Worst of the Night: March 15, 2011

The Milwaukee Bucks: Another night, another 85 points, and another crippling-for-their-playoff-hopes loss for the Bucks. Last season at this time, opposing teams were Fearing the Deer. This season, the Deer are Fearing the Headlights.

After being held to 56 points by Boston on Sunday, Milwaukee was shut down and lit up in Atlanta. Joe Johnson dropped 36 -- including 28 in the first half -- on 13-for-19 from the field and 6-for-9 from downtown. Josh Smith shot 8-for-12, Al Horford went 7-for-12, Marvin Williams went 7-for-9, and Kirk Hinrich and Damien Wilkins both went 3-for-3. As a team, the Hawks shot 63 percent from the field and 11-for-19 from beyond the arc and finished with an Offensive Rating of 120.8.

Hey...I thought the Bucks were supposed to be good at that "defense" thing.

Said Milwaukee coach Scott Skiles: "It's just another one of those games where we didn't play very well."

That's one bummed-out-sounding coach.

Status check: In their last two games, the Bucks have scored a combined total of 141 points (70.5 PPG) and been outscored by 56 points (28 PPG). And at 26-40, they're...only 2.5 games out of eighth place in the East?! Jesus Christ.

Update! Andrew Bogut, quote machine: From Basketbawful reader Dan:

"I think we focused too much on scoring today and not enough on defense," said Milwaukee center Andrew Bogut.

I guess scoring 30 more points than against the Celtics is focusing on offense, but that's just sad.

The Washington Wizards Generals: How low are the expectations for the Generals? The Bulls beat them by 19 points despite being without both Carlos Boozer (sprained ankle) and Joakim Noah (flu-like symptoms!) and commenters in ESPN's Daily Dime Live chat were wondering why the Bulls weren't up by 30 at the half.

What's more: The Bulls held Washington to 79 point on 43 percent shooting and scored 22 points off 16 forced turnovers. The Generals managed only 33 points over the final 24 minutes. And yet Chicago coach Tom Thibodeau expressed near-disgust with his team's defensive performance.

Kurt Thomas nailed a buzzer-beating three at the end of the first half. It was Big Sexy's first three-pointer since April 10, 2005.

Oh, and did I mention that Keith Bogans drilled five triples and dropped a season-high 17 points?

You know you suck when...

In all fairness to the Generals, they were missing Rashard Lewis (knee), Cartier Martin (knee), Josh Howard (knee), Andray Blatche (shoulder) and Nick Young (more flu-like symptoms!). So, yeah, they were undermanned. Or whatever.

Said Washngton coach Flip Saunders: "We started three rookies. We had a lot of opportunities to fold, especially the games we've played the last week or so. I thought our guys played hard. We just ran out of gas."

Nope, nosiree, no folding here. In probably unrelated news, the Generals are now 1-30 on the road this season. According to the AP game notes, only one team has gone 1-40 on the road since the NBA went to an 82-game schedule in 1967-68: The 1990-91 Sacramento Kings. C'mon. You knew I was going to work in a Kings reference, right?

JaVale McGee and the Quest for the Triple-Double Last night, McGee threw a block party in the United Center. He stuffed 12 shots...the most swats by an NBA player since Keon Clark registered 12 rejections back on March 23, 2001. It was also the most shots any player has had against the Bulls in a regulation game.

McGee ended up one block shy of the franchise record for blocks in a game set by Manute Bol, who returned 15 packages to sender for the then-Bullets on February 26, 1987.

Said McGee: "I had three [blocks] the first quarter and I was trying to match that in the second quarter and I had seven, so I was like I'm going to try and get 14. It was working for me tonight. I was blocking so good in the first half people were starting to hesitate and were more afraid to go up and it was easier to block shots."

Note JaVale never once said anything about his team in that quote.

Anyway, with the game way out of hand in the fourth quarter, the final few minutes were consumed by a) the United Center crowd's desire for free Big Macs and b) McGee's mad quest for the final point he needed for a triple-double. And JaVale got it on a dunk with 18 seconds left...then celebrated by hanging on the rim and screaming.

Said McGee: "That was the hardest one point I ever tried to make in my life. It was crazy, but I got it. It was a dunk of relief."

Note again that he didn't say anything about his team in that quote. In possibly related news, the Generals were down 18 at the time. And McGee earned a tech for his masturbatory celebration, and Kyle Korver knocked down the freebie, so McGee's dunk ended up being a net gain of only one point for his team. Kept 'em from losing by 20, though.

Here's video of McGee's sad end-of-game quest. I've seen WoW addict less desperate to lose their virginity.


Bad as that was, it was only the second-most pathetic attempt at a triple-double in Washington franchise history:


Looks like I need to update my old Worst Evers: Triple-Doubles post.

The New York Knicks: Okay. This one hurt:


But forget Danny Granger's heroics. What really killed the Knicks was letting Tyler Hansbrough score a career-high 30 points. Mind you, Psycho T's previous career-high of 29 points was established in New York last Sunday.

Reality check: Hansbrough averaged 10.5 PPG on 46.2 percent shooting. In back-to-back games against the Knicks and Mike _'Antoni's _efense, he scored 59 points on 65 percent shooting (24-for-37).

Said 'Melo: "We all know what he was capable of doing. I don't think we made adjustments to him at the top of the key. Especially after the game he had in the Garden, I would think we would make some adjustments after that. He's played great these last two games."

Added Shawne Williams: "It feels bad. We know we got to get it going, some kind of way. I feel like we all got to take a good look in the mirror and redefine ourselves. We got to take more pride in defense."

In possibly related news, the Pacers scored 119 points on 52 percent shooting.

By the way, the Knicks are 5-6 in their last 11 games, including two losses to the Cadavers (12-53) and back-to-back losses to the Pacers (29-38). It's true what people have been saying: The Knicks are back! The bad Knicks.

Amar''''''e Stoudemire, poster boy: Apparently, STAT things his offense is his interior defense.


