Showing posts with label Toronto Raptors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Toronto Raptors. Show all posts

Bawful After Dark: March 7, 2011

20110304-david-luiz-of-chelsea-fc
"You soccer football players sure are good at diving, but have you ever seen me dive while on rollerskates?"

We're getting deeper into the month of March. You know what that means: clanked trey after clanked trey, lots of random pointless passing to kill a 35-second shot clock, and the ever-annoying possession arrow. I live in college basketball country, where few people give a crap about the pros, but I really just don't get it. Yeah, I watch some college basketball. But I always end up feeling frustrated by the poor play, inferior rules, and the fact that there are approximately 18,391 teams that I am supposed to know about come tournament time. Can we please get to the NBA playoffs sometime soon?

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

20110304-christian-eyenga-carmelo-anthony-violet-palmer
Caption This!
What's up with Carmelo Anthony and Violet Palmer? And just what in the hell is Christian Eyenga doing?


20110304-baron-davis-ramon-sessions
"Hey! Cracker Jack guy! Over here!"


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Larry Drew and Birdman Andersen, is there something you need to tell us?


20110305-paul-silas
Oh come on, Silas. Quit trying to blame it on someone else. Everyone knows he who smelled it, dealt it.


20110306-marcin-gortat
Further proof that playing with Vince Carter will give you a headache


20110306-paul-pierce-rajon-rondo-jon-brockman
I'm not sure what's happening here, but it sure looks bawful, and it doesn't surprise me that Jon Brockman is involved


20110306-tony-parker-steve-blake
Uh, Tony, I'm pretty sure "Headbutting" is an offensive foul just like charging


All The Games:
Frail Blazers at Magic, 7pm: Those who had early March on their "when will Dwight Howard get suspended for picking up too many technical fouls" office pools, please collect your winnings.

Clippers at Bobcraps, 7pm: Eric Gordon: Out indefinitely. Clippers' hopes to no longer be who we thought they were: (Still) Out indefinitely.

Jazz at Knicks, 7:30pm: Carmelo: "Man, getting poked in the eye hurts!" Amar'e: "I see what you mean."

Hornets at Bulls, 8pm: So much for that epic Chris Paul/Derrick Rose matchup. By the way, if you haven't read Lee Jenkins' recent SI feature on Derrick Rose, I highly recommend it.

Mavericks at Timberwolves, 8pm: Nobody really cares about who wins or loses this game. We just want to see if Kevin Love can tie Moses Malone's double-double streak. (And I apologize in advance if I just stat cursed the hell out of Kevin Love. I really hope I didn't.)

Thunder at Grizzlies, 8pm: What's more odd: that Zach Randolph has transformed into one of the best power forwards in the NBA, or that we've basically come to accept this as fact and no longer give it much thought? Wasn't Z-Bo headlining our friggin' banner mere months ago?

Rockets at Kings, 10pm: And the sad saga of the Maloofs screwing over Sacramento continues. I'm really, really not looking forward to the Anaheim Kings.

Bawful After Dark: December 1, 2010

Lakers Grizzlies Basketball
That's odd. Doesn't mayo normally go on the inside of the sandwich?

I've heard of moral victories, but this is ridiculous.

However, that's not as ridiculous as this: The Nutcracker in 3D, complete with rat-faced Nazis, plus, according to the article, "singing and dancing. A little kung fu. An electrocuted shark and at least one beheading. And it's in 3D!" Oh, hell yes! (If you were wondering, it has a delightfully appropriate 0% on Rottentomatoes.com right now). Here is Roger Ebert's scathing review, and here is the absolutely insane trailer you must watch:



Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Spurs Warriors Basketball
I love how Richard Jefferson is subtly flexing his muscles to intimidate the friggin' Warriors


Nets Knicks Basketball
What sport are we playing mocking again?


62654005
Grimace face contest!


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Joey Crawford is nonplussed by Gasol-on-Gasol action


Nationally Televised Games:
Frail Blazers at Celtics, NBA TV, 7:30pm: With all the knee, ankle, and leg problems the Blazers have faced, I'm surprised they haven't had to miss a game yet because their team airplane had problems with its landing gear collapsing.

Spurs at Clippers, NBA TV, 10:30pm: No idea why this game made it onto NBA TV, but whatever. The Clippers effort in this game will resemble this video:




All The Other Games:
Grizzlies at Hawks, 7pm: And we come to a letdown game for the Care Bears.

Thunder at Nyets, 7pm: Russell Westbrook is playing some great basketball right now. Even better than Kevin Durant for the moment (though that is likely not going to be the case in the long run, but for this short span of time, absolutely true). So who gets to guard him? Either a playing-injured Devin Harris, or if he gets shut down, Jordan Farmar. Gonna be a long night...

Wizards Generals at Craptors, 7pm: This game will be about as exciting as the car chase scene in Mitchell.



Hot Merging Action!

