Bawful After Dark: December 21, 2010

The realization that his team is godawful was very sudden, and very disturbing for poor Monta Ellis
Here's a must-see from Kelly Dwyer on Ball Don't Lie: how Rajon Rondo and Brandon Jennings are rehabilitating. See? Professional athletes aren't so different from the rest of us! They also sit! They just do it, you know, to play a racing arcade game in their damn house, or watch three TVs at once.

Also, solid piece from the Washington Post on Gilbert Arenas and his tired act.

And quickly, I did receive a quick response from Marc Stein about the Frail Blazers nickname thing I mentioned last night: "Will write that somewhere when opening arises". So there you go. I have no idea if we coined the nickname or not (it's so obvious that I doubt it), but it's certainly been around for awhile.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"I made Gilbert cry! Mission accomplished."

So delightfully awkward

Someone go tell Rambis he isn't at an Atlanta Braves game

Huh. I figured it would take more than one game for Vince Carter to drive Steve Nash to madness

Nationally Televised Games:
Mavericks at Magic, NBA TV, 7pm: Dallas has won its last four games in Orlando, the Magic are in a slump, and they now have Hedo and Gilbert Arenas. I do not feel particularly optimistic about Orlando's chances tonight...

All The Other Games:
Thunder at Bobcraps, 7pm: The Thunder don't want to lose two consecutive games, and they get to face an offense that's nearly as terrible as Milwaukee's. Not to mention the Bobcraps aren't feeling terribly good about themselves. Per Stephen Jackson: "We're just terrible on all cylinders." Well, there's your problem, Captain Jack. You're a basketball team, not a car! Silly Bobcraps...

76ers at Bulls, 8pm: It's official: ESPN.com has referred to the Sixers as "surging." That is, of course, code for "sucking less than usual."

Nyets at Grizzlies, 8pm: The poor Nyets are about to play 10 of 13 on the road. I'm sure this will go well. Don't waste your time watching this game. You'll get a better sports viewing fix by watching the Lorchcast:

I think I've posted this here before, but the Lorchcast is worth another viewing
Warriors at Kings, 10pm: The Purple Paupers -- winners of five (5!) games this season -- are favored 66% to 34% in this game according to AccuScore computer simulations. Ladies and gentlemen, the Golden State Warriors!

Bucks at Lakers, 10:30pm: The Lakers like to beat up on bad teams. The Bucks are missing Brandon Jennings, Carlos Delfino, and Corey Maggette. I fully expect this game to look something like this:

Worst of the Night: The Return

"Apologize? I don't get it. Apologize for what...?"(H/T to plondon for the screen capture)
LeBron James He was booed coming out of the tunnel:


He was booed during introductions (Zydrunas Ilgauskas was greeted with cheers):


Yes, he did his lame-ass pre-game powder routine. And then he went out and pounded his old team like a pile or raw hamburger...making history and setting personal records along the way. Here's some of what ESPN Stats and Information dug up:

In his much-anticipated homecoming, LeBron James scored a season-high 38 points. He made 10 field goals beyond 15 feet, two shy of his career high in a game. Entering play Thursday, James was averaging just 2.8 field goals made per game beyond 15 feet.

The 24 third-quarter points by LeBron James matched his single-game high for points in a quarter and tied a franchise record.

James also did not commit a turnover, the most points he's ever scored in a game without committing a turnover. He’s the second player this season to score at least 38 points without committing a turnover. On Nov. 1, Luol Deng scored 40 against the Trail Blazers without turning the ball over.

From the Elias Sports Bureau: This was only the fourth time in NBA history that a player scored at least 38 points in his first game against a former team. The other players to do that were John Williamson against the Pacers in 1978 (38 points), Danny Ainge against Boston in 1989 (39) and Stephon Marbury against Minnesota in 2000 (39).

More From the Elias Sports Bureau: James shot 15-for-25 from the floor, the seventh game of his career in which he took at least 25 shots from the field and connected on at least 60 percent of them.

Just when Cleveland fans thought LeBron had tormented them in every possible way, 'Bronny Bravo saves his best game of the season and one of the best outside shooting games of his career for his return. In doing so, he created a new category of revenge game: "This is for making me feel like a douche for screwing you over." It's like beating a dog for no reason and then taking it outside to rub its nose in its own feces.

Hell, he couldn't even keep himself from taunting the Cavaliers bench...earning him a nice little "shut the [world Kevin Garnett loves to say] up" from a member of the coaching staff:


To be frank, I hated watching this game. Hated it. To me, it was depressing.

See, LeBron James -- even if you thought he was a douche -- still represented everything people love about sports: The hometown hero playing like a bad motherfucker and transforming a perennial underdog into a championship contending powerhouse. Even if you hated all the fake pre-game picture shows, the in-game dancing, the post-game third-person soliloquies -- and let's face it, we all did -- it was still a great story for a sadsack city that has had very little to cheer for over the years.