The Dallas Mavericks: Last Wednesday, the Mavs choked away a seven-point lead in the final 1:13 of a 93-92 loss to the New Orleans Hornets, after which Dallas coach Rick Carlisle called his team "soft." Jason Terry was pissed. Caron Butler, who's not even playing at the moment, added, "I think this team is far from soft."

One week later, and the Mavericks (after thumping the increasingly defenseless Knicks) have lost back-to-back gut check games against the Lakers and Frail Blazers. And last night's loss in Portland was a particularly bitter pill to swallow, considering Dallas shot 59.7 percent from the field and got a Beast Mode game out of Dirk Nowitzki (28 points, 9-for-14 from the field, 9-for-9 from the line, 11 rebounds, and, of course, 0-for-1 on a potential game-winner).

Dallas gave up 15 offensive boards and got outscored 48-36 in the paint. But remember what Butler and Terry said: They ain't soft.

However, the Mavs have now lost four of six after winning 18 of 19, and the Lakers have leapfrogged them for second place in the West.

Chris's Invincible Lacktion Ledger:

Bucks-Hawks: Josh Powell chained himself to the ledger tonight despite a board in 6:06 by losing the rock twice for a 2:1 Voskuhl, while Zaza Pachulia put two assists aside in 11:49 with three fouls and a turnover for a 4:0 Voskuhl.

Generals-Bulls: Mustafa Shakur bricked twice (once from the Sears Tower) in 2:20 for a +2, a suck differential matched by THE Brian Scalabrine in 4:12 from Congress Street! Also recording lacktive marks for the heifers were Omer Asik, who negated a free throw and board in 9:36 with two fouls and a turnover for a 3:2 Voskuhl, and new Chicagoan Rasual Butler, powering up a Virtual Boy in 57 seconds for a Mario.

Mavs-Frail Blazers: Dallas's Brian Cardinal produced one piece of masonry for a +1 in 4:48.

Bawful After Dark: March 14, 2011

"Gimme your lunch money, kid! I'll shake it out of your pockets if you don't give it to me!"
Anyone else really disappointed Bawful didn't inform us he missed today's post thanks to "flu-like symptoms?" For shame.

The NBA -- rather approprately -- scheduled an April Fool's Day game between the Cadavers and Generals. Even more appropriately, jose3030 discovered this sweet ticket deal on Stubhub:

Uh, I think I'm going to need to get a different credit card to buy those, Stubhub. Gimme a few minutes...

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

Is it possible that Andrei Kirilenko's strategy is to distract his opponents with his ridiculous hair and general appearance?

"Wow, your face is soft! Do you use moisturizer?"

I've seen a pic of Tim Duncan doing this like 825 times, but it still creeps me out

"You see that ball? Yes, ball. See that round thingy? That's a hoop. Put ball in hoop. Got it?"

Robert Sarver finally is hit with the terrible realization that he's wasted Steve Nash's career

I haven't seen a face that smug since this guy:


Nationally Televised Games:
Spurs at Heat, ESPN, 8pm: This game speaks for itself, so I'm just going to post this randomly amazing animated GIF of Jeff Van Gundy that JE Skeets shared earlier today.

Woah.

Magic at Lakers, ESPN, 10:30pm: Controversy!! Dwight Howard has seemingly shunned Marcin Gortat. Per Gortat: “We didn’t shake our hands, we didn’t talk to each other, we didn’t say anything. And that’s fine, at the end of the day he’s on a different team, I’m on a different team, and I’m a grown-ass man, I don’t need him any more.” Anyone else picturing Dwight Howard making a frowny face in response to this? Because I am. And it is making me chortle.

All The Other Games:
Celtics at Nyets, 7pm: According to The Score's shot chart for the downright ridiculous Celtics/Bucks 87-56 game yesterday, Troy Murphy appears to have a made shot from out of bounds behind the backboard. Nice. I was unaware HORSE shots counted in the NBA.

Thunder at Wizards, 7pm: Kendrick Perkins might be making his Thunder debut against the Generals. Way to kick a team when they're down, guys.

Nuggets at Hornets, 8pm: Protip: don't count on JR Smith shooting lights friggin' out from downtown in the 4th quarter every game like he did against Detroit. That was maaaaaaaybe just an aberration.

Clippers at Grizzlies, 8pm: Three of the Grizzlies' remaining 15 games are against the Clippers. Talk about favorable scheduling down the stretch.

Suns at Rockets, 8:30pm: Steve Nash is expected to miss his second straight game with what the team has called "pelvic instability." (I'm not sure what that is, but it sounds worse than the "pelvic inactivity" which I just decided is great euphamism for a lack of sex that I will have to casually drop into conversation at some point soon.) But either way, Aaron Brooks will get the start. Against his former team. Intriguing...

76ers at Jazz, 9pm: It's possible that the Sixers can sweep the Jazz for the first time in 23 years. Mind-boggling.

Warriors at Kings, 10pm: You mean to tell me Kevin Love's double-double streak was ended by the Warriors? Oh snap! The Kings might not break 50 points in this game!

Bawful After Dark: March 1, 2011

Maloofs? More like Aloofs! (rimshot)
Here's an absolute must-watch video: A Mike Bibby Wizards Generals Retrospective.




Best new Tumblr page? Sad Perk. Case in point:

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Not sure why, but Thibodeau's expression here is creeping me out

...Though not as much as this expression

Nationally Televised Games:
Knicks at Magic, NBA TV, 7pm: Funny what a difference trades can make. A month ago, this game is beyond irrelevant. Now it's relevant enough to be on national TV! Well, at least an optionally available channel if you get the right package from your cable/satellite provider. Assuming that provider even offers the channel. So, uh, that's nice. (Damn you, NBA-TV-having people.)

All The Other Games:
Warriors at Pacers, 7pm: That OT defeat versus the Suns marked the fourth loss in six games. Can we go ahead and call the death of the dead coach bounce?