But, hey, Basketbawful reader The Other Chris will be there! Lucky him:
Tonight's Bawful field trip for yours truly: Craptors vs. Generals. Our first round pick (Ed Davis) said to make his NBA debut after a brief stint in purgatory rehabbing in the D-league. Given the bitch-slapping the Wizards laid on the Mighty Dinos the last time, they should be up for a classic revenge game this time. And if you believe what I wrote in that last sentence, you've clearly never actually watched the Raptors play, because who knows what the hell you're going to get from this team from game-to-game. Beat Orlando on the road, lose to Charlotte at home. Yeah. High.. five?
Don't hang your head too low. You may miss seeing the Craptors mascot rollerblading down a flight of stairs!

Pistons at Heat, 7:30pm: LeBron and the Heat are obviously looking ahead to tomorrow's trip to Cleveland, but honestly, can we even consider this a trap game? I mean, this is Detroit we're talking about here. The only wins the Pissed-Ons have gotten all season? Against the Bobcraps, Warriors, Clippers, Purple Paupers, Generals, and Bucks. That's just sad.

Bobcraps at Hornets, 8pm: Numbers time! The Hornets have been playing well in the first half lately -- 54 points on 53% shooting as a team the last five games. However, the second half has been a struggle. During that same timeframe, they've gone cold as Santa's balls (can you tell I'm already getting ready for Christmas?), shooting a whopping 39% from the field en route to 38 points for the entire second half. So there you go. Four losses in their last five games. How nice of the Bobcraps to come to town so they can turn things around.

Magic at Bulls, 8pm: There's a slight chance Carlos Boozer might actually return to action tonight, but it may be this weekend at least. This team is already performing above my expectations for them -- it'd be great to see them with even more scoring and rebounding presence. That being said, hoo boy. This is going to be a tough, tough game for both teams.

Timberwolves at Mavericks, 8:30pm: Darko may have finally come into his own, but that doesn't change the fact that the Timberwolves are garbage. Dirk Nowitzki's averaged nearly 25 points per game against them over the past dozen meetings between the Timberpups and Mavs, and I don't expect that to change tonight.

Lakers at Rockets, 8:30pm: Bad sign for the Rockets... Here's what coach Rick Adelman had to say about when Yao Ming and Aaron Brooks will return to the lineup: "I've stopped asking. It's just what the doctor sees as they progress...They both have to get on the floor before we'll know how long it will be." And the losing continues. What a shame.

Bucks at Nuggets, 9pm: The Nuggets: still fired up, still putting up points. The Bucks: still banged up, still horrible on offense. Not a terribly compelling matchup here...

Pacers at Jazz, 9pm: The Pacers have already doubled their total of road wins against Western conference teams this year (2) compared to last year (1 for the whole damn season). Progress!

Bawful After Dark: Weekend Watch

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Sweet specs. They look like they're straight from the Herbie Hancock Collection:

(Photo via 30fps)

Not much time to talk today, so I'll share a quick couple of links.

Solid tweet from "Bill Simmons: "Note to ESPN.com: can we add a ".500 Line" graphic to our Heat Index that shows users if they're above or below .500?"

Here's a must-watch video of Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter mocking local news broadcasts. Your favorite team won!


Worst of the Night in Pictures:

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Rondo treats Chris "Charmin" Bosh like super soft toilet paper
(picture via The Basketball Jones, passed along by Wild Yams)


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Really? I guess God had money on the Nuggets last night


20101111-monta-ellis
Stunned


20101111-phil-jackson
You know, Phil Jackson could save a lot of time and energy by not bothering to draw up a play when it's just "have Kobe jack up a contested three"


Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Jazz at Hawks, ESPN, 7pm: Both of these teams seem a bit bipolar. I think it's going to come down to which version of each team shows up at different points in this game, particularly the fourth quarter. You never know when Good Jazz will show up at the same time as Bad Hawks and vice versa.

Frail Blazers at Thunder, ESPN, 9:30pm: By the time this game is done, the Blazers might be running short on players thanks to knee injuries. I keep waiting for random assistant coaches to tear ACLs or dislocate patellas just sitting on the bench.

All The Other Friday Games:
Rockets at Pacers, 7pm: Two things. First, I'd just like to quote the opening of the STATS LLC game preview: "Just days ago, the Houston Rockets discussed the idea of increasing Yao Ming's minutes. That plan has hit a definite snag." Second, if the Pacers shoot over 60% from the field again in this game, I will probably need one of you to drive me to the hospital because my brain will explode trying to comprehend that reality.

Craptors at Magic, 7pm: I can't wait for Bawful to post the Raptors Mascot Fail video again Mondy morning.

Bobcraps at Wizards Generals, 7pm: BawfulFest 2010 continues! This is like the greatest worst week ever, isn't it?

Bricks at Timberwolves, 8pm: This only reaffirms my point. Darko + David Kahn = entertainment!