True story: My second Mardi Gras back in 2006, I was standing in line somewhere to use the bathroom when the guy in front of me started making small talk. After he told me he was from Cleveland, all I said was: "LeBron James, huh?" And he replied, "Yep. Best thing that ever happened to Cleveland."

That was always the joke, right? But people in Cleveland really believed it. And then , with one ill-conceived Decision, LeBron became everything people hate about sports: The hometown hero turning heel, taking the seemingly easy way out and chasing fortune and glory elsewhere. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Wilt Chamberlain had a pretty nasty divorce in Philly (although at least The Stilt led the Sixers to a title). Of course, King Crab took it to the next (unprecedented) level by announcing his screw job on an hour-long informercial. And still later he made a shoe commercial trying to shame people for hating him for being such a dick.

And you know what made all the booing so depressing? When somebody leaves you -- a girlfriend, a spouse, a sports hero, whatever -- they can leave behind one of two kinds of hate. There's the "I hate you but I'm better off without you" and there's the "I hate you and I will never, ever, in any way be better off without you."

We know which of these hates Clevelanders are feeling, don't we?

Think about it. Luck and lottery balls gave LeBron James to the Cavaliers. When is that going to happen again? When are the Cavs going to win the number one overall draft pick in a year when a "could be the greatest player of all time" talent is available? What are the odds? Pretty freaking long. And that's the way it's going to have to happen, because no amount of money is going to bring a superduperstar to Cleveland. And that has nothing to do with Dan Gilbert's infamous Comic Sans Letter of Doom.

Superstars don't want to play in Cleveland. Nobody really wants to play in Cleveland.

We’ve discussed this here before. It's hard to win a championship. Typically, you need a Top 5 Guy to be The Man, a Top 10 or 15 Guy to be The Sidekick, several efficient roleplayers who don't mind selflessly killing themselves on the boards or on defense or in whatever role they're asked to perform, and a bench that goes at least three or four solid players deep. Oh, and you need good coaching.

Tell me: How in the name of Spider-Man's balls is that EVER going to happen in Cleveland now that LeBron's gone? Let me put it this way: There's a better chance that I'll become Kobe Bryant's biggest fan before the Cavaliers win an NBA title.

So Clevelanders have to endure the harsh but inescapable reality that the best basketball they will ever see has come and gone. They will never see or experience anything like it again. And it didn't just fizzle out with the passing of years. It was cruelly ripped away from them after a couple seasons of being RIGHT THERE.

Isiah's Pistons were RIGHT THERE for a few years but kept getting knocked off by the Celtics and Lakers. They endured and eventually won a couple titles. Jordan's Bulls were RIGHT THERE for a few years but kept getting knocked off by the Pistons. They endured and eventually won six titles. These things are legendary. But being RIGHT THERE wasn't enough for the King of the Nazgul. Why overcome when you can bolt?

The only legend LeBron left behind in Cleveland was a sense of betrayal and hatred unlike anything the league has ever seen. It's a sad saga.

But hey, go Heat, right? They kicked the crap out of a bunch of disparate roleplayers who were assembled for the express purpose of servicing LeBron and all his Royal Whims. Surprise, surprise, they're falling apart without him.

And even now, LeBron won't just say the two little words that could put salve in an ugly, open would. He won't say "I'm sorry." Even if only for how he hurt the city that loved him.

Said LeBron: "I don't want to apologize. I think my intentions were not to hurt anyone. My intentions were solely on kids during that whole process. I always say, decisions I make, I live with them. There's always ways you can correct them or ways you can do them better. At the end of the day, I live with them. I'm satisfied and happy right now."

Trust me, it doesn't come off any better if you hear it spoken out loud. Trust me.


His intentions were solely on kids during that whole process? Was he being serious? What in the Nine Hells does that even mean? Does even LeBron know? And why can't he just own up? Why can't he just say, "I'm sorry, Cleveland. Not for leaving to follow my dreams, but for how I did it, for hurting you?" Would it damage his ego that much to just throw those long-suffering people a bone? It wouldn't erase all the hate and bad feelings, but it might give Clevelanders just enough satisfaction that they could start moving on.

But nope. LeBron doesn't give. He takes. Whatever. I'm over it and him.

The Clevaland Cavaliers: Not for the giant bitch slap they received...but for all the fraternizing, laughing, joking, etc. they did with LeBron at various points throughout the night. I thought something vital in Reggie Miller was going to explode. Yeah, I get they're all still friends with him or whatever, but they kind of owed it to the fans to dis him for at least one night.

Derrick Rose, quote machine: From ESPNChicago via Basketbawful reader Phil:

When asked if he would be watching James' much-anticipated return to Cleveland, Bulls All-Star point guard Derrick Rose responded this way.

"Probably not," Rose said. "I've got my second season of 'Dexter' so I'm good."

The Golden State Warriors: Okay, if you don't already love Steve Nash, here's yet another of the many reasons you should (via Basketbawful reader Business Time):


Not sure there's much to say about this one. Both teams suck on defense and toight the Warriors sucked worse. They let the Suns shoot 55 percent from the field and run out for 24 fast break points. I will say Jason Richardson's 25-point effort (on 10-for-15 shooting) against his old team was totally overshadowed by the Passion of Cleveland. Of course, the circumstances are radically different.

