Yikes. I think Doug's still pissed about those four-point plays...
Mavericks-Bulls: Allow me, if you will, to quote myself. From By The Horns:
It was a real defensive battle out there, folks. The kind where it looked like both teams were wading through invisible mud. Chicago hit only 36.9 percent of their shots. Dallas converted on 35.6 of theirs.
The Bulls scored 12 points in the third quarter. That represented the team’s season-low for a single quarter.
The Mavs finished with 77 points. That was their third-lowest output of the season. On December 28, minus leading scorer Dirk Nowitzki, they scored 76 points against the Raptors. On January 15, in Dirk’s first game back, they managed only 70 points against the Grizzlies in Memphis.
The teams combined for two fast break points. Chicago had none.
Nowitzki — who is a legitimate MVP candidate — went 6-for-16 from the field, missed both of his three-point attempts, and pulled down only two rebounds in 38 minutes. In case you forgot, the dude is seven feet tall and has averaged 8.4 RPG over his 13-year NBA career.
Derrick Rose had a stellar stat line: Game highs in points (26) and assists (9) to go with 7 rebounds and 2 blocked shots. Of course, he went 9-for-28 from the field, including 5-for-20 in the second half, and committed a game-high 4 turnovers.
Rose was the only Bulls player to score in double figures.
Now allow me to supplement myself. According to Hoopdata, Dallas was 5-for-12 at the rim (41.7 percent), 2-for-7 inside 10 feet (28.6 percent), 6-for-14 from 10-15 feet (42.9 percent) and 6-for-18 from 16-23 feet (33.4 percent).
Chicago was 7-for-21 at the rim (33.4 percent), including 1-for-6 by Derrick Rose and 1-for-5 by Omer Asik. The Bulls also went 4-for-10 inside 10 feet (40 percent) and 10-for-32 from 16-23 feet (31.3 percent).
My point? I'm surprised people in the United Center didn't have this reaction:
The Dallas Mavericks: The Mavs get their own entry for the way they delivered some bad news to poor Alexis Ajinca. Apparently, Dallas is working on a trade that would send Ajinca to the Raptors to create a roster spot for Peja Stojakovic without having to cut Sasha Pavlovic, whom they just signed. Ajinca was dressed and warming up at the United Center last night when Mavericks coach Rick Carlisle had to tell him to turn in his uniform and head back to the hotel.
Even to a guy like me, that's cold.
The Philadelphia 76ers: Man. Check out their last six games:
112-109 OT road loss to the Pistons 111-103 home loss to the Pacers 95-94 home win over the Bucks 96-92 OT home win over the Bobcraps 99-98 OT road loss to the Magic 100-97 road loss to the Bobcraps
Losses that were almost wins. Wins that were almost losses. But their 2-4 stretch typifies their 17-25 record and their average point differential of -0.6. On the one hand, they're losing a lot of close games. On the other hand, they're losing a lot of close games.
And it's the little, mental lapses that keep haunting the Sixers. In their previous loss, an overtime defeat in Orlando, they gave up two big four-point plays, one in regualtion and one in the OT session. Last night, they lost (in part) because they couldn't adjust to a single play.
The Bobcats' owner had to love what he saw from [Gerald] Henderson down the stretch.
Henderson, a bit player under former coach Larry Brown, has become part of the rotation though he is hardly known for his shooting. But he hit three consecutive jumpers on the same curl play from the right wing in the final 1:40. The last came with 26 seconds left to put Charlotte ahead 96-93.
"It was the same exact play all three times," said Henderson, who scored 11 points. "We call it 3-down and everybody in the NBA runs it. But it works because if you get two screens it's hard to defend. I came off ready to shoot, D.J. made a good pass every time and I just knocked the shots down."
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times...
Andre Iguodala: I don't mean to pick nits or anything, especially when the guy led his team with 19 points on 7-for-11 shooting to go along with 5 boards, 5 assists and 4 steals. But Iggy bricked a free throw that would have tied the game with 40 seconds left. Then, with 11 ticks on the clock, he shanked a jumper that would have brougth Philly to within a point.