Mavericks at 76ers, 7pm: According to Wojnarowski: "Agent Bob Myers tells Y! that clients T.J. Ford (Pacers) and Jason Kapono (Sixers) are 'both unlikely to be bought out.' Midnight deadline." How unfortunate. Kapono's Null-Star status should have gotten him a ticket to a better organization, right?

Also, Deadspin just posted this recreation of Mark Cuban's Twitter slap fight with Buzz Bissinger. Stunning.

Hornets at Craptors, 7pm: Meanwhile, we all have sort of accepted that the Hornets are fool's gold. That being said, ladies and gentlemen, the Toronto Craptors!

Pistons at Bucks, 8pm: Is anyone else as compelled by the absolutely ridiculous John Kuester saga in Detroit? We keep hearing these little tidbits, such as Rip Hamilton violently berating him in front of teammates, but there's no validation or proof of any claims either side is making. I anxiously await further developments because it seems like anything could happen next.

Lakers at Timberwolves, 8pm: The last game before Kevin Love's epic double-double streak? Against the Lakers. Revenge game time? (Not that it really matters for the final score, but moral victories, folks. Moral victories.)

Spurs at Grizzlies, 8pm: With Tony Parker on the shelf for a couple weeks, things could get interesting. Memphis is one of those up-and-down, unpredictable teams, and they're on one of their stretches of "we're good enough to make the playoffs!" basketball. Of course that's capable of switching to "we're the friggin' Grizzlies? Ughhhhhhhh!" at any point in time.

Rockets at Frail Blazers, 10pm: Did you know the Rockets have won five straight road games? Where the hell did they come from?

Bawful After Dark: February 28, 2011

Free taco-like item excitement?
No time to waste, straight to the bawful!

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

"My entire team hates me! Inconceivable!"

"Hmm... What should I do... I better call my bookie and put $5k more on this horse in the 5th..."

Marc Gasol always makes my day 83% better

Hey! Your name's not Joe! And it's not even Larry! I'm so confused!!

Man, even the Wizards Generals' mascot sucks. Depressing.

"It's okay, Manu. We don't have Portland's training staff. Tony Parker's career isn't over!"

Nationally Televised Games:
Celtics at Jazz, NBA TV, 9pm: You know, even after the trade action, the Celtics are still old. However, on the bright side, they aren't as old and lame as this website. (Seriously, go look at this trainwreck. It's the closest thing I've seen to a Geocities page in awhile. Mind-blowing stuff, people.)

All the Other Games:
Suns at Nyets, 7pm: So the Nyets get Deron Williams to pick apart the Suns defense, and I just read a game preview that referred to the Suns as "surging." Fffffuuuuuuuuu...

Bulls at Wizards Generals, 7pm: Mike Bibby just gave up $6.2 million to not play for Washington. Giving away $6,200,000 to NOT play for a team. I don't even have a joke here. Just crippling depression.

Hawks at Nuggets, 9pm: An OT loss against the Frail Blazers was the first sign of a post-Melo/Billups trade letdown. But I don't know if that will resurface again tonight. I mean, really, the Dirty Birds in their longest road trip of the year? That's not very scary. Friggin' Ghost Ship is scarier than that... Okay, maybe I took that a bit too far. But you get my point.

Clippers at Kings, 10pm: Ah, the eternal battle to see which California club can be more screwed up... Current upper-hand: Clippers.

Bawful After Dark: February 1, 2011

"Damn Maggette, your breath is funky! Ever heard of Listerine?"
Attention Bawfulites! This Joe Posnanski blog post about the Cleveland Cavaliers Cadavers is required reading: Losing As Destiny.

The Mavs are at it again. This time, we are treated to Tyson Chandler Punch-Out:


Body blow! Body blow!

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Only one thing comes to mind: that one sound from The Price is Right

Pacers fans are a never-ending source of entertainment

Speaking of the Pacers, here's their new head coach, Frank Vogel. I can see we're gonna have fun with this guy

LeBron, now with karate chop action!

Back off, Sean Combs Puffy Daddy P. Diddy. You haven't been relevant in a decade

Elbow stinger to the crotch = best way to freeze your defender, apparently

"Oh, sorry. You weren't drinking that, were you?"

All The Games:
Wizards Generals at Hornets, 8pm: Twenty four road game losses to start the season. The Generals have now secured at least the third worst start away from home. In hindsight, perhaps having Red Klotz take over the team was a bad idea.

Spurs at Frail Blazers, 10pm: Speaking of playing on the road, it's time for the Spurs' annual Rodeo Trip. Nine consecutive road games while the rodeo takes over the AT&T Center. They tend to use their rodeo trip to work on problems and get set for the stretch run to the playoffs. So what a better way to start than a slowdown, defensive grindout against the Blazers? I don't really have a joke here -- I am just interested to see how the Spurs respond to this particular game.

Celtics at Kings, 10pm: Intriguing matchup. Both of these teams have taken down the mighty Lakers recently! (Of course I'm being facetious and fully expect the Purple Paupers to revert back to the mean and resume their usual sucky ways)

Rockets at Lakers, 10:30pm: STOP THE PRESSES! According to ESPN, "Sore knee keeps Andrew Bynum out of Lakers' practice." Of course it does. Whomever had "before February" in their "Bynum Jacks up His Knees" pool, please collect your winnings.

Also, there's talk that Mitch Kupchak may not be opposed to making some moves to strengthen the Lakers roster.

Head coach Phil Jackson was asked what changes his team would make.

"Suicide," Jackson deadpanned. "We'll commit suicide ... mass suicide."

Lakers forward Lamar Odom assured reporters that nobody was jumping off a ledge.
"No, no, no," Odom said. "There's no coming back from that, that's it. I'm not committing suicide."

So, that's good news I guess? The Lakers aren't going to commit suicide. You can rest easy now, Wild Yams.