Said Richardson: "I'm used to playing here. The fans, every time I come, it's a standing ovation when they announce my name. They get me up. I played here for six years, and there's familiarity. I had some great times here. It's a great place to play."

I also have to say it cracks me up that Earl freaking Barron is starting ahead of Hedo Turkoglu and Hakim Warrick.

Oh, anyway, back to the Warriors. This little excerpt from the AP recap pretty much sums up the problems this team -- which has lost four straight at home and seven of eight games overall -- are having:

Ellis missed a pair of free throws with 3:16 left, which he said was the turning point of the game.

"If I hit those, we would have been down just one," he said. "We made some mistakes but it was a great game and we gave ourselves a chance to win."

Warriors point guard Stephen Curry missed time in the first half when he was poked in the eye.

"That slowed me down," Curry said. "I was initiating the offense well and getting people involved. It just took me a while to get back."

Notice how both guys -- Golden State's top two players -- identified offensive problems that led to the loss? Memo to the Warriors: When you give up 107 points on 55 percent shooting, your problems are on defense, not offense.

Chris's One-Line lackluster TNT Thursday Lacktion Report: Zydrunas Ilgaukas countered two boards in 16:38 with 3 fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Bawful After Dark: December 2, 2010

Bing: "LA was beaten by this guy? Sad day to be a Lakers fan." -
Murcy: "He looks exactly like a vogon"
So there's your solution on how to beat the Lakers -- Vogon poetry
Running short on time today, folks. Straight to the pics.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:
Happy Lebronukah!!

Wow, Dave Coulier looks like hell

"I'm too sexy for my shirt... too sexy for my shirt..."

(in the voice of Ron Artest impersonating Luis Scola)
"I'm gonna eat some Spanish food!"

Nationally Televised Games:
Heat at Cavaliers, TNT, 8pm: Yep, it's the night we've all been waiting for: Zydrunas Ilgauskas's dramatic return to Cleveland.

Suns at Warriors, TNT, 10:30pm: The under-performing small ball Suns get to play against their evil twin in a battle of jump-shooting and _efense. Yes, every single game between these two teams the last five years has seen both teams score over 100 points. I look forward to seeing a ridiculous 137-133 final score. You know, unless the jump shots aren't falling, because even without _efense, that's what happens sometimes to teams like these. So in that case, we'll only see a 105-101 final score.

Oh, and you just have to love Steve Nash. His tweet from earlier today: "Hey Cleveland! How pumped are you for the Phoenix/Golden State game tonight?"

Worst of the Night: November 30, 2010

Piece of advice: Enjoy Paul Westphal's facepalms while you still can.
The Cleveland Cavaliers: The Cavs were the first team to beat the Celtics this season. And, frankly, it probably had more to do with Boston overlooking a lesser opponent than anything Cleveland did. Still, Byron Scott had his battle plan ready:

The Cavs plan to try and exploit [Shaq] in tonight's game at Quicken Loans Arena.

"One of our reasons we were successful the first time: We got up and down the floor and put Shaq in a lot of pick-and-rolls," Cavs coach Byron Scott said. "That won't change.

"If we do that, our guards will get wide-open shots. (We'll try to spread the floor) as much as possible and move it from one side to the other."

That strategy worked so well that Cleveland's starting guards -- Mo Williams and Anthony Parker -- went 8-for-23 from the field. The Cavaliers shot 39 percent as a team, got outscored 60-26 in the paint, fell behind by 20 and eventually lost 106-87. By the way, those 26 points in the paint were two points away from Cleveland's season-low.

Time for a new battle plan, Byron.

Anyway, whoever wrote the AP recap had a blast with this one. Check out these gems:

"It will be really hostile," said Cavs forward J.J. Hickson, who was held to one point by the Celtics. "It's no secret. He [James] is coming back to where he originally started. It's going to be a great environment. I'd be lying if I said it's a normal game."

And:

When he was replaced with 4:04 left by Von Wafer, Rondo was applauded by everyone on Boston's bench and got a loving slap on the backside as he walked past Rivers.

And even though this line was removed -- probably by some eagle-eyed editor -- Basketbawful reader allison got a screen shot:

Celtics G Delonte West had successful surgery to repair his broken right wrist. Has a team ever reported an unsuccessful surgery?

In related news: No, I did not get a job with the Associated Press.

Byron Scott, quote machine: Regarding Boston's dominance around the basket: "It was like a layup drill."

The Portland Frail Blazers: When the Frail Blazers were beaten by the New Orleans Hornets last Friday, it was their fifth loss in eight games. But the Portland faithful told the naysayers to back up a step and look at the competition in those five losses: The Lakers, Thunder, Hornets, Jazz and Hornets again.

Well, the Blazers have now lost four in a row and seven of their last 10 games. They've fallen to 8-9. And their last two losses have been to the New Jersey Nyets (6-12) and, last night, the Philadelphia 76ers (5-13).