76ers at Mavericks, 8:30pm: Quick math lesson for the day: Mavericks' great defense + Sixers awful awful offense = high comedy. Woo.

Kings at Suns, 9pm: So let me get this straight. The Purple Paupers couldn't stop Beasley and the Timberwolves? What are they supposed to do against the Suns? I'm kinda-sorta intrigued.

Pistons at Clippers, 10:30pm: If you need any help getting to sleep, just put the TV on this game, kick back, and snore. This game will be even uglier than Morehead State women's basketball team coach Tom Hodges' suit. (h/t Jimmy Traina)

* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Warriors at Bucks, NBA TV, 8:30pm: The Warriors were sold Friday for $450 million. I know, I don't understand it either.

All The Other Saturday Games:
Magic at Nyets, 7pm: Two words: Beat. Down.

Jazz at Bobcraps, 7pm: At what point does Jordan say "fuck it, I'm suiting up again!" just to keep the Bobcraps from being not only awful, but boring?

Pacers at Cavaliers, 7:30pm: I know it's early, but prepare to have your world rocked: as of Friday morning, the Pacers are only half a game out of the Central division lead.

Craptors at Heat, 7:30pm: I can't wait for Bawful to post the Raptors Mascot Fail video TWICE on Monday morning!

Frail Blazers at Hornets, 8pm: So when do we start hearing crap about the Hornets going for 72 wins? Meanwhile, The Onion delivers again. (h/t Basketbawful reader JJ)

Wizards Generals at Bulls, 8pm: The Generals are on the second night of a back-to-back, but if they play the Bobcraps on that first night, does it really count?

Celtics at Grizzlies, 8pm: This stinks of trap game to me for some reason...

76ers at Spurs, 8:30pm: Hey, did you know that "basketball is a game of mistakes?" That quote is going to haunt Doug Collins for awhile, just like Doug Collins' crappy coaching is going to haunt the Seventy Suxorz for awhile.

* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Rockets at Bricks, 7:30pm: The Bricks as a team are 9th overall in rebounding, in spite of having Amar''''e Stoudemire on their roster. I am confused and frightened. Hold me.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Timberwolves at Hawks, 2pm: I feel like we need a camera focused on Darko Milicic at all times just so we can truly appreciate how horrific he is. Would anyone else watch that?

Pistons at Kings, 6pm: One of the worst offenses in the NBA goes head-to-head with one of the worst defenses in the NBA. I can't wait for all the sloppy ball movement and ridiculous bad jumpers that are completely uncontested.

Spurs at Thunder, 7pm: The Thunder are averaging an anemic 15 assists per game as a team. How is it this team can be over .500 and yet be so disappointing?

Suns at Lakers, 9:30pm: Some good news to report: Steve Nash's son Matteo was born this weekend. Congrats.

Bawful After Dark: November 10, 2010

Nuggets Pacers Basketball
Yes another angle of this picture was in the WOTN, but damnit, it deserves to be seen again

After last night's absolutely unbelievable display of bawfulness, tonight feels like it should be a letdown night. But don't worry -- just look at the schedule! Terrible basketball will happen tonight, folks.

Just for the record, I already hate the Pacers since they essentially are the reason Louisville doesn't have a professional basketball team anymore. But also I'm going up against Chris in the Bawful Fantasy League this week, and he had two Pacers on his team. So yeah, I'm pretty much screwed this week. I know nobody cares about anybody else's fantasy team, but Chris demanded I mention this, so there you go.

Here's some news on Brandon Roy's gimpy knees, which apparently are getting worse and worse. The Frail Blazers legacy continues, sadly. Are we sure Brandon Roy isn't Greg Oden's long lost son?

SI's Jimmy Traina did a nice interview with Shaq (since, you know, it's not like Shaq has anything better to do right now). Among other things, we find out that one of his favorite movies is Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood and one of his favorite TV shows is In Living Color. Okay, so that's pretty cool. Respect to anyone who likes stuff from back when the Wayans Brothers were actually funny. Speaking of In Living Color, want to see Isiah Thomas and Patrick Ewing show up in a skit? Watch this.

BAM!!

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Nuggets Pacers Basketball
Photographic evidence of Enver Nuggets _efense in action


20101109-vinny-del-negro
Theoretically this was taken last night, but this could be a stock Clippers picture for all I know


Jazz Heat Basketball
"Do I still have any broccoli in my teeth?"


Clippers Hornets Basketball
Kinda glad we can't see what Chris Paul is doing back there...


Pistons Trail Blazers basketball
The Pissed Ons continue to make Detroit even more depressing than it already was


20101109-mike-dantoni
Mike D'Antoni doing what he does best


62395804
GASOL OVERLOAD


Cavaliers Nets Basketball
Poor, poor New Jersey

Nationally Televised Games:
Jazz at Magic, ESPN, 7pm: Just a stab in the dark here, but I don't think Paul Millsap is going to go into Beast Mode again tonight.