Bawful After Dark: January 13, 2011

Watch that hand, Blake. It's wandering a little there...
Here's a study worth checking out: "Who are the NFL's chattiest announcers?" I'd like to see a similar rundown for NBA announcers. And if they ever did something similar, but instead measured the size and commonality of the words used, Bill Walton would certainly be an outlier on that data sheet.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Double the facepalms, double the fun misery

"Oh, hello there..."

"Whaddya mean you don't like the beard? Come on baby! Chicks love it! No, I don't think I should go with just a mustache!"

Nationally Televised Games:
Magic at Thunder, TNT, 8pm: Talk about a far cry from the craptacular assortment of games we've seen earlier in the week.

Heat at Nuggets, TNT, 10:30pm: So, will LeBron's injury not bother him most of the game, but mysteriously flare up and destroy his athletic ability as soon as the game gets close?

All The Other Games:
Wizards Generals at Timberwolves, 8pm: Really? Really?? I'm just going to point out one sobering stat once again: Washington is 0-18 on the road this year. It's January, and they still haven't won a single road game. Did anybody bother to tell them it's the actual game and not just practice? Ugh. This game gets my Seal of Disapproval:

Worst of the Night: December 16, 2010

Welcome to Nene's poster, Timmy. Sad Duncan Face.
The Generals-Nyets game: In THIS COR-NAH, coming in with AN 0-12 ROAD RECORD: The WASHINGTON...GEN-UH-RALS! And in the OTHER COR-NAH, weighing in with AN EIGHT-GAME LOSING STREAK: The hometown NEW...JERSEY...NYETS!

Okay, okay. It wasn't exactly a heavyweight slugfest. It was more like two eight-year-old girls slap-fighting over a Bratz doll. Actually, no. That would be far more entertaining than what went on in the Prudential Center last night.

New Jersey's basketball incompetence (40 percent shooting -- including 2-for-8 from downtown -- plus 21 turnovers) was narrowly outmatched Washington's spectacular suckitude (39 percent shooting with 21 turnovers).

In the end, this monstrosity was decided at the charity stripe, where the home team had a 47-28 advantage in free throw attempts. And it's a good thing, too, considering they bricked 12 of 'em.

Of course, the Generals were minus John Wall and Andray Blatche. And Devin Harris showed off his mad leadership skillz by calling a team meeting to let his fellow Nyet know that, if they lost this game, they might not win a game this month.

Said Devin Harris: "This was one we had to have. If I'm going to be the guy here, then it's all about being aggressive and making things happen. ... It's not the way we wanted to win. We had to scratch and claw for everything. We have to be able to get it any way we can. This is the way we have to play."

Again: 40 percent shooting and 21 turnovers. And this is the way you guys have to play, Devin?No wonder your team is now 52-129 -- almost a full NBA season below .500 -- since you said "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" back in December of 2008.

Screamed Nyets coach Avery Johnson: "HE HAD A LITTLE TEAM MEETING WITH THE GUYS AND THE GUYS RESPONDED. DEVIN TOOK CHARGE ON BOTH ENDS OF THE FLOOR FOR US. WE NEED DEVIN TO PLAY LIKE THIS. WE NEED DEVIN TO TAKE SHOTS."

Let's see now. Devin finished 7-for-25 from the field, 1-for-5 from downtown and 14-for-17 from the line. Oh, don't worry, Avery. He'll take shots. He'll definitely take shots.

The Atlanta Hawks: As I like to say, NBA teams don't get many breaks, but the Dirty Birds got a poopload of them last night. The Celtics had an entire lineup of dudes sitting this one out -- Rajon Rondo (sprained ankle), Shaq (sore right calf), Jermaine O'Neal (sore left knee), Delonte West (right wrist surgery) -- plus Von Wafer left the game after only two minutes of PT due to a sore back.

Not only that, the Celtics were coming off a last-second win against the Knicks in New York the night before. Injured, using a lineup filled with old guys, and starting Turkish Semih Erden who finished with zero rebounds in 24 minutes. Doc Rivers had to dust off Avery Bradley and Luke Harangody for some first half action. Luke Harangody.

Uhm, that's now how you do it, Luke.
Hell, the Hawks even had a 24-11 advantage in free throw attempts. In Boston.

No matter. The Celts ran away with it in the fourth and won 102-90. It was their 12th straight win. And looking at their next two games -- at home against the Pacers and Sixers -- that streak could make it to 14. And by the way, if you're wondering why Doc Rivers is resting Shaq, look no further than Boston's Christmas day matchup with the Magic in Orlando. I have a feeling The Big Gimpy will play in that one.

Celtics fans: Celebrate!


Atlanta -- who, in all fairness, had to play without Joe Johnson and Jamal Crawford -- couldn't hold onto the ball (18 turnovers) or stop the Celtics from scoring. Boston shot 53 percent as a team. Kevin Garnett continued to proove he ain't dead yet by finishing with 17 points (8-for-10) and 14 rebounds. Not bad on the second night of back-to-backs. Paul Pierce dished out 10 assists in his temporary role as point forward. Ray Allen went 7-for-13 for his 18 points. Big Baby had a double-double (18 points and 10 boards). Even little Nate Robinson chipped in with 14 points. On 15 shots. But still.

Said Josh Smith: "I'm not making excuses, but we still had two of our main scorers out also."

Smith -- who kinda-sorta becomes option numero uno with Johnson and Crawford out -- finished with one point on 0-for-8 shooting. Those numbers are a bit off his season averages of 16 points on 48 percent shooting. Speaking of which...

Josh Smith, worst player of the night: See above.

Kevin Garnett, quote machine: "What are you going to do? Quit? Put your clothes on and go home? That's not what we do here."

The Denver Nuggets: Talk about a rough ending for Denver.


I have a feeling the Nuggets were seeing Manu Ginobili in their dreams last night. And in those dreams, he'll still be moving.