Portland managed only 79 points on 37 percent shooting. During the fourth quarter, they went 4-for-20 and got outscored 22-11. And Brandon Roy played more like the Ghost of Tracy McGrady, finishing with 10 points on 3-for-9 shooting. Roy scored only 2 points in the final 24 minutes.

No word when Greg Oden will be back. Roy's knees will probably never get better.

Poor, poor Portland...the former Team of the Future. Now, when you hold up a Frail Blazers media guide to your ear, all you hear are creaking joints, snapping tendons and the sound of a thousand sad trombones.

Nate McMillan, coach of the year candidate: "You've got to take care of the ball, you've got to defend the ball and you've got to score in this league."

Doug Collins, quote machine: On Andre Iguodala's contributions: "He was our ace of spades tonight even though he did not score that many points."

Ace of spades?

The Detroit Pistons: Since their 90-79 road loss to the Magic wasn't that surprising, I'll let Tayshaun Prince write the epitaph to this loss...which dropped Detroit to 6-10 overall and 2-8 on the road: "We've had some success against them. They always know that when we play them we're ready to play, but in the fourth quarter, they were really ready for us this time."

Charlie Villanueva, delusion machine: "This is a game we could have closed out."

Mickael Pietrus, quote machine: "J.J. [Redick] and I are like brothers, even though I stay under the sun a little more than he does."

Tracy McGrady Watch: 3 points, 1-for-4, 3 rebounds, 2 assists and a game-worst plus-minus score of -16 in 18 minutes. And the following quote, regarding whether he can now understand the injury problems Grant Hill suffered through:

"I still wouldn't understand because he went through like four years," McGrady said, shaking his head. "I couldn't imagine."

McGrady's Games Played
2007-08: 66
2008-09: 35
2009-10: 30
2010-11: ??

The New Jersey Nyets: The game was tied at 65. Devin Harris got hurt. The Knicks ripped off a 14-2 run. Game over.

Screamed New Jersey coach Avery Johnson: "OH MAN, A BIG GAME CHANGER. DEVIN IS A GUY THAT WE RELY ON HEAVILY. IN THE SENSE IT'S KIND OF LIKE IF THEY LOSE STOUDEMIRE. ON A LOT OF NIGHTS DEVIN'S BEEN ONE OF OUR TOP TWO PLAYERS. IT WAS TOUGH TO OVERCOME IT."

So tough, in fact, that the Nyets didn't overcome it.

The game did provide a fun (if defenseless) battle between Brook Lopez (season-high 36 points on 14-for-24 shooting) and Amar''''''e Stoudemire (35 points on 13-for-22 from the field).

The Knicks-Nyets "Rivalry": From the AP recap:

Both will play in New York once the Nets move to Brooklyn in 2012, but for now their rivalry mostly exists off the court. The Nets put a billboard featuring owner Mikhail Prokhorov and part-owner Jay-Z near Madison Square Garden, and the Knicks responded by putting Stoudemire on an ad near the site of the Barclays Center will stand in Brooklyn.

An ad ran during MSG Network's telecast of the Knicks' victory at Detroit on Sunday advertising this game by telling the Nets, "You can walk like us, you can talk like us, but you ain't never gonna be like us."

The Nets fired back in an e-mailed statement from Prokhorov on Tuesday that read: "I don't think we want to be like the Knicks. I think we'd more like to resemble the Lakers."

OH. SNAP.

But both D'Antoni and Johnson dismissed the idea of a rivalry until it involves postseason meetings between the teams.

"You don't really get a rivalry unless you're in the playoffs," D'Antoni said. "It doesn't work during the regular season when you're [saying], 'Oh boy, we knocked them out of ninth place."

D'Antoni's got the right idea. The Knicks haven't had a winning season in a decade. Then again, the Nyets won only 12 games last season...so in comparison New York's standard 30-35 wins would probably feel like when you wash your sheets and then go outside and hang them out, and the sun dries them.

By the way, before everybody gets all excited about New Yorks 10-9 record, I will remind you that 1) this team had a six-game losing streak earlier this season and 2) check out the murderer's row of teams they've beaten during their recent "hot" streak: Kings (4-12), Warriors (8-10), Clippers (3-15), Bobcraps (6-11), Bobcraps (again) Pistons (6-12) and Nyets (6-12). Hey, kudos to them for taking advantage of a soft stretch in the schedule. But the schedule has a way of catching up to teams...

...just sayin'.

The Sacramento Kings: Here's the first line of the AP recap:

Slumped over in his chair, staring aimlessly at the locker room floor Tuesday night, Danny Granger of the Indiana Pacers had little energy thanks to a nagging case of the flu.

Forget that it sounds like the first line of a high school angst poem...Granger was apparently pretty sick. But not too sick to drop a season-high 37 points on 12-for-19 from the field and 10-for-11 from the line.

That's what it's like these days in Sacramento: Feeling bad? The Purple Paupers will make you feel better. Meanwhile, the Kings have dropped five straight and 10 of their last 11.

