4-for-8 on threes, 10-for-11 from the line) to go with 10 assists and 6 rebounds. And to think, as recently as the beginning of last season, a lot of people -- maybe even most people -- thought CP3 was the runaway winner in the "Who's better: Paul or Williams?" point guard debate.

The Portland Frail Blazers: ZACH SMASH PUNY BLAZERS!!

That's right. Zach was vintage Zach last night. Minus the crazy dribbling and air-balled threes. Z-Bo went all Animal Style on the Frail Blazers, going off for 25 points and 20 rebounds, as Portland looked softer inside than a chocolate marshmallow Santa Claus. Which I love and can get three for a dollar at Wal-Greens. But I digress.

Portland had won eight straight games in Memphis, a streak that had lasted nearly five years. But Randolph, who had his fourth 20-20 game with the Care Bears, proved that he doesn't read history books. Or anything else for that matter.

Said Zach: "I just try to be aggressive and hit the glass on both ends and play around the basket."

Keepin' it simple. I like that.

You know, usually holding your opponent to only 86 points on 38 percent shooting will get you a win in the NBA. Not for the Blazers, though, not last night.

The thing is, the Blazers had outscored the Griz 22-12 in the third quarter. Then they got outscored 25-9 in the fourth.

Said Andre Millier: "We had a bad fourth quarter. The most important quarter, and it killed us. That was the game right there."

By the way, that fourth quarter was Portland's lowest-scoring quarter of the season. What's more, the Blazers -- who scored 78 points against the Spurs on Sunday and then only 73 last night in Memphis -- finished with a season-low total for the second straight game.

They must have caught whatever the Hornets have.

Said Portland coach Nate McMillan: "I think the [starting] five, those guys are gassed. I think they have played some heavy minutes. We need the bench to give us a breather. In the fourth quarter, down the stretch, we [are] not able to score late in ball games."

Brandon Roy: 38 minutes. 16 shots. 7 points. At this point, he's barely a shadow of Wesley Matthews. This is getting sad. And ugly.

Greg Oden: Whenever the Blazers get stomped on by an opposing frontcourt player, do you ever find yourself wondering, "What if Greg Oden had a normal human body not made out of used tin foil and scraps of soggy cardboard?" I know I do.

In fact, here's a quick production by position update from 82games.com. You know, in case you were wondering what frontcourt players were doing against the Blazers:

Small Forwards: 21.7 PPG, 56% FGP, 8.1 RPG.
Power Forwards: 20.0 PPG, 56% FPG, 10.7 RPG
Centers: 15.3 PPG, 50% FPG, 11.0 RPG

Tony Allen, quote machine: "It ain't Chinese algebra. If you get stops, and you execute on offense, normally that teams wins."

"It ain't Chinese algebra" is now my new favorite phrase ever.

Rudy Gay, quote machine: "Defense wins games. It's the oldest saying in the book."

Rudy Gay...talking about defense?! Mental note: Time to check Gay's basement for Body Snatcher Pods.

The Dallas Mavericks: Back on November 19, Dallas lost at home to the Bulls and then ripped off a 12-game winning streak. A streak that ended last night. At home. To the Milwaukee Bucks.

I guess the Central Division is the Mavericks' Kryptonite or something.

Mind you, we probably should have seen this coming. On Saturday, Dallas blew a 25-point lead against the Comeback Jazz before eking out a close win. Last night, they went up by 20 points (42-22) in the second quarter and then hit the snooze button.

Mistake.

Said Tyson Chandler: "This was a game we should have won, a game we clearly had under control. We let them back in it."

Memo to Tyson: Milwaukee scored 52 points in the paint. Protecting the paint is your very specific duty. As always, I'm just sayin'.

Added Mavs coach Rick Carlisle: "This kind of slippage we've seen all too often."

I'm sure Dallas fans are nodding vigorously at that one.

Carlisle continued: "I've got to coach harder, the players have got to be more conscientious, we've got to do better than we did tonight."

More conscientious? I don't think helping old ladies across the street is going to help. But, hey, I'm not an NBA coach. What do I know.

But seriously, the Mavericks are going to look back at this one and wonder what the hell happened. Two Bucks starters went scoreless (Luc Richard Mbah a Moute and Larry Sanders) and Milwaukee's big three offseason signings (Corey Maggette, Drew Gooden and John Salmons) went 7-for-21 from the field.