And when you consider the fact that Andre gave up the four-point play in the fourth quarter of that loss to the Magic, well, it seems like he's kind of the Anti-Clutch...
...with all due disrespect to Vince Carter.
Doug Collins, coach of the year candidate: "It's always disappointing when you lose. I texted Michael [Jordan] the other night after they had beaten Chicago and congratulated him. He said 'Yeah, we can't beat you though.' So I'm sure Michael reached out to the guys for them to beat his old coach today. He probably gave them a little pep talk."
Ah, that Doug. He's the kind of friend you'd write a song about. I love how he loves to name drop MJ. I also love that his text might have moved Jordan to fire up his team.
The Los Angeles Clippers: Jordan Heimer of the TrueHoop Network wrote the lead story for today's Daily Dime. No, I'm not bitter he relegated my Derrick Rose piece to the second spot by writing about the Clippers' playoff chances (currently zero-ish percent). Not at all. Hey, the Clippers are 10 games below .500 and coached by Vinny Del Negro. They're obviously a bigger story than Derrick Rose and his burgeoning MVP candidacy.
I keed.
Actually, the Clippers are a big story. I know 16-26 doesn't sound all that impressive. But subtract the 1-13 start and you have a team that's...15-13. Which, again, doesn't sound all that impressive until you realize we're talking about the Los Angeles Clippers. And let's not forget the two most exciting words in the English language: Blake Griffin.
Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because people have been getting so excited about The Other L.A. Team's recent hot streak -- 11 wins in 15 games -- that people have begun talking about...the playoffs. And you know what that means:
The stat curse was in. I mean putting the words "Clippers" and "playoffs" in the same sentence...it just can't end well. Sure enough, the Clips submitted one of their patented "They are who we thought they were" performances, choking away an early 14-point lead and ultimately losing by 15. The Other L.A. Team shot missed 17 three-pointers, shot 43 percent for the game, and gave up 20 poitns off 16 turnovers. Meanwhile, the Brandon Roy-less Frail Blazers hit 56 percent of their shots. Although, about that Bradon Roy-less part...
Brandon Roy: Did you know Portland is 14-7 without Roy this season? Which means they were 10-13 with him. Huh.
Vinny Del Negro, super-exciting quote machine: "I thought the Blazers executed much better than we did, in the second half especially. Our defense was not good enough or tough enough."
Chris's amazing one-line lacktion ledger: Jason Kapono punched out 26 seconds of time for a Mario, while Eduardo Najera gathered up a 2.05 trillion (2:03) for His Airness.
Dwight needed a hug after the way his team quit on him last night.
The Philadelphia 76ers: Good teams find a way to win, right? Well, here at Basketbawful, we prefer to say that bad teams find a way to lose.
Enter the world of the Philadelphia 76ers.
Yeah, yeah, I know. They'd won four of their last five games. Excuse me for not being all that impressed by victories over the Nyets, Frail Blazers (during their six-game losing streak), Bobcraps and Cavaliers.
Facing a Celtics team that was playing on the road on the second night of back-to-back games without their first, second and third-string centers, the Sixers gave it everything they had. As long as you don't consider "putting a hand in a face" a part of "everything." Boston lit Philly up: 56 percent from the field and 58 percent from beyond the arc. I mean, it really did look like the C's got pretty much whatever shots they wanted.
Semih Erden -- the starting center by default -- was 2-for-2.
Still, the Sixers were persistent and the Celtics just couldn't shake them. There were 14 lead changes in the fourth quarter. It pissed me off. I'm guessing that was how Lakers fans felt on Wednesday night when it took a last second shot to pull out a win against the Clippers.
The Celtics followed the same script. Or maybe they were emulating the Milwaukee Bucks from their win against the Pacers. Eh, whatever. What happened was this. Andre Iguodala hit a running hook shot with 6.6 seconds left to give Philly a 101-100 lead. Boston responded...like this:
I know it wasn't easy. I know that. But damn if Philly's defense didn't make it look easy. Nobody ever even touched Kevin Garnett on that play.
The Sixers had 1.4 seconds left to counter, but KG stole the inbounds pass. Well, okay, it was thrown right to him. Game over.