And check it: Of Sacramento's five starters, only Tyreke Evans reached double figures (16 points on 4-for-14 shooting). That unit's plus-minus scores: Evans (-18), Jason Thompson (-14), Donte Green (-12), Sammy Dalembert (-12) and Luther Head (-11).

Said DeMarcus Cousins: "I'm mad and I'm frustrated about losing. My own opinion is I think different strategies should be used in the game. But I was playing selfish and it [the practice incident] was a good lesson for me. I learned from that."

What practice incident you ask...?

DeMarcus Cousins: Apparently, Cousins is trying to steal the "Big Baby" nickname from Glen Davis. But for all the wrong reasons.

Recently, Cousins got yanked from the starting lineup and fined because of an argument with the team's strength and conditioning coach. Then on Monday, he got booted out of practice by coach Paul Westphal. Reason: Unknown.

Said Westphal: "It was a necessary move in our continued attempt to help him develop. I'm not going to get into details. He was asked to leave early."

Paul Westphal, coach of the year candidate: "DeMarcus isn't the first player who has been dismissed from practice and he won't be the last."

Consider yourselves warned, Kings players.

The Gol_en State Warriors: Seven Spurs players scored between 12 and 27 points. Tim Duncan (18 rebounds, 15 points, 11 assists) had his third career regular season triple double, and his first RSTD since March 14, 2003. San Antonio had 31 assists on 42 made field goals, scored 30 fast break points, converted 16 forced turnovers into 20 more points, and committed only 11 turnovers themselves despite playing a fast-paced game in which they attempted 91 field goals and 31 free throw attempts.

And just like that, the Warriors have lost eight of their last 10 games.

Said David Lee: "When you don't play your best ball against an experienced team like San Antonio, there's a reason their record is the way it is. They don't necessarily do it with all athleticism and power and length. They do it with smarts and they take advantage of any mistake that you make."

And in the Warriors' case, there are lots of mistakes...

The Los Angeles Lakers: According to the AP recap, the defending chumps had "Get back on track" written on the board in their locker room. And that's exactly what they did...if you consider being punked by the Grizzlies -- L.A.'s third loss in a row -- getting back on track. I guess it was like one of those train tracks you find in the movies, you know, the ones that run right to the edge of a steep cliff for no discernable reason.

The Lakers killed it on the boards, outrebounding the Care Bears 42-29 overall and 13-5 on the offensive glass. They were also +9 in made free throws. But L.A.'s shooting -- "led" by Kobe's 9-for-25 night -- was pretty bawful: 43 percent from the field and 31 percent from downtown.

Speaking of Kobe's shooting, here's what ESPN Stats and Information had to say:

The Los Angeles Lakers might have to learn that a little less Kobe Bryant may go a long way this season.

On Tuesday, Bryant scored 29 points but it took him 25 shots to get there in a 98-96 loss to the Memphis Grizzlies. During the Lakers current three-game losing streak, Bryant has attempted at least 20 shots in each game and has averaged 26.3 FGA per game.

This season, the Lakers are 2-3 when Bryant attempts at least 25 shots in a game, compared to 11-2 when he attempts fewer than 25 shots.

Look even deeper and you will see that all five of the Lakers losses have come when Bryant has at least 20 shots. When Bryant attempts fewer than 20 shots, the Lakers are 7-0.

Regarding Kobe's shot-jackery, Phil Jackson said: "I think he felt like he had to carry a little bit of the load. Kobe's going to come out there and attack if no one else is aggressive enough. He's going to test the defense, and the other guys are going to have to step in."

In related news, Mamba is 41-for-97 (42 percent) over his last four games. In fact, he's shooting 42.8 percent on the season. It's the lowest mark since his rookie campaign...when he shot 41.7 percent. What's more, his Effective Field Goal Percentage (46.4) is a career low.

Of course, the real story of this game might be the one shot Kobe didn't take. Specifically, the final shot of the night. Down 98-96 with time running out, the Lakers got lucky when Mike Conley lost the ball in a collision with Pau Gasol. L.A. recovered, but Jackson didn't call time. Kobe brought the ball up, and...

Said Kobe: "I went middle and I had the shot that I wanted, but I lost the handle on the ball while I was going up, so I kicked it to Ron. Ron took a dribble and shot."

Make that: pump fake of nobody, dribble and a shot. When Artest received the ball, he was wide open. Coulda just been a shot. But it wasn't. And that gave Rudy Gay the opportunity to stuff Ron-Ron. Game over.

Said Artest: "It was well-executed. I learned something from that today. That was great execution. His close out was perfect. ... He closed out, chopped his feet a little bit. Stayed low, didn't go totally for the head fake and recovered."

Ironically, this happened one day after the following article was published at SLAM ONLINE:

Trouble began to brew late Friday night in Utah, as Ron Artest dribbled around aimlessly in the fourth quarter before hoisting up an awful shot. Artest again made a few questionable decisions on the offensive end last night, as the Lakers lost in dramatic fashion to the Indiana Pacers at home.