Clippers at Spurs, ESPN, 9:30pm: Another case of the Clippers being on national television for reasons I cannot begin to comprehend.

All The Other Games:
Bucks at Hawks, 7pm: So much for the 6 game winning streak to start the year. The Hawks are now 6-2, but chin up! The only fearing of deer that will be done this season is fearing they might jump in front of your car while driving at night. (You don't want to know about my story about that...)

Rockets at Wizards Generals, 7pm: To quote Silvio from the WOTN comments, "Tonight Rockets (1-5) at Generals (1-4). And that's even not the bawfulest game of the night..."

Bobcraps at Craptors, 7pm: THIS is the game we are annointing "BawulFest." Ughhhhh. I'm just going to let Homer Simpson do the talking for me on this one: "I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"

Also, to finish quoting Silvio's epic rant, "Things like that makes me mad. I mean, there's so much teams that have potential to mimic Nyets 10-72 season (if not "better" it with single digits win), but they're not allowed to fulfill their potential. Why? Because those crappy crap teams play each other night after night after night. Look at Cavs - 3 games winning streak as schedule gave them Sixers, Generals and Nyets. And tonight they get ... Nyets again. Not fair. Not fair that one team is going to get W. Clippers. After Spurs tonight, Clippers host Pissed-Ond and Nyets, travel to Timberpoops and Pacers, then play Knicks at home. They're bound to take some win(s) out of that soft schedule. Yes, even them. There should be some rule like: if both teams play bawful game - neither gets win. Or, winner gets only 1/2 of win. Or something, this way NBA administration is denying those crappy teams their right to have single digits wins season."

Nyets at Cavaliers, 7:30pm: Because, hey, if you didn't get your fill of bad basketball between these two teams last night, you get to do it all over again tonight! The NBA: Where Groundhog Day Without Bill Murray's Charm Happens.

Warriors at Knicks, 7:30pm: OMG this is David Lee's first game in New York since being traded!! Too bad nobody really cares.

76ers at Thunder, 8pm: Hey everyone, remember when the Thunder were good? What happened? Lucky for them the Seventy Suxorz are in town!

Mavericks at Grizzlies, 8pm: Okay, yes, the Mavs lost to the Grizzlies a couple weeks ago. But Dirk cut his hair! There's no way they can lose now!

Timberwolves at Kings, 10pm: Continuing our Darko Watch, he is averaging 4.4 ppg on 28% shooting this year, hitting only 53.8% of his free throws. He's averaging 1.1 assists to 2.13 turnovers and only 5 boards (even though he's 7'0").

Worst of the Night: November 9, 2010

jordan bench
You ready to back off your bold prediction yet, MJ?

The Charlotte Bobcats: Let's open this baby up with a quote from Bobcats majority owner and NBA legend Michael Jordan:

And while the Bobcats' cap issues gave them no chance at the LeBron James-led free-agent class this summer, he insists the Bobcats, led by Gerald Wallace and Stephen Jackson, are better than last season's 44-38 team that was swept by Orlando in the first round.

"I think we're going to be a better off team than we were last year," Jordan said. "We're together, we're coming off some success from last year. Granted, Raymond's not here. But when you think about, Tyson came off the bench.

"At the minimum, we should make the playoffs."

I bet MJ would like to take a mulligan on that one right about now.

Good news for the Bobcats: They didn't wait until they were down 15-20 points before starting to play last night! The bad news: It didn't matter. They lost anyway...falling to 1-6 on the season.
The 'Cats shot like they were playing with KFC buckets on their heads -- 39 percent as a team -- with a very special (in the short bus way) thanks to Stephen Jackson (4-for-13), D.J. Augustin (3-for-15, 1-for-7 on threes) and Gerald Wallace (2-for-11).

Still, the real stake in Charlotte's shriveling heart was the failure to put any hands in the general viscinity of rookie Gary Neal's face. Neal went gonzo from beyond the arc, drilling 5 treys.

That said, the Bobcats had their chances. They were down 93-91 with 26.8 seconds left but chose defense over the intentional foul. Unfortunately, they let Manu Ginobili swoop in for a game-breaking layup with 4.9 seconds to go.

Said Bat-Manu: "The goal was to eat all the clock possible, but at the same time you don't want to take a really bad shot. It was a miscommunication between Boris [Diaw] and [Tyrus] Thomas and one left. I had a pretty good look."

As someone who has followed the careers of both Diaw and Thomas, all I can do is nod emphatically at the "miscommunication" part.

Anyway, said Charlotte coach Larry Brown: "D.J., Jack and Gerald going 9 of 39, I don't care who you're playing and you're going to have a tough time. To be in the game with us shooting it that way and turning it over again, like we do, it's a miracle we had a chance."

Chalk one up in the "Near Miracle Victory" column, Larry.