Said Garnett: "Rajon threw a perfect pass and I just banked it. The crazy part about all that is that I messed that play up so many times in practice. It's only right that the basketball gods gave it to me tonight."
The sound you just heard was the basketball gods going "whaaaaaa...?"
Added Doc Rivers: "We worked on that last week. We tried to run it early and had bad timing. It's just funny how things work out. It's a low-clock play. The ball's in the best passer's hands, and you have shooters on the floor. The whole sell was Paul Pierce and it worked."
Said Doug Collins: "What a heartbreaking loss. To play so hard and so well. That Celtics team is so good, so well-coached, and they have so many different ways that they can attack you on the offensive end. It was just a shame. It would have been an incredible win for us here. We had a great crowd tonight, and we had some good plays. I just feel so badly for our guys."
Doug Collins, pre-game quote machine: Maybe this was why the Sixers kept things so close: "I'm hoping our guys are going to take this as a great chance to see how exciting it is to be on TNT, and obviously I'm selling TNT here a little bit."
Reggie Miller, quote machine: From Basketbawful reader Bryan: "Quality announcing by Reggie Miller after Ray Allens 3-pointer with a minute to go: 'You dont leave him wide open on a wide open 3-pointer.'"
The New Jersey Nyets: Nyets-Mavericks was more human interest story than basketball game. Avery Johnson made his emotional return to Dallas. There were hugs and handshakes and, for all I know, pre-game handjobs all around. But all the lovey-dovey feelings didn't make the Nyets not the Nyets, you know?
New Jersey -- minus rookie Derrick Favors (bruised thigh) and forced to play the final three quarters without Devin Harris (sprained shoulder) -- fell behind by as many as 18 points in the second quarter and by as many as 21 early in the second half. Then the Nyets got aggressive and went to the line 18 times in the third quarter. Yeah, you read that correctly. It was like a case of road cookin'.
I guess the officials felt sorry for Avery. He is coaching New Jersey after all.
Anyway, the Nyets got the deficit down to single digits (81-73) early in the fourth quarter, but I think we all knew how this was going to end, right? When your opponents shoots 55 percent to your 41 percent, and you're the New Jersey Nyets, the outcome is practically preordained.
Screamed Johnson: "IT WAS PRETTY EMOTIONAL. A LOT OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE HERE TONIGHT...BUT IT WAS GOOD SEEING SOME OF THE GUYS."
The Nyets are now 6-17. They've lost six in a row and 11 straight on the road. And their next game is against the Lakers. Sorry, guys.
As for the Mavs, they're now 18-4 and have an interesting five-game stretch coming up: Utah, Milwuakee, Portland, Phoenix and then at Miami.
The Orlando Magic: The Magic and Pumaman versus the Frail Blazers and the Ghost of Greg Oden. Now guess which team outrebounded the other 47-40 (including 13-6 on the offensive glass) and had a 50-34 scoring edge in the paint?
The Frail Blazers of course.
Mount Saint Howard erupted all over the Frail Blazers last night: 13-for-20 from the field, 13-for-18 from the line, 39 points, 15 rebounds, 3 blocked shots and a steal. To bad his teammates didn't make the trip to Portland with him. Jameer Nelson, Rashard Lewis and Vince Carter combined to go 10-for-36 from the field and 3-for-13 from downtown. Quentin Richardson played 18 scoreless minutes. Brandon Bass scored zero points in 13 minutes. Chris Duhon -- Orlando's key offseason acquisition -- finished with 2 points and 2 assists in 16 minutes.
Etc.
According to the AP recap: "Magic coach Stan Van Gundy sequestered his team behind closed doors well after the game."
Ooo, I bet that was fun.
Said Van Gundy: "We have to play the game better, and we have to play it with a lot more energy, alertness and cohesiveness."
Countered Howard: "You can't coach energy. You can't coach hard work. It comes from a player. If you don't want to play hard, you've got to sit down and let somebody else step up."
I'm not sure whether he said that while looking directly at Vince and Rashard, but he probably should have.