Said Carmelo Anthony: "No, obviously what I think and what they called are two different things. I thought I made a great play. I took advantage of how Richard (Jefferson) was guarding, attacked. I don't think I could've got a better look at it than that. It's tough, you know, just going out there playing as hard as we played out there and to lose the game on something like that.”

More angst from the AP recap:

Nuggets coach George Karl was crestfallen over the call.

"It's a play that I think goes either way a lot," Karl said. "It seemed like the referees, they like to hit us with tough calls. It was a tough call. Good play. Good basketball. Melo made a great play. It's close. I've seen it called both ways."

But at the buzzer?

Told that TV analyst Scott Hastings said he hadn't seen that in his nearly three decades watching NBA basketball, Karl said, "I'd probably agree with Scott."

Karl wasn't done there, though. From NBA FanHouse:

"Refereeing is hard to understand sometimes," said Karl, who at least said his injury-riddled team could get big man Kenyon Martin back next week from offseason knee surgery and should have big man Chris Andersen return from a back injury. "There are so many things that, it's just strange. Some of the things, it's just strange sometimes. Nene I think is the probably No. 1 guy in this league (that doesn't get respect from the officials, in Karl's view). He got three touch fouls at the beginning of the third quarter. He had three fouls called on him. One that took away a dunk."

The three fouls all were called between the 10:19 and the 9:56 mark of the third quarter.

"If we show them on film, they don't exist," Karl said. "We have films that we send into the league office that (fouls) don't exist. And here's a guy that's close to an All-Star, and he just doesn't get a lot of respect. I think it affects you. We tell them to fight through it, forget it, refereeing will come back and all that stuff. It just sometimes seems that we don't get the whistles sometimes I think we earn by how hard we're playing and how well we're playing."

Look, I understand Karl's frustration. First, NBA superstars usually get the benefit of close calls. Second, officials typically "let the players decide things" at the end of games. So the outcome flies in the face of conventional wisdom.

Haywoode Workman was the official who made the call. Woody is a former NBA player -- a former Pacer thank you very much -- and he was a tough customer back in the day. And as much as I hate to say it, as much as I have (historically speaking) hated Ginobili's flopping ways, I think Workman got it right. Yeah, Manu was still moving a teeny, tiny bit, but he was about as set as most guys are when they take a charge. It was certainly a close call. But probably the right one.

Kenny And Charles: Basketbawful reader JR e-mailed me the following passionate rant:

After Spurs-Nuggets last night, Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley went completely off the reservation. Manu Ginobili's latest heroics prompted Barkley to question whether Manu is "the best foreign player ever." Kenny then argued that either Dirk Nowitzki or the late Drazen Petrovic should be ranked above Manu.

Before the two really got started, it took Ernie Johnson to bring up the name Hakeem Olajuwon. And Charles and Kenny completely ignored it and went on debating whether Drazen Petrovic was better than Manu. Two former teammates of the Dream. Kenny Smith has two freaking championship rings BECAUSE OF OLAJUWON and they don't even acknowledge him in their little debate. Ernie might as well have nominated Frederic Weis.

As Charles Barkley himself would have said, Hakeem must be rolling over in his grave.

Brandon Roy: ESPN's Chris Broussard provided the full scoop on Roy's feelings about his too-slow backcourt mate Andre Miller:

It's no secret that playing alongside Andre Miller frustrates Brandon Roy. Miller keeps Roy from handling the ball as much as he wants and doesn’t spread the floor enough for Roy’s liking.

After Monday's loss to Memphis, Roy all but blamed his struggles this season on Miller, saying "I wasn't that slow until you put a guy who is kind of slow next to me. I've always been kind of slow. Not to be controversial at all, but I was slow my rookie year, and now it's ..."

Roy, who's lacked the explosiveness we've seen from him in the past, apologized for his comments two days later, but his frustration remains -- and Wednesday's four-point performance in another L at Dallas certainly didn’t improve his mindset.

But is Roy frustrated enough to leave Portland?

Depends on who you ask.

One plugged-in person with knowledge of Portland's inner workings told me Roy spoke with Blazers management less than two weeks ago about the need for Miller and him to part ways. While Roy did not issue a trade demand or request, I’m told he said something to this effect:

This is not going to work, so you should trade one of us. Whether it's him or whether it's me, somebody needs to be traded because this is not going to work.

And Chris Broussard also points out that Roy is in the first-year of a five-year, $82.3 million contract extension...and sources say his knees are not insured.

Shit.

Now, Portland general manager Rich Cho and Roy's agent Bob Myers both denied that Roy demanded some kind of move. But they were going to do that no matter what. Regardless, the Frail Blazers are stuck in an ugly situation. Greg Oden has played a total of 82 games since he was drafted back in 2007. They're stuck with Roy's bum knees and increasingly surly attitude.

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Generals-Nyets: Alonzo Gee gathered one foul in 4:49 for a +1 suck differential, while fellow Washingtonian Hamady N'Diaye countered a free throw in 2:49 with two fouls and a giveaway for a 3:1 Voskuhl.

Hawks-Celtics: Jason Collins earned a board and steal in 14:50 as Atlanta's starting center, but fouled twice for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Meanwhile, Von Wafer has become a regular parade piece for a post-game party, fouling once in 2:06 for a +1.

Spurs-Nuggets: Ime Udoka collected fire flowers and gold coins in just 6 seconds to give Gregg Popovich a link to the 8-bit world with a Super Mario!

Worst of the Night: October 28, 2010

Want a picture that tells you everything you need to know aboutthe Washington Wizards Generals? Well, here you go.
The Washington Wizards Generals: I'm not going to sugarcoat this: The Wizards Generals got their asses kicked so hard that Nike could use their butts as shoe molds. I've seen coffee shop floor mats with fewer footprints on them. Based on what I witnessed last night, this Generals squad could give "roll over and die" lessons to Vince Carter...who was in his standard "I'm great in nearly meaningless regular season games against crap teams" mode (18 points, 8-for-12, 5 boards).