Phil Jackson was unimpressed to say the least, and for the second consecutive game, he pulled Ron-Ron aside to discuss matters. Jackson wouldn’t divulge details of the chat, but Artest was more than happy to share.

Fox Sports has the quotes:

"He told me I should have called timeout when we got the offensive rebound," Artest said. "Kobe wanted the ball. Kobe was going to hit a three. When I saw Kobe, I was going to give it to him. I asked (Jackson), could everybody else on the court call timeout since I had the ball? And he said yes." Artest paused and then smiled. "He forgot to address it with everybody," he said. "But that's OK."

Jackson declined to detail what he said to Artest, preferring to keep it private. Artest said he was comfortable with his role, but noted that his feelings were irrelevant. "I listen and I take in the good, what can help me. But then I've also got to be like I made it this far for a reason," said Artest, whose 3-pointer brought the Lakers within 89-86 and got the crowd on its feet. "How do I not be selfish but at the same time listen? I'm sure he didn't want me to take that last three tonight. It’s all about playing and trying to figure out a way. We’ll be OK."

Last season, Jackson routinely criticized Artest’s decision-making in the triangle offense, and during some heated moments during the Playoffs, he flat-out instructed his team not to pass him the ball.

It's very early in the season, but worth noting that Ron Artest is averaging career lows in both points and minutes.

Anybody hear that? Sounds like somebody just opened a bottle of Crazy Pills.

Meanwhile, Pau Gasol (15 points, 14 boards, 4 assists, 4 blocked shots) had another long night (45 minutes). As AK Dave said in the BAD comments: "That's too many minutes. I think coach 'Jax knows that."

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Celtics-Cavs: Von Wafer has firmly established himself as Boston's best human victory cigar since Brian Scalabrine, tonight bricking once from Euclid Avenue and adding on a foul for a +2 suck differential in 4:04!

For Cleveland, Jawad Williams also earned a +2 via brick and foul, but in 2:46.

Nets-Knicks: Stephen Graham cracked open a care package from Mr. Prokhorov and found 2.95 (2:56) trillion in unwrapped ruble notes!

The Dolan Family's finest provided one turnover for Shawne Williams in 1:37, giving him a +1. Timofey Mozgov made one shot in 8:53 along with a rebound, but also fouled four times and lost the rock once for a 5:3 Voskuhl.

Lakers-Grizzlies: Hasheem The 2nd Overall Dream Thabeet pulled two boards in Memphis's victory over Team Mamba...but in his 9:36, he fouled an Oden-like four times for a 4:2 Voskuhl. Tony Allen added three bricks and a foul in 4:29 for a +4.

Spurs-Warriors: Dan Gadzuric was game enough to go 100% (on one shot) in 6:34, but three fouls and a turnover led to a 4:2 Voskuhl. Jeremy Lin, the man who has been tasked with saving the Warriors franchise all season long, tossed three bricks (twice from the charity stripe), lost the rock once, AND took a rejection for a +5 in 3:34!!!!

2010-11 NBA Season Preview: Pacific Division

Everybody wants a piece of that Lin.Or that kickin' new uni.

Hey readers. AnacondaHL here, standing in to bring you the Pacific division preview. Let's get this started.

The Golden State Warriors

Crap.

The Los Angeles Clippers

Crappy Crap.

The Los Angeles Lakers

Crappier than people will expect.

The Phoenix Suns

Less crappy than people will expect, but nevertheless, crap.

The Sacramento Kings

Crap up in this bitch.



...


...ugh, fine, I'll do this properly.

Let's try this a different way. The NBA preseason has come to a close, and without going into a discussion about how well preseason success correlates to regular season records, (oblig link 1, oblig link 2), let's take a look at how the Pacific did:



Good Lordy. To help me get through this, aside from the multiple Pacificos, I'll be posting Basketball Prospectus' SHOENE projection for each team next to my projection and their standing in the West. Also, don't ask me for the rest of the projections, go spend your $10 on this fantastic read that's well worth it.

The Golden State Warriors

So, due to alphabetic obligations, we unfortunately start with the team with the most questionable SHOENE outlook. Is there a factor in the equation that accounts for an awesome switch back to throwback uniforms?

Well if anything there's some consideration to the coach. With the loss of The winningest coach in NBA history, you'd think the Warriors would be set to repeat or worse their 26-56 2009-10 record. Of course everyone knows that I'm joking, and that Don Nelson leaving is addition via subtraction, and Keith Smart has a chance to prove himself, beyond wacky games with limited rosters.

Throw in the growth of Stephen Curry as a star, and the acquisition of David Lee, the pickup of hard worker Sweet Lou, the room for Reggie Williams and Andris Biedrins to develop (and to hopefully improve his 16.0% FT%), and Monta Ellis ready to chuck it up, and the Warriors could be a surprise team in the West playoffs. And did I mention their pickup of Jeremy Lin? He's Asian! And American! And went to Harvard! Best PR use of an Asian player on an NBA basketball team since not Yi.