Stephen Jackson, turnover machine: S-Jax had 6 of Charlotte's 14 turnovers. But "shame" -- like most other words -- is not in his vocabulary: "Some nights I may have six turnovers, some nights I may have none." Wow. He's like a fortune cookie. Scatch that. A misfortune cookie.

The Atlanta Hawks: I hope the Dirty Birds enjoyed that 6-0 start and all those "Don't forget about the Hawks!" stories that were so popular for a week or so. You'd think people would have wised up to Atlanta's act by now. They usually pound lousy teams during soft stretches, maybe win a close game or two against a legit opponents. But in the final analysis, they are -- at best -- a second tier team.

To wit: After opening the season with six straight wins over "meh" teams, they've now lost two in a row against decent ones. Go figure.

I'll give the Hawks this much, though. They made the Magic work for it. Atlanta held Orlando to 43 percent shooting -- including 4-for-22 on threes -- and won the rebounding battle 48-43. But the Magic go a big night out of Pumaman (27 points, 11 rebounds) and...Vince Carter? Yes, Vince Carter, who finished with 19 points on 8-for-12 shooting and scored 5 crucial points in the final 1:12.

That's right: The Hawks were out-clutched by Vince Carter.

And you know how Vag, er, Vince did it? Two layups, the second of which was an "And 1!" after which he actually roared and flexed to the crowd, Hulk Hogan style.

Said Carter: "It never gets old. Believe me."

Yeah. Unless you're the Hawks.

Hawks coach Larry Drew, quote machine: "As I told our guys, 'Let's not look at this loss as a moral victory.' We've always felt in our hearts all along that we were capable of playing against any team."

Playing against any team? Yes. Winning against any team? Eh, not so much.

Bonus stat: The Hawks gave up 22 points off 17 turnovers...and lost by 4. Just sayin'.

The Toronto Raptors: How does a team like the Golden State Warriors win on the road despite giving up 22 fast break points and a whopping 32 points off 21 turnovers?

By playing the Craptors, of course. Now 1-6!

Stephen Curry, playing on a semi-bum ankle, scored a season-high 34 points on 12-for-21 shooting (including 2-for-4 on threes and 8-for-8 at the line). Moped Ellis added 28 points on 10-for-17 shooting before a bad fall waylaid him in the fourth quarter. The Warriors -- now 5-2! -- also got a double-double out of David Lee (14 points, 12 rebounds) in addition to shooting 52 percnt as a team and winning the rebounding battle 42-32.

Credit the Dinos for coming back from 20 points down to make a game of this one. But that's like sticking your genitals in a grizzly's mouth and then hoping to yank them out before they become bear kibble.

Said Linas Kleiza: "We just make the game hard on ourselves."

Actually, you can probably blame the front office for that, Linas. I'm pretty sure they're the ones responsible for sending you to war with a starting lineup of you, Reggie Evans, Andrea Bargnani, Jarrett Jack and DeMar DeRozan. Admittedly, that group would make a terrific second unit on a real basketball team.

raptors mascot
"Do you guys need a new mascot?
Please tell me you need a mascot."

The Boston Celtics: Back-to-back road games in Oklahoma City and Dallas would be a tall order for any team. Still, the Celtics handed the Thunder a choice cut of ass on Monday night and looked ready to dispatch the Mavs last night after Paul Pierce knocked down a 17-footer to give Boston an 87-82 lead with 1:58 left.

BUT...the C's went scoreless over the final two-ish minutes while the Mavs netted seven points off a layup by Dirk Nowitzki, a triple by Jason Terry and what turned out to be the game-winning 16-footer by Nowitzki with 17.4 ticks on the clock.

Know who Dirk was shooting over? Big Baby. Who's, what, half a foot shorter?

Said Nowitzki: "I knew Kidd was going to find me and then Davis was there. I was able to face him up and knock the shot down."

Oh, but it gets better. Boston's final possession consisted of a three-pointer by Rajon Rondo with 3.8 seconds left and then (after a Terry foul) a desperation triple attempt by Kevin Garnett as time expired.

Really, Celtics? Threes by Rondo and Garnett? Those're the best shots you could get?

Doc Rivers -- who called that sequence "a terrible play" -- said: "I hope I can draw up a better play than that."

Ya think?

Jermaine O'Neal: We call him "The Drain" for a reason. O'Neal played only 11 minutes -- including zero in the second half -- because of a sore left knee that left him with "no explosion." Oh, and Jermaine benched himself for the final two quarters, figuring the Celtics would be better off with him on the bench.

Which might be the case. But if you're wondering by Big Baby was defending Dirk on the game-winner, this is why. Boy, it sure is a good thing the Celtics went out and got two injury-prone O'Neals last summer. Eight games into the season and they're both out already.

Dirk Nowitzki's new haircut: Well, Dirk cut his flowing locks. Now he's gone from looking like a WNBA player to looking like...Sloth from The Goonies?! That's what Dan Marino -- not the football player, but a Basketbawful fan from Belgium -- thinks.

dirk sloth
"Sloth love Chunk!"