The Magic have now lost three in a row after winning six straight. They still have a decent record...but they just don't look very good. Carter and Lewis
Ron Artest, charitable quote machine: On his plan to donate "either all or some" of his 2010-11 salary to charities to benefit mental health awareness: "It's fun, it's exciting. It's almost like a basketball game because it's that exciting. It feels like dunking on somebody, and I don't dunk much. It's just exciting and it's weird. It's a weird excitement. It's not like fun and games because it's a real issue, but for me, it's exciting to be a part of. It's going to make an impact. It will snowball. It will have a domino effect later. It will have a domino effect real, real soon once people see exactly what's going on."
I hope those snowballs domino for you, Ron. I really do.
Bonus stats: Two Lakers are in the Top 10 in Win Shares: Pau Gasol and...Lamar Odom. Two Heat players are also in the Top 10: LeBron James and...Chris Bosh.
Newsflash:The Knicks are winning by scoring. Now here's the bad news I've been talking about: The Knicks have had the second-easiest schedule so far this season. They have the second-toughest schedule the rest of the way.
Chris's TNT Thursday Lacktion Report:
Magic-Frail Blazers: Marcin Gortat had exactly 5 minutes to drop a rebound and assist...only to raise Stan Van Gundy's blood pressure some with a brick, two turnovers, and a foul for a 3:1 Voskuhl.
For Portland, Patrick Mills churned out a pair of bricks from Pioneer Courthouse Square and lost the rock once there for a +3 suck differential in 5:10, while Sean Marks made 2.4 trillion (2:24) worth of celebratory moolah!
Dunked the hell on by Josh McRoberts. "This has to be the low point of his (or anyone's) NBA career" (via AK Dave)
[Note: Dan B. here reporting for early morning duty. Basketbawful himself started this post, but since his Internet connection is unavailable at the moment, I'm finishing it up for him. We are combining for a better team effort than the Cavaliers managed last night at least.]
The Cleveland Cavaliers: After beating down LeBron's new team on Monday night, the Pacers decided to do things right by pimp-slapping LeBron's old team on Tuesday. Just for good measure. Don't let the 100-89 final score fool you: Indy led by as many as 34 points in this one.
Cleveland's starters scored only 32 points. Joey Graham (11 points) was the only one who reached double figures. And even then, Graham had the best plus-minus of all Cleveland starters at -21.
Byron Scott, coach of the year candidate: "This isn't even close to rock bottom. It's a good test for us. This team and this franchise have not had to play through adversity in the last seven years. The Pacers are a pretty good team and we played that bad."
The Atlanta Hawks: They've joined the Miami Heat in the "We've gone from only beating bad teams to getting beaten by bad teams" club. That's right: The Dirty Birds lost to the Nyets. All I can say is...
...BROOK LOPEZ SMASH!!
Big Brooklies had a season-high 32 points, Devin Harris added 27, and the Hawks didn't have the firepower to match up. With the Nyets.
Said Avery Johnson: "TWO GUYS THAT WE RELY ON HEAVILY CAME THROUGH. NOW WHAT I'M SHOWING THEM IS IF THEY CAN CONSISTENTLY HAVE THAT AGGRESSION AND THAT ATTACKING ATTITUDE, IT MAKES US A BETTER BALL CLUB. THEY DON'T HAVE MANY NIGHTS WITH THIS TEAM WHERE THEY CAN TAKE OFF."
Joe Johnson: 6-for-18. The $119 million slump continues.
Game Recap, unintentionally dirty quote machine: Via Basketbawful reader Allison, "Word choice fail from Nets-Hawks recap on Yahoo: 'The erection of steel started at the Barclays Center at Atlantic Yards in Brooklyn on Tuesday.' There's *got* to be a better way to put that..."
The Philadelphia 76ers: From 15-point fourth quarter lead to an overtime loss to the Wizards Generals. Make it 3-11 on the year...1-7 on the road.
The Goat of the night? It was...
Jrue Holiday: He went running at John Wall with 3.5 seconds left in regulation, committing one of the dumbest fouls of the season. Wall was at least 40 feet from the rim...but he flipped up a shot and was awarded three freebies. Johnny Storm hit all three, forcing overtime, and, well, you know what happened.