Unlike the Celtics, the Magic apparently take lesser teams pretty seriously. To wit: Washington shot 37 percent (compared to Orlando's 55 percent), got outrebounded 53-25 (including 11-3 on the offensive glass) and was outscored 56-28 in the colored rectangle.

The Magic led by as many as 35 points before settling for a 112-83 win. Now imagine how lopsided the final score would have been if Orlando hadn't missed 14 free throws and given up 29 points of 21 turnovers.

Dwight Howard's foul shooting: The line: 9-for-19. Roughly the same number most guys in my pickup league could hit by accident.

John Wall: As Basketbawful reader LotharBot pointed out, Wall had a Calvin Murphy in his debut with 14 points and 9 assists. Sure, a lot of those points and assists were racked up during garbage time, but it's still a decent debut. Right? I mean, check out this killer crossover:


I'll say this much: The kid's a shooter. And by "shooter" I don't mean that Wall provides consistent, high-percentage, long-range jump shooting. I mean he apparently loves shooting the Eddy Curry loves Twinkies. Wall jacked up 11 of his team's first 24 shot attempts. He it three of 'em. Wall -- who, I should remind you, is Washington's starting point guard -- finished 6-for-19 on a night in which none of his teammates attempted more than nine shots.

The best part? Wall's first NBA points came off a goal tend by Brandon Bass.

But hey, I guess that's what happens when rookies are mentored by Gilbert Arenas. Speaking of which...

Gilbert Arenas: After missing most of the past three seasons due to injury and suspension, Mr. "I signed a contract for only $111 million to help my team" Arenas missed the game with strained blah blah blah in his blah blah blah. Does it really matter what's wrong with Gil this time? His contract was a bigger waste of time and money than Eddy Curry's copy of P90X.

Andray Blatche: Last year's late-season fantasy stud was a fantasy turd in his season debut: 6 points on 2-for-9 shooting to go with 2 boards, 2 dimes, a steal, 2 turnovers and 4 fouls. Man, I sure hope nobody around here has Blatche on their fantasy team...

Jason Williams: William's performance last night is forcing me to seriously consider giving out a "Worst Player of the Night" award in these posts. His line: 8 minutes, zero points, zero rebounds, 1 assist, zero steals, zero blocked shots, 3 turnovers, 1 personal foul, 2 technical fouls, 1 automatic ejection.

Of course, he still had a better plus-minus score (-2) than John Wall (-31).

John Wall, quote machine, Part 1: "It was tough. It's really telling me what I need to work on, but I already know."

John Wall, quote machine, Part 2: "But as a team aspect, we have a lot we need to work on."

Marcin Gortat, mildly broken English quote machine: "Honestly, I'm sick of listening every hour about Miami -- Miami that, how great they are, how big they are, what kind of record they gonna have. I get every day interviews back in Poland, people calling me about Miami, Miami, what you think about Miami? What you think about Big Three? I'm going to say the same thing: they are a great team, they have three superstars, they got a couple good role players on the team. They looking good on the paper, but they got to start winning."

Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: "You guys can decide what's a big game and what's not. If they give me two wins for tomorrow night, then it's a big game. I'm not big on the human-interest stories."

The Utah Jazz: Oh dear God. After receiving the scorched earth treatment in their season-opening 110-88 loss to Nuggets in Denver, the Jazz came home and got donkey-punched 110-94 by the Work-in-Progress Suns.

It's enough to make John Stockton's gonads shrivel up in his short-shorts.

The sad part of this loss is that Utah is HUGE compared to Phoenix. Hence the stat-paddery by Paul Milsap (19 points, 13 rebounds) and Al Jefferson (20 points, 9 boards). But the Jazz pulled down only one more total rebound and their Offensive Rebound Percentage (30.4) was barely better than the Suns' (27.9). Shooting 42 percent from the field and 3-for-13 on threes didn't help either.

Oh, and then there was the transition D, which gave up 20 fast break points.


This team definitely hasn't gelled yet. In fact, they're more of a gritty paste.

Deron Williams: Look, I'm a big Deron Williams fan. I really am. But I can't stop myself from reminding everybody that he proclaimed himself the best point guard in the league last season. And we all remember what that did for Stephon Marbury's career, don't we?

Anyway, Williams was crap in Utah's season opener (3-for-10, 6 assists, 4 turnovers, 4 fouls) and he was crappity crap last night: 13 points on 3-for-12 shooting, 6 assists, 3 turnovers, 5 fouls and a plus-minus score of -16. The only Jazz player with a worse plus-minus was freaking Gordon Hayward (-17).

The obvious lesson: Never proclaim yourself the best [whatever] in the league.

Raja Bell: The Jazz signed Bell to (partially) replace Kyle Korver's shooting. Well, that wasn't happening last night, as Bell missed nine of his 12 shot attempts and went 1-for-5 from downtown.

Steve Nash, captain obvious: "Hakim [Warrick] was great on the glass and hustled. He finished and got to the line. He did a lot of little things that matter. But he also scored, and when he can do that, it makes us a better team."

So when a teammate can score, it makes you a better team? It's like Nash just gave my brain an assist. Thanks, Steve!

Steve Nash, the voice of realism: "We haven't got the chemistry yet and there are no shortcuts. It just takes time. You got to find the understanding and be unselfish and conscious of the other players on the team. But there is no easy formula."

In keeping with the recent overreactions to Nash quotes: STEVE NASH SAYS SUNS HAVE NO CHEMISTRY!!!!

Paul Milsap, quote machine, Part 1: "Things are not going our way."

Paul Milsap, quote machine, Part 2: "We've got to continue to stay with it. I mean we've got to continue to get better."

Paul Milsap, quote machine, Part 3: "We got punched in the mouth twice in our first two games."