The Phoenix Suns: Their two oldest players -- Steve Nash (16 points, 6-for-11, 11 assists) and Grant Hill (19 points, 12 rebounds -- were their best players. Robin Lopez went 1-for-4 and pulled down only 2 rebounds in 14 minutes. Hedo Turkoglu is starting. Channing Frye -- who got a $30 million contract from the Suns this summer -- went 1-for-7 off the bench.

Anybody else see any problems here?

And how about this: Zach Randolph returned from the dead to scored 23 points and gobble up 20 rebounds...including an absurd 8 offensive boards.

Oh, and then there were the turnovers: 23 of 'em, for 31 points going the other way. Hill and Nash combined for 9 TOs.

It's amazing the Suns didn't lose by 20.

Said Phoenix coach Alvin Gentry: "That's [23] chances we don't get to shoot the basketball. If we are managing our turnovers, and we've got 10 or 12 turnovers, that's 10 more possessions that we can shoot it at the basket. Make five of them, and it's a different story. We've just got to do a better job in that department."

The Denver Nuggets: The Nuggets wasted some good defense (holdin the Bulls to 41 percent shooting) and a season-best 32-point from Carmelo Anthony by giving the Bulls 24 bonus points off 18 turnovers. They also kept shooting directly into their defenders hands, as Chicago had 12 blocked shots, including 9 combined from Taj Gibson (5) and Joakim Noah (4).

Also, anybody else notice the Nuggets are starting Shelden Williams? Eek.

As an aside, Gibson's sweet game -- 16 points (7-for-12), 6 boards, 5 blocks, 3 assists and a steal -- reminded me of some of the crap I got after dubbing him a potential All-Star in my Central Division preview. In fact, here's what AnacondaHL had to say:

Haha, I just noticed something from this post (emphasis mine):

"a couple of possible future All-Stars (Joakim Noah and Taj Gibson),"

Wait, what? Since when is someone projected to be the next Dan Gadzuric a possible future All-Star?
Well, check it, peeps: Six games into his second season, Taj is averaging 15.2 PPG, 6.2 RPG, 1.7 APG and 1.7 BPG while shooting a redonkulous 63 percent from the field. That puts him at 4th in the league in FGP. His Offensive Rating is 115 and his Player Efficiency Rating is 19.1, which, according to John Hollinger's reference guide, is pretty close to borderline All-Star territory.

As always, I'm just sayin'.

(Of course, when Boozer returns from his broken hand, Gibson will head back to the bench, his numbers will fall, and blah blah blah.)

acrobats
You know what? Don't ask. Just...don't ask.

Erik Spoelstra, quote machine: This is a belated entry submitted by Basketbawful reader clair. Regarding their game against the Nyets, Spoelstra said: "[Saturday] was about a nameless, faceless opponent. We needed to really come back and establish our toughness, our disposition defensively and the guys really took that to heart and I was glad that they were having fun out there."

As clair put it: "Nameless AND faceless. Ouch!"

Chris's brief lacktion report: Alonzo Gee grabbed a Legend of Zelda cartridge in just 3 seconds for a Super Mario! For Charlotte, Sherron Collins heaved a brick from Tryon Street in 3:33 for a +1 suck differential.

Bawful After Dark: November 1, 2010

Dwyane Wade's Halloween costume... Yeah...

Sorry to have to cut this one a little short. Schedule didn't go quite as planned today, so I wasn't really able to include anything that wasn't written last night.

Well, except for one thing. Footbawful news of the day: The Vikings have waived Randy Moss. Aside from this being absolutely hilarious in and of itself, here's a fantastic tweet from NotJayCutler about it: "Irony: Randy Moss getting cut before Tom Brady's hair."

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:
20100329-shaq-amare
No caption really necessary here. Everything about this photo is amazing


20101031-mario
Mario West may not be currently on an NBA team, but at least we have another Mario


20101030-bango
Even when receiving NBA Mascot of the Year award, Bango looks depressed. Come on, Bango. I've been to Wisconsin. It's not that bad.


20101029-vinny-del-negro
Vinny Del Negro and the Clippers... Yeah, I can see it being a good fit


20101029-vinny-del-negro-facepalm
See what I mean?


20101029-john-kuester-facepalm
Our first John Kuester facepalm this season -- the Pistons season has officially begun


20101029-raptors-dance
...Okay then.


20101029-prokhorov
The Prokhorov dishing out an awkward high five? Oh hell yes.


Nationally Televised Games:
Trail Blazers at Bulls, 8pm: With three wins to start the season, Portland is off to their best start in a decade. Part of the Blazers' success so far this year the Blazers have rebounded well, with LaMarcus Aldridge averaging 9.7 boards. This is spite of missing big men Joel Przbilla (right knee) and Greg Oden (left knee). Did they combine the two healthy knees from their injured big men and give them to Aldridge to create a Frankensteined super player?