Bonus stats that might mean something: The Mavericks went 5-for-20 from beyond the arc and bricked seven free throws (0-for-4 by Brendan Haywood).

The Indiana Pacers: Can't fault the Pacers too much for this loss. After all, they had to play on the road against a hot team -- the Bulls have now won six straight for the first time since 2006 -- without Danny Granger. And they actually hung in this one until the Stags ripped off a 19-4 run to finish the game.

And yet...Indy has gone 2-5 since back-to-back road wins over the Lakers and Kings gave them a 9-7 record. They're playing good D (9th in Defensive Rating) but their O is bad (21st in Offensive Rating) and devolves into jump shooting by the end of most games. It's amazing that a team that ranks 8th in Pace could be 18th in PPG. But there you have it.

With all due respect to Rudy Gay, it takes defense and offense to win games. I know, I know. It ain't Chinese algebra.

Antoine Walker and Mario West Watch: From Basketbawful reader Benjamin Grenier:

News about D League team Maine Red Claws.

The Red Claws host Antoine Walker and the Stampede on Thursday (7 p.m.) and Sunday (5 p.m.), while also sandwiching a visit to Springfield Friday night. Keep an eye on this space for more on Walker's return later this week.

I live 45 minutes from Portland, Maine, you can be sure I will be going to one, maybe both of these games.

also in the same article

"Maine also announced that Jan. 6 will be Mario West Bobblehead Night, with the first 1,000 fans receiving the collectible courtesy of Wright Express.

'In addition to being a fan-favorite and one of the hardest working players on the team, Mario West’s name will forever be in the Red Claws’ history books as the first player in team history to earn a call-up to the NBA,' said Red Claws president and general manager Jon Jennings. 'We wanted to do something that, not only the fans would enjoy, but that would honor Mario’s unique place in Red Claws’ history.'"

Benjamin, on behalf of everybody who follows this site, we demand a book report if you attend either (or both) of those games.

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Hornets-Heat: Aaron Gray went 100% from the field AND from the stripe in 10:43, totalling an impressive 4 points for the insects from Louisiana...only to lose the rock twice and foul five times for a 7:4 Voskuhl.

Pacers-Bulls: Omer Asik provided the heifers with one assist in 2:35...and one giveaway for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Frail Blazers-Grizzlies: Nioclas Batum barged into the ledger tonight by bricking twice in 8:36 (once from the Peabody Hotel) for a +2 suck differential, while Sean Marks negated two boards in 4:56 with a trio of fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Bucks-Mavs: Steve Novak is BACK for Dallas once more! 10 seconds of trying to find Wario's gold coins resulted in a Mario.

Warriors-Jazz: Charlie Bell rang up a brick from Pioneer Park for a +1 in 5:09, while Dan Gadzuric countered one made free throw in 8:44 with two fouls for a 2:1 Voskuhl. Jeremy Lin and Ekpe Udoh can now afford the cost of living back in the Warriors' Bay Area abode, after 1.35 (1:21) trillion for Mr. Lin and an exact 1 trillion for Udoh!

2010-11 NBA Season Preview: Southwest Division

I wonder if Dirk would be smiling so widely if he realizedthat he looks like the cover model for WNBA Live 2011.
The Dallas Mavericks

Last season, the Mavs won 55 games, which was the second-best mark in the Bestern Conference and fourth-best in the league (behind the Cavaliers, Lakers and Magic). Then they lost in the first round of the playoffs for the third time in the last four years. Sure, it was a six-game defeat by San Antonio, but the Spurs were swept clean in the second round. So I'm not sure that speaks very highly of how good the 2009-10 Mavs actually were.

And check it: Despite being a top team in terms of wins and losses, the Mavericks ranked only 8th in Point Differential, 10th in Offensive Efficiency and 12 in Defensive Efficiency. I say "only" because those are decent rankings. But "decent" and "championship-caliber" are two very different things.

And these Mavs are not contenders. I mean, what's changed?

Mark Cuban re-signed Dirk Nowitzki (four years, $80 million) and Brendan Haywood (six years, $55 million), and he traded Erick Dampier's expiring contract (plus Eduardo Najera and Matt Carroll) for Tyson Chandler's expiring deal (and Alexis Ajinca). Lesser (read that, meaningless) deals included drafting Dominque Jones and signing Ian Mahinmi to a one-year contract.