Lacktion report: Chris had an easy but fulfilling night of lacktion reporting:

Bullets-Magic: Hilton Armstrong makes his first reservation in the lacktion ledger by countering one successful charity stripe shot (and two assists) in 11:14 with 5 fouls and two giveaways for a 7:3 Voskuhl. Hamady N'Diaye armed himself with a pair of fouls in 3:40 for his first ever suck differential, a +2 that also counted as a 2:0 Voskuhl!

Bawful After Dark: October 28, 2010

"Oof. Something stinks in here... probably all of my turnovers"
Do yourself a favor and take a few minutes to read this interview with Bill Walton done by Trey Kirby over at The Basketball Jones. First off, reading anything to yourself in Bill Walton's voice makes your day 800% better. But beyond that, this is a good interview full of the usual Walton style and some good thoughts into the importance of controlling the paint in the NBA.

Also worth reading? This Deadspin piece. To quote the lede: "This is a story about the new NBA Jam for the Nintendo Wii. It is also a story about the 1990s, the NBA's waning cultural cachet, Bryant "Big Country" Reeves, Asian-Jewish relations, Roenick in NHL '94, nostalgia, and God." What more can you want than that? All it's missing is Greg Ostertag.

And a brief moment of analysis. (I'll keep it brief since I suck at analysis.) Marc Stein had an interesting tweet this afternoon: "Was TUE night in BOS bigger deal than we thought for Heat? Research says only three NBA teams in last 20 years won it all after 0-1 start." To be fair, this is a complicated situation. Considering the lack of preparation time the Heat had to get used to a completely new look, I don't think it was reasonable to expect them to come out looking amazing in their very first game. That being said, the kinds of teams that lose on opening night, regardless of talent level and preparation, might be fundamentally lacking something. It might be an obvious missing piece in offense or defense, but it might also be something like a lack of killer instinct. LeBron doesn't have the same desire to go out and just kill his opponent each and every night like some of the greats did. (Jordan would refuse to lose a game like that, for example.) How much of that will carry over into the postseason? I can't foresee it now. But that is something that will stick in the back of my mind.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Steven Tyler may not be experiencing love in elevator, but he is livin' it up while the Celtics are going down

Hey, that pose looks familiar...

Good God! Byron Scott is Spiderman! Well, that explains some things. Or nothing at all. Not sure which yet...

Based on Landry Fields' reaction, I think Demar DeRozan has a taser hidden in his hand

Anyone who want to scare Drew Gooden on Halloween now knows what his biggest fear apparently is: playing defense

Please forgive the Nets if their celebrations seem a little awkward -- they don't have much experience celebrating

Good. Use your aggressive feelings, Cleveland fans. Let the hate flow through you.

Nationally Televised Games:
Wizards at Magic, TNT, 8pm: The Magic have a new arena. On the other hand, the Wizards are missing Gilbert Arenas, one of their main weapons. (Damnit. I just can't help myself. The gun jokes write themselves.) In other news, holy crap John Wall is fun to watch. Trust me on this one.

Suns at Jazz, TNT, 10:30pm: Interesting game. These two teams have some similarities: both are higher-scoring offenses who no longer have their leading scorer from last year, and both teams struggled to put up points in their season openers. Oh, and they also share another similarity: I don't get to watch nearly enough of either of them because they're based out West and their games come on too damn late for me a lot of the time, and there's not enough time in the day to DVR their games and watch later on. Can someone please invent some sort of magic time machine soon plzkthx?

2010-11 NBA Season Preview: Southeast Division

For some reason, this pic makes me think about Dr. Loomis' speech about evil...
The Atlanta Hawks

Holy crappity crap, the Hawks are screwed. Seriously, they are so screwed.

Think about it. The Hawks were a middle of the road defensive team (14th in Defensive Efficiency at 104.0) that somehow managed to be one of the Association's better offensive squads (3rd in Offensive Efficiency at 108.9) despite the fact that most of their sets revolved around isolating Joe Johnson or getting Jamal Crawford open for a jump shot. It helped that the rest of the Hawks selflessly crashed the boards and the team as a whole managed to avoid turning the ball over. Oh, and Atlanta didn't suffer any major injuries.

With all the aforementioned serendipity, the Dirty Birds managed 53 wins, which, in the Leastern Conference, was good enough for the third seed. But in the playoffs, they barely avoided first round elimination against the Bucks before getting absolutely obliterated by the Magic. Allow me to share the scores from that four-game sweep: 114-74, 112-98, 105-75, 98-84. Swept by an average of 24.5 PPG.

Ouchies.

Even at their absolute best with nobody getting hurt and everything going right, the 2009-10 Hawks were nowhere near good enough to compete for a title. Or even a respectable series against a contender.

So what's different about the 2010-11 Hawks? Uhm, they fired coach Mike Woodson and hired Larry Drew to be their new head coach; they signed Joe Johnson to a six-year, $123.7 million deal, otherwise known as "The absolute worst contract handed out during the summer in which Darko 'Manna from Heaven' Milicic got $20 million"; drafted a couple bums; signed Josh Powell to a one-year deal at the vet's minimum; traded Josh Childress to the Suns for a second-round pick; signed Etan Thomas to a one-year deal at the vet's minimum.

In essence, the Hawks didn't get any better while at the same time destroying all future cap flexibility by giving Johnson what will probably be remembered as the most horrific contract of this decade. There's no way the Hawks will win 50 games again -- let's face it, Crawford won't have another career year, Johnson is only going to get worse and the rest of the team just isn't that good -- but they'll probably win 40-45, make the playoffs, and get sent home early and cruelly. Just like last season.


Sorry, Hawks fans.

The Charlotte Bobcats

Over the past several days, there's been a lot of chatter on the Interwebs about whether Michael Jordan could score 100 points in today's game. But here's a better, more relavant question:

Can Jordan's team, the Charlotte Bobcats, score 100 points in today's game?

Last season, the 'Cats ranked 28th in PPG (95.3), 26th in Pace Factor (90.4 possessions per 48 minutes) and 24th in Offensive Efficiency (101.5). Of course, they ranked first in Opponent's PPG (93.8) and Defensive Efficiency (100.2), which just goes to show you that this is a typical Larry Brown team: Slow it down, grind it out, churn out regular season wins, make the playoffs, get eliminated early.