Still, I just don't see this squad nearly doubling their win total. David Lee's sieve defense is notorious in the Big Apple, and yet he fits right into their "get the steal or bust" methods. If anything, they've solidified their worst-in-the-league 112.4 points surrendered per game, and may give Toronto a run for their money at worst defensive rating next season.

I'm still jealous of their uniforms though.

SHOENE says: 49-33 (4)
AHL says: 40-42 (12)


The Los Angeles Clippers

Another year looking strong on paper, another year of disappointment. Don't get hyped up on this team as always, they are fighting to stay out of the bottom of the entire West.

Well let's start with the good news. Blake Griffin is looking monsterous. Hulk-esque, if you will. (Bonus YouTube to hype up the 3 Clippers fans).

*Keanu voice* Whoa.
In addition, Eric Gordon's coming off a solid tournament with Team USA. Kaman is Kaman, good for solid numbers. Ryan Gomes was brought in as their utility man. And Baron Davis looks to continue his obligations to this team, while mentoring Eric Bledsoe in the ways of the beard.

And now the bad news, which we all see coming a mile away. Yes, they are the Clippers. Meaning inevitable suck, notable due to inevitable injury. Poor Blake throws himself around the court with reckless disregard, Eric Gordon already seems banged up with a sprained ankle, Baron Davis is Baron Davis (averaging ~63GP per season the past 8 seasons), and Kaman is Kaman (also ~63 GP/season his past 6). That leaves poor Ryan Gomes to hold down the fort with Rasual Butler, Randy Foye, Craig Smith, and DeAndre Jordan. Yea.

Also, Donald Sterling. Still around. Yea. 'Nuff's been said about that.

SHOENE says: 27-55 (15)
AHL says: 24-58 (15)


The Los Angeles Lakers

Our World Champion 5th ringers seem like the team to beat. They dumped Morrison while keeping their championship core, adding PG Steve Blake, SF Matt Barnes, and C Theo Ratliff. They even held onto Mr. Sasha Maria Sharapova.

So why the crappy outlook?

To put it simply: age. Projected team weighted age sits at 30.8, 3rd oldest in the league. Bynum's question marks. Kobe's finger. Artest's crazy. Everything's going downhill with this team. Going from 65 wins in 2008, to an astonishing 57 wins last season thanks to a truckload of Kobe game winners, to what this season?

Well of course the Suns fan in me can't help to expect the best out of the Lakers, and I'd love to chase them out of the postseason in Golden State over Dallas fashion. Additionally, I can see the Lakers doing something amazing for PJax before finally blowing it up. Finally, Kobe seems hungrier than ever for number 6.

But honestly they're going to have to rely on Pau much more (not necessarily a bad thing), and are really one Gasol injury away from dropping to the bottom seeds, hence BP's low outlook on their season. I'm just saying, don't be surprised if they aren't even 2nd seed come April, even in this pathetic division.

SHOENE says: 46-36 (8)
AHL says: 55-27 (1)


The Phoenix Suns

All we needed was to replace Amar''''''e with a solid rebounder who could block some shots and maybe finish at the basket.

Instead we end up with an Atlanta-esque team of SFs. A team of 7 6th men when we needed 3rd-9th.

How did this go so wrong so fast? Was Steve Kerr actually responsible for good decisions, covering for the crapfest Sarver serves? I mean I knew he was bad, but how do you NOT know how to pull off a sign and trade for an actual asset like David Lee, instead of a trade exception I'm sure you're too stupid to know how to use as well?

Anyways, I still think surprising chemistry prevails in this case, as these guys genuinely seem to like each other. Throw in another age defying season by Nash, and the Phoenix medical staff reviving the corpse of Hedo (not to mention Jason Richardson's $14.4 million contract year), and these guys will likely not end up with records as bad as projected. As much as I'd love to see these guys get 50, it seems the West this year will be logjammed at 49-45 wins.

SHOENE says: 37-45 (12)
AHL says: 44-38 (7)


The Sacramento Kings

Rookie 20-5-5.

The steal of the early draft.

The pride of Israeli basketball.

The Super Landry Brothers.

That, uh, bipolarish center guy whose foundation I've actually donated to.

Guys named Beno, Giddens, Pooh, Head, Whiteside, Jason and Mason, Donté (acute accent required!) and Ime Udoka.

Even guys with boring names like Francisco Garcia, Antoine Wright, and Donald Sloan.

And last but not least, but least in some other sense, a gift from the god to our lacktion specialist and Bay Area enthusiast chris, Darnell Lacktion Jackson.

What's not to love about this team? I mean other than a 9th seed upside, multiple character issue risks, and speeding tickets.

SHOENE says: 43-39 (9)
AHL says: 39-43 (13)


Final Verdict for the 2010-11 Pacific Division: Waiting for a bunch of old guys to get injured, funny combinations of names, a couple of first round playoff exits, and Jeremy Lin.