All The Other Games:
Craptors at Kings, 10pm: Anyone else excited to see DeMarcus Cousins' home debut? Meanwhile, I still can't get a feel for how good this Toronto team is this year. (It's somewhere between "godawful" and "surprisingly mediocre.") Perhaps we should consult our new Craptors correspondent The Philosoraptor for his insight?

Philosoraptor
Um, okay. Thank you for the thoughtful analysis that had nothing whatsoever to do with this game, Philosoraptor.

Spurs at Clippers, 10:30pm There are, however, no doubts that the Clippers are who we thought they were. Well, for now at least. They might be able to get as far as "bad, but not embarrassingly so" thanks to Blake Griffin being, you know, really friggin' good.

Well, on second thought, they're still super Clippery, and now have the NBA's worst shooting percentage at an unfathomably bad 37.7% after three games. (Yes, I totally have the old NBA Jam announcer's voice in my head right now saying "Puts up a brick!") Considering the Spurs have won 24 of the last 25 meetings with the Clippers, I don't hold high hopes for The Other LA Team getting anything going soon.

2010-11 NBA Season Preview: Atlantic Division

shaq

The Boston Celtics

Last season, Boston's two biggest problems were age and injuries. Their offseason response was to get older and more injury prone with the acquisitions of Shaq and Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal. Remember: The 2009-10 Celtics were only a few baskets away from winning Game 7 of the NBA Finals on the road against a pretty good Lakers team. So how seriously should we take the 2010-11 Celtics? Let me put it this way: Even die-hard Boston fans have to answer that question by saying, "If Shaq and/or Jermaine O'Neal can just..."

That's right. All it's going to take is for Shaq and The Drain the make an actual, basketball-related impact on their new team. Mind you, this is something they've utterly failed to do in each of the last couple stops of the NBA careers. Shaq sunk the Seven Seconds or Less Era in Phoenix before helping Cleveland lose LeBron James forever.

As for The Drain, he got passed around like a hot potato after the Pacers finally suckered somebody into taking his giant contract off their bloodstained hands, and he was declared legally deceased during Miami's one-round playoff run last season. Mind you, it was the Celtics are the team who eliminated the Heat, so they got to watch his playoff implosion up close. How bad was he? Well, he went 9-for-44 from the field, his PER was 2.5 and he finished the series with an Offensive Rating of 57. Oh, and in Miami's elimination game, he grabbed only two defensive rebounds.

But you know what? I don't see those shambling mounds as Boston's biggest problems. As a Celtics fan, I'm much more worried about the fact that Rajon Rondo still can't hit jump shots with consistency or knock down clutch free throws. Those two factors may very well have cost the Celts the 2010 NBA title. Speaking of things that may have cost Boston the title, how about Ray Allen's playoff shooting slump? Look, shooters slump, I get that. But Allen's have been getting worse, lasting longer and are becoming more critical because they're happening during the playoffs. Are these things going to get better by tacking on another year and more miles to his odometer? On top of those factors, now that Tony Allen is marinating in the Grizzlies locker room, who's going to hound the Kobes and LeBrons of the world?

And let's not forget the C's lost their defensive guru, Tom Thibodeau, to the Chicago Bulls.

Look, the Celtics are going to win their division. Mostly because the other teams in the Atlantic are the crappiest of the crappy crap (see below). And they'll definitely be dangerous come playoff time, assuming everybody remains relatively healthy. But the 2010 Finals proved that championships are won and lost by the slimmest of margins. The Celtics just have too many question marks and what ifs.

The New Jersey Nyets

Last season, the Nyets managed only 12 wins and needed a late-season run -- if you can consider five wins in their last 12 games a "run" -- to avoid becoming the worst team (in terms of wins and losses) in NBA history. Still, as horrific as the season was -- poor Brook Lopez has permanent handprints on his face from all the facepalming he did last year -- all the losing was supposed to have a happy ending. After all, New Jersey had stockpiled cap space for the summer's free agent bonanza and their record practically made them a mortal lock for the number one overall draft pick. If they could just win the draft lottery and select John Wall...

...only they didn't win the draft lottery. They got the third pick, which they used to select Derrick Favors, a kid with decent long-term potential but little chance of making an impact this season. Other key acquisitions include Travis Outlaw, Anthony Morrow, Troy Murphy, Quinton Ross, Jordan Farmar, Stephen Graham, Joe Smith's corpse and Johan Petro (for $10 million over three years...WTF?!).

I'm have absolutely no idea what kind of Frankenstein's monster new GM Billy King (a.k.a. the guy who once destroyed the Philadelphia 76ers) expects new coach Avery Johnson to build out of this freaky warehouse of scrap parts. But I can't wait to find out.

But you know what the best part is? After last year's near-record setting failfest, there's virtually no way the Nyets can't improve this season. Even a conservative estimate of, say, 24 wins would be an enormous improvement. So expect better days in New Jersey. Relatively speaking.