Other than that, all the Mavericks did was get older. The age of the team's top six players ranges between 30 (Caron Butler) to 37 (Jason Kidd). Dirk Nowitzki is still churning out points at a fairly efficient rate, but the rest of the crew seems to be in slow decline.

Why should we expect this squad to get any better?

Okay, there is a wee smidge of hope. Between Butler, Chandler and DeShawn Stevenson, Cuban has $27 million in expiring contracts. And you know what that means: Mid-season trade! Dallas could almost certainly pick up one or two key players with that kind of money. But unless it's a high-caliber All-Star or Superstar-level player -- which seems doubtful -- I don't see the Mavs leaping from also-ran to major player.

This team has finished with at least 50 wins for 10 straight years, and they'll either reach that mark or come close again this year. But another first round exit -- or, if they get a favorable matchup in round one, an elimination in the conference semis -- is about as optimistic an appraisal as I can muster for these guys.

Which means more Mark Cuban facepalms!

This never gets old. Never.
The Houston Rockets

During the 2009-10 campaign, the Rockets were the little engine that almost could. Despite losing Yao Ming to injury and Tracy McGrady to fail, Houston managed to win 42 games with a bunch of gritty role players giving their best. It was a true underdog story. [Insert uplifting music here -- maybe Queen's "We Are The Champions" -- and feel free to shed a single, dramatic tear.]

Unfortunately for the Rockets, they weren't in a movie. So instead of the happy ending where a group of scrappy misfits bust the odds to defeat a group of vastly superior athletes, the team got an early vacation.


So how did the Rockets improve over the summer? They locked up Luis Scola for five years (overpaying him with a $47 million contract), drafted Scola's backup (Patrick Patterson), overpaid ($24 million!) for backup point guard Kyle Lowry, overspent on Brad Miller ($15 million!) for Yao insurance, and traded Trevor Ariza for Courtney Lee.

Other than the Ariza trade, those moves don't look all that great on paper do they? Or a computer screen. Or an Etch-A-Sketch. But I keep hearing about what a crazy-mad genius Daryl Morey, so I'm sure these were championship moves. Now please wait a moment while I mop up all this dripping sarcasm.

Still, if Yao can stay healthy for once, the Rockets have two legit inside threats (Ming and Scola), a great young point guard (Aaron Brooks), a crack perimeter player (Kevin Martin), and a group of solid role players/shooters (Lee, Shane Battier, Chase Buddinger, etc.). The Rockets have talent. They definitely have talent.

What they also have is a franchise player who's body is made of broken glass covered in soggy marshmallow and tissue paper. Meanwhile, their second best player (Martin) is more of a crispy papier-mâché, having missed 88 games over the past three seasons. Oh, and two speedsters (Brooks and Lowry) surrounded by a bunch of guys who have the quickness of a thick paste (Battier, Ming, Miller, Scola, Chuck Hayes, Pat Patterson). It's kind of hard to fast break when most of your team takes 10 seconds or more to cross halfcourt.

Doesn't another Yao injury, 40-45 wins and a brave but ultimately futile playoff chase sound about right? Yeah, it sounds right to me, too.

The Memphis Grizzlies

The general consensus among NBA fans is that the Grizzlies had what was, for them, a wildly successful season last year.

Reality check: That success equated to a 17th place finish in Offensive Efficiency, a 24th place finish in Defensive Efficiency, 40 wins, and yet another year of watching the playoffs from the lavish comfort of their own homes while covered in Victoria's Secret models and hundred dollar bills. Or maybe fifty dollar bills.


When the 2009-10 season was about to open, some Basketbawful readers suggested an "Assist Watch" for the Grizzlies, who opened the year with Allen Iverson, O.J. Mayo, Rudy Gay and Zach Randolph on the roster...notorious ball stoppers one and all. Sure, Memphis sent Iverson packing when he started ranting about minutes -- which happened after the first game, mind you -- but that still left the Griz with a "Big Three" who live by the motto "I will go down shooting. And then shoot from my grave."

The result: According to ESPN's John Hollinger, the Grizzlies had the lowest percentage of assisted field goals last season. And according to Basketball-Reference.com, Memphis finished with only three more total assists than the 12-win New Jersey Nets.

Shock. Awe. More shock.

For all their "success," the Care Bares were a shot-happy, defenseless bunch who probably would have won only 30-35 games if they hadn't led the league in offensive rebound percentage (KBAs, baby!).

Don't worry. It gets worse.