Said Holiday: "I didn't think he was shooting the 3. I honestly thought he was going to the basket. I really wasn't trying to foul him. I just got my arm in there and he went up. It was a foul."
No. It was a FAIL.
Doug Collins, coach of the year candidate: "All we had to do was just finish out the game, and we just made critical mistakes again. That's just crushing us. That's been the story of our whole first 14 games of the season. You've got to be careful because when a guy is running at you with the ball like that, you've got to know when he sees you coming that he's going to pick up and launch it."
The Chicago Bulls: Despite facing off against the league's premier frontcourt, the Bulls held their own. In fact, they shut down Pau Gasol (3-for-10), who was owned by Joakim Noah (19 points, 13 boards, 4 steals, 3 blocked shots). Chicago outrebounded L.A. and outscored them in the paint.
Unfortunately, the Lakers bench -- "the Killer Bees" as Kevin McHale is calling them -- outscored Chicago's reserves 39-10. Shannon Brown, whom I wanted the Bulls to pursue last summer, lit up his hometown team for 21 points on 7-for-14 shooting and drilled more treys (5-for-10) than the entire Bulls team (4-for-20). Brown, Steve Blake and Matt Barnes combined for four three-pointers in L.A.'s decisive 17-2 fourth quarter run.
Hands. Faces. Somebody. Please.
Bobcats-Knicks: No defense. Lots of turnovers (39 for 58 points off turnovers). Two awful teams. But hey, at least a lot of points were scored.
Pistons-Mavericks: Yes, technically the Mavs won this game 88-84. However, when the pace is that molasses-in-January-in-Siberia slow, nobody wins. Dirk Nowitzki put up some big numbers (42 points, 12 rebounds), but was apparently the only player to set his alarm clock and wake up for this game. Caron Butler was the only other Mavs starter to score double-digits, and the team as a whole only shot 38% from the field.
On the other side of the court, Detroit managed to put together a combined effort of 11 assists and 15 turnovers. Perhaps John Kuester needs to focus more on fundamentals at their next practice, such as "pass the ball to the guys wearing the same color jersey as you." Also, the tone was set early in the game, as recapped by LotharBot in the BAD comments: "Over the first 4:27 of the Pistons-Mavs game, the Pistons starters have combined to shoot 0-5, with 1 rebound and 2 turnovers, and are trailing 11-0."
Rick Carlisle, quote machine: "It was a slower-paced game, a playoff-style game." Except, you know, for the Pissed-Ons being involved.
Sasha Vujacic, nickname machine: Via Wild Yams, "This is awesome. Of course, what isn't awesome when it's making fun of Sasha Vujacic?"
The Miami Heat: Again via Wild Yams, we finally have an explanation for why the Heat are not a good basketball team. No, it's not because they don't have anything resembling a point guard, or because their paint is protected by two men with a combined age of 847.
Chris's Lacktion Report: Chris may be in New York for a few days, but at least he's smart enough to avoid going to a Bricks game. The stink of Purple Pauper basketball is already all over him. He'd never make it out alive if he tried to watch a Bobcats-Bricks game in person. However, that does leave him time to compile the lacktion details:
Hawks-Nyets: Maurice Evans tossed one brick from Newark Penn Station and fouled twice in 7:39 for a +3 suck differential, while for New Jersey, Stephen Graham missed one shot in 4:07 and added a foul for a +2.
Sixers-Generals: Alonzo Gee celebrated his new start with Washington by a 4-second defeat of King Koopa for a Super Mario!
Bobcats-Knicks: Nazr Mohammed, Michael Jordan's starting big man of choice, had a statline so stunning (and described as "epic" here) it has to be repeated near verbatim: 4:27 on the floor, FOUR bricks, two rejections, two fouls, for a PLUS EIGHT SUCK DIFFERENTIAL. Amazingly, this only ended up being a 2:0 Voskuhl - but this made him officially Lacktator #100 on the young Association season!!!!
Pistons-Mavs: Ian Mahinmi had himself a piece of masonry in 3:06 for a +1
Said Paul Milsap: "I guess, getting behind. I guess that's what it takes to show all our talents."
The Jazz got behind