-AnacondaHL

A Brief Links Rundown

While Matt McHale: Technical Writer is being inundated with training at his Clark Kent job, I figured this would be a good time to take a look at current events in the basketball world. (Don't worry -- the Pickup Diaries will resume before you know it)

Before we get started, a brief FYI. Several of you faithful Bawful readers have noted in the comments that a bogus redirect script has been affecting the site. After doing a little research, it appears to be related to the script used for the tag cloud that was on the navigation bar on the right side of the page. Many other bloggers who used that Technorati script are seeing the same issues with certain browsers. One particular release of Firefox seemed to be the most generally affected, and I personally have not been able to replicate the problem. However, I have temporarily removed the script from the site's template HTML, so hopefully the problem will be fixed. If you are still having troubles, let us know so we can look into it further.

Getting on the news...

Update! Warriors purchased. For way, way way too much money.

Update! Do you want to see David Kahn squirm when being pressed by Chris Webber and Matt Winer about throwing so much money at Darko friggin' Milicic? Do you want to see C-Webb get pissed at Kahn for comparing him to Darko? Of course you do. In fact, I'll even embed the video here for your convenience:


We are still countless weeks away from the beginning of the season, and the Warriors' top draft pick Ekpe Udoh has already torn a ligament in his wrist and will miss six months of action. Did anybody inform him that he was drafted by the Warriors and not the Clippers? He wasn't contractually obligated to injure himself like he would have been if Donald Sterling was cutting his paychecks.

Speaking of injured Clippers, Shaun Livingston's back! After destroying his knee in pretty much the worst possible way against the Bobcats in 2007, he has now inked a 2 year, $7 million deal with... the Bobcats. Livingston's agent Henry Thomas commented "yes, how ironic," when this was pointed out to him. Technically that isn't irony; it's just a coincidence. Irony would be getting drafted by the Clippers and staying perfectly healthy and leading the team to a championship. But no matter. It's still nice to see Livinston getting another break after a horrible injury and struggles to regain his form in subsequent years. And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go throw up about eight times after remembering his ligament-ravaging fall.

Oh, and Knee-Mac to the Clippers? Maybe. You can't make this shit up.

In yet another example of NBA teams refusing to learn from history's mistakes, the Nyets have found a new general manager in... Billy King?? Don't they remember how he murdered Philly's 76ers, rolled its body up in a carpet, and tossed it off a bridge? (After that, Philly really could have used Superman -- oh, wait, they got him!. After Superman is done saving Philadelphia, he's trekking over to Detroit to attempt to save it before crippling depression sets in and he decides to just end it all. And I'm only making up part of that sentence.) In any event, there is a nice opportunity here. Not only are we likely to be treated to some comedic mismanagement, but we might even see another example of the team's GM being overruled by its owner. If Mikhail Prokhorov wants to pay eight bajillion rubles for some random scrub in an ill-advised trade, you know Billy King won't be able to say nyet. (Hmm. Maybe they should have gotten Isiah Thomas...)

After all the talks about Kobe Bryant's defensive nemesis Raja Bell coming over to the dark side and joining the Lakers, he's actually now going to the Utah Jazz instead. I feel like re-reading Seven Seconds or Less just to relive Kobe being frustrated by Bell's defense.

(I just realized that after Leandro Barbosa's move, Steve Nash is the only 7SOL era Suns player left. Holy crap, where doe the time go? Meanwhile, the Suns now have... Hedo Turkoglu Turkododo. Sigh. Erm, I mean, ball.)

Yahoo! Sports' Adrian Wojnarowski ran some surprisingly harsh smack on Twitter last night over several tweets:

Just hung up the phone with agent Mark Bartelstein, who's irate over Hornets empty suit Hugh Weber reneging on a contract for Luther Head.

After firing Jeff Bower as GM, Weber is trying the slimy trick of 'failing' a healthy player on a physical to back out of a deal Bower made.

Weber is one more clown act running a team who doesn't know if the ball is stuffed or blown. With Shinn, he undermined Bower at every turn.

Ouch...

Update! I just stumbled on this link: Ron Artest having a "Fuck LeBron" party?

Did you know -- or care -- that the ESPY Awards were held last night? Yeah, neither did pretty much anybody else in the free world. The ESPYs haven't been any fun since this high point some twelve years ago. Anyway, Phil Jackson and Kobe Bryant both won awards. Sigh. However, the one bright spot? "Denver Nuggets coach George Karl received the Jimmy V ESPY for Perseverance. He missed games and practices last season while battling neck and throat cancer. A thinner Karl appeared well, although he didn't come backstage." Crap. Now I actually wish I would have watched a few minutes of the ESPYs now just to see that. Glad to hear George Karl is feeling a bit better.

By the way, hope you're ready for the lockout! Goddamnit.

One last non-NBA item I need to share: holy hell, John Daly is back! I'm sure this won't last, so enjoy it while you can.

Update! Andy Gray just posted this picture on his SI Vault Twitter feed. "Bret Michaels, John Daly, John Daly's son and John Daly's son's middle finger." Enjoy!