During the offseason, owner Michael Heisley made a series of mystifying moves, like way overpaying ($81.6 million!) for Rudy gay, letting Ronnie Brewer walk (after having acquired him from Utah for a first round pick), immediately insulting two smart draft picks (Xavier Henry and Greivis Vasquez) by offering them 20 percent less than the maximum specified by the Collective Bargaining Agreement, and then selling the 25th overall pick in the 2010 draft to the Dallas Mavericks.

Oh, and he signed Acie "One and a half feet in the NBA grave" Law.

The Grizzlies have a beastly frontcourt in Randolph and Marc "Why am I still so underrated anyway?" Gasol, a couple streaky perimeter players in Gay and Mayo, and...Mike Conley at point guard. Ugh.

Adding Henry, Vasques and Tony Allen will improve the team's depth, but I wouldn't trust this bunch any more than I would trust Eddy Curry to guard my ham sandwich. This team won't make the playoffs. Heck, they probably won't win 40 games again. Maybe ever.

But at least they have Allen marinating in the locker room.

The New Orleans Hornets

Chris Paul is begging, crying, and even screaming for some help. And if the Hornets don't give it to him, he's probably going to leave.

Seriously.

Well, no worries, Chris: Help is on the way!

Here you go: Trevor Ariza, Marco Belinelli, Craig Brackins, Quincy Pondexter, Mustafa Shakur, Jason Smith, Jerryd Bayless! And Aaron Gray!!

Oh dear God. CP3 is so gone.

I mean, the starting five -- Paul, Ariza, David West, Emeka Okafor and Marcus Thornton -- is solid (if not spectacular) enough. But there's no depth. None. The New Orleans bench is like one of those old NBA Live games where the reserves were just a bunch of faceless guys who cheered and clapped in an endless loop. Even if everybody stays healthy and Chris Paul plays like a miniature Godzilla pumped up on Super Soldier serum, this team's ceiling is, what, 40-45 games? Unless coach Monty Williams turns off fatigue so the starters can play 48 minutes a night...oh wait, this isn't NBA Live.

The only winner here is going to be the Knicks when they trade for Paul at the deadline. Just kidding. But not really.

The San Antonio Spurs

Look, can we just agree that the window has closed?

Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. A lot of Spurs backers are pointing at the Tiago Splitter signing and using that as proof that there's still a glimmer of hope. Maybe even more than a glimmer.

I said it before and I'll say it again:


Look, I'm not trying to get lazy with my analysis here. But the Spurs aren't contenders for one key reason: Tim Duncan is in decline. It's hard to tell. I mean, he's played at least 75 games in each of the last five seasons (including 78 last year). His PER has been standing pat at 24+ for the past four seasons, including a fifth-place mark of 24.7 last year (which is only three-tenths of a point off his career PER of 25.0). And he's still in the top 10 in categories like Rebound Percentage, Defensive Rating and Win Shares.

See, that's how freaking amazing Tim Duncan is: Even in decline, he's awesome.

But he's not what he was. He's not. If you have an HD television, you can practically watch his knees creak. And even though he's still amazingly efficient and as smart as ever, he doesn't dominate the way he used to. He doesn't own games like in the old days. And when he has bad nights -- often against the better teams -- they're stinkers. Take his 5-point, 1-for-10 performance in a 110-84 loss in Orlando. Or his 6-point, 2-for-11 outing in a 92-83 home loss to the Lakers. Or even his 4-for-23 brickfest at Indiana.

Everybody has bad nights. And Duncan still has more good nights than bad ones. For instance, he had a 27-rebound game in a win over the Hawks and grabbed another 26 rebounds in that Indy game. But you can't automatically pencil TD in for total domination anymore. Which is a problem, because he's the foundation of San Antonio's offense and defense.

The Celtics can get away with Kevin Garnett's semi-gimpy knees because he anchors their defense but is only a happy addition on offense. Duncan is responsible for everything. Sure, Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili (assuming their health holds out) take pressure off on the offensive end. But the O begins with Duncan and the D ends with him.

Unfortunately, Duncan is 34 years old and his NBA odometer reads 977 regular season games and 35,577 game played, plus another 170 playoff games and 6,740 minutes played. Timmy has spent the last decade-plus carrying the Spurs on his back -- and make no mistake, Duncan (not Kobe, LeBron, or Shaq) was the best player of the 2000s -- and I just don't think he has it in him to keep doing it and win a championship.