And that's pretty much what happened last season. Brown coaxed 44 wins out of squad with more gaping holes than Anal Bimbos 27: Buttier Than Ever. Against all reason, Larry goaded his team to the franchise's first ever playoff appearance...during which they were mashed to an oozing pulp by the Orlando Magic. Still, it was yet another example of how Brown squeezes every last drop of talent out of his team. Before he quits on them and moves onto the next team, that is.

Still, the Bobcats are a deeply flawed bunch. And in case you're wondering how those flaws were "addressed," I'm about to tell you. Jordan let Raymond Felton walk; pulled Shaun Livingston out of his NBA grave; signed Tirade Thomas to a five-year, $40 million mistake; flipped Tyson Chandler and Alexis Ajinca for Matt Carroll, Eduardo Najera and Erick Dampier's dumpable deal (this wasn't even a salary saver, btw, as the 'Cats merely broke even on the deal, essentially giving Chandler away for nada); signed Dominic McGuire (defense yes, offense no); and signed Kwame Brown, leading to to several days worth of "What the f*** is up with MJ and Kwame Brown?!"

So basically, Charlotte didn't improve at all. Hell, they might have gotten a little worse.

Look, I understand the whole "Defense Wins Championships" concept, and to a large extent, I agree. That said, NBA teams are still expected to score more points than their opponents. Can you see this squad doing that against the top tier teams? Or even the middle tier teams on a consistent basis. Brown can probably cattle prod another 35-40 wins out of this group of castoffs, assuming 1) he maintains his intensity and committment to the team and 2) the players keep drinking his Kool-Aid.

Still, I don't know how the 'Cats are going to get by without a real, honest-to-goodness point guard. Last season, Felton did a decent enough job masquerading as a PG in order to earn a contract. But Livingston of the Living Dead is not an answer to anything other than "What is one of the saddest stories in NBA history?"

The Miami Heat

I'm not going to go on and on about this team. I mean, we're all a little sick of hearing and reading about them already, right?

Here's as brief a summary as I can manage: They're going to be awesome. For the most part, Pat Riley surrounded the Nazgul with enough talent to contend despite cap limitations (something many people thought he couldn't do). Miami is strong on the perimeter but f***ed at center. They won't win 70 games this season, but they're a lock for 60+ wins and a deep playoff run. Not sure they're going to get by Boston or Orlando (or the Lakes if they make it to the Finals) this season, but the Heat are going to win a title some time in the next few years. Just accept that and move on.

The Orlando Magic

The Magic are one of those trick-or-treat "contenders." They're really, really good -- last season they ranked 2nd in both Offensive Efficiency (109.5) and Defensive Efficiency (102.2) -- and yet not quite good enough, you know? I mean, look at their three best players. Unless Hakeem Olajuwon worked some serious voodoo this summer, Dwight Howard's offensive game still isn't polished enough to prevent him from getting shut down by big, talented frontcourts (such as the ones he'll face in Boston and L.A.). Vince Carter is a superstar against lesser teams who's guaranteed to disappear or quit in the playoffs. Ditto for Rashard Lewis, only with 20% more disappearing.

Who's going to step up and lead this team when it really counts? J.J. Redick?

Look, Quentin Richardson gives them more three-point shooting and Chris Duhon will be decent as a backup point guard, but the team lost toughness when Matt Barnes walked and their best three players don't have the skills or mental fortitude necessary to beat out the Celtics, Heat (maybe) or Lakers. And frankly, I only see Carter and Lewis declining, while I'm not sure Howard hasn't maxed out as a basketball player (again, unless The Dream has actually physically possessed him).

Orlando is going to win 55-60 games and flame out in the playoffs. Again. Years from now, we're going to look back on their five-game loss to the Lakers in the NBA Finals and realize that was this team's apex.

The Washington Wizards

Washington messed up, okay? The Wizards settled on a core of Gilbert Arenas, Antawn Jamison and Caron Butler. They gave those guys big contracts and tried to build around them. And that was a real boner.

Still, the Wiz have been trying to fix the problem. Jamison and Butler are now in different zip codes, and Arenas will be gone about 0.1 seconds after some idiot team agrees to take on his cap-gobbling contract. Which, unfortunately for Washington fans, will probably be never.

Oh well. Two out of three ain't bad.

On the bright side, the Wizards got crazy lucky, winning the NBA draft lottery and selecting future superstar John Wall with the number one overall pick. Apparently, that good fortune was too much for Washington's batshit front office to accept, so they tried to negate that dumb luck by trading for Kirk Hinrich.

Don't get me wrong. Captain Kirk is a solid backup PG who provides solid defense, can play three positions and will be an excellent veteran mentor for Wall. But as ESPN's John Hollinger pointed out, based on the workings of this particular deal, the Wizards basically paid $3 million to take on Hinrich's contract, which will cost them $17 million over the next two seasons.

I guess they just love bad contracts in Washington.

Other offseason moves included: Trading for Chairman Yi, letting a trio of vets (Mike Miller, Randy Foye, James Singleton) depart for greener pastures, signing Hilton Armstrong (yawn), signing Josh Howard (whatever) and giving Andray "Shoot It If Ya Got It" Blatch a three-year, $28 million extension.

That's it. That's the state of Washington's rebuilding effort thus far. Sweet Jesus. I haven't seen something this poorly thought out since KISS Meets The Phantom of the Park:


I'm not sure how this ragtag bunch of shothappy bums and fools is going to win more than 25-30 games. Drafting Wall and adding a savvy vet like Hinrich will help, but this team is a flat-out mess. The Wizards are still several years -- at minimum -- from returning to anything remotely resembling respectability. And the artist formerly known as Agent Zero has become a depressing slob with a crummy beard.

Another season of Washing Generals jokes anyone?