The New York Knicks

During the offseason, the Bricks spent $100 million on Amar''''''e Stoudemire. Which would be fine if Amar''''''e wasn't a total fraud.

Okay, okay. That's not fair. Stoudemire isn't a total fraud. The guy is a stud on offense, ranking 5th in free throw attempts (632), 7th in field goal percentage (.557) and 10th in points per game (23.1). However, most of those sparkling stats came at the end of an assist from Steve Nash. In Phoenix, Amar''''''e lived off the variety of dunks, layups and pick-and-pops that Nash created. Conversely, Stoudemire was at his absolute worst when trying to create offense on his own. Unless he could simply blow by his man and not encounter any help defense at the rim, the dude looked like a baby deer trying to run on ice skates. STAT isn't a creator, he's a finisher. What's he going to finish in New York? Other than the hopes and dreams of Knicks fans everywhere. Assuming those suckers have any hopes and dreams left.

Stoudemire cowers from defensive rebounds the way Ron Artest shrinks away from giant snake eggs. And his answer to "defense" is to either leap out of the way matador style or reach in with the awkward clumsiness of a teenage boy groping his first real breast, which is why he ranked 5th in personal fouls last season (281).

The point is: If Amar''''''e is the foundation of your team -- the unquestioned heart and soul -- then your team is officially f***ed. I fully expect Stoudemire to become this season's premier 20-10-50 guy.

Knicks hopefuls might want to point out that Donnie Walsh flipped David "All O, No D" Lee for Anthony Randolph, Ronny Turiaf and Kelenna Azubuike. I would remind those people that the team's starting point guard is Raymond Felton (a poor pick-and-roll player) and the team doesn't have much in the way of consistent, high-percentage three-point shooting. These things do not play to Stoudemire's strengths.

In other words: Expect New York's playoff drought to continue.

The Philadelphia 76ers

Year Two of The Elton Brand Era saw the Sixers win only 27 games and finish tied for the third-worst record in the Eastern Conference. According to the Pythagorean Wins calculated by Basketball-Reference.com, Philly was better than only the following teams: New Jersey, Minnesota, The Other L.A. Team, Detroit and Washington. That's a real rogue's gallery of suck, right there.

During 2009-10, the Sixers should have worn masks with question marks on them, because the team had no identity whatsoever. I mean, they were supposed to be a running team yet finished the season ranked 22nd in Pace and 23rd in PPG. Furthermore, they ranked 22nd in three-point percentage (.343) and their inside game was anchored by Elton Brand, who was granted Living Statue status by the world's leading statueologists. Basically, there really wasn't much of anything this team did particularly well. Other than lose, that is.

Now ask yourself this: Has anything of major significance changed from last season to this season? Flipping Sammy Dalembert for Andres Nocioni and Spencer Hawes makes the team...whiter...I guess. Number two overall pick Evan Turner was a summer league disappointment. And as for new coach Doug Collins, well, did you see his last two seasons as a head coach in Washington? He lost the trust of every player on that team not named Michael Jordan, and that was only because he was Jordan's Yes Man.

Which is why the quarterback battle between Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick is the only real ray of hope Philadelphia fans have right now.

Sorry, Philadelphia fans.

The Toronto Raptors

Last season, Chris Bosh ranked 6th in the league in rebounds per game (10.8), 7th in free throw attempts (590) and 9th in points per game (24.0). He was also 4th in Player Efficiency Rating (25.0), trailing only LeBron James (31.1), Dwyane Wade (28.0) and Kevin Durant (26.2). Of course, Bosh put together what was probably his best statistical season during a contract year while playing for a Raptors team that failed to make the playoffs. But those are just facts, so feel free to discard them.

(Reality check: Bosh ranked 7th in the league with 7.9 Offensive Win Shares, yet ranked only 19th overall with 9.6 Win Shares. For those of you who enjoy simple math, that means Bosh had only 1.7 Defensive Win Shares during his best statistical season. How is that possible? I'm sure it had nothing whatsoever to do with him gunning it on offense to improve his free agent standing.)
Anyway, even though Bosh was lighting it up -- at the offensive end, anyway -- the Raptors still floundered down the stretch and missed the postseason (thanks largely to an injury to Bosh). When Bosh decided to take his talents to South Beach, it was done to a massive chorus of "Good riddance!!" from Canadians everywhere. And yet...

...Bosh's departure has made Toronto's roster one of the most depressing sights in the league. Their best returning players (Andrea Bargnani, DeMar DeRozan and Jose Calderon) strike fear in no one's heart (unless you count their fantasy owners). Their new additions (Leandro Barbosa, Amir Johnson, Linas Kleiza and draft pick Ed Davis) would be decent pickups for a team that was already pretty good. But the Raptors aren't pretty good. And this season, they might even be the worst team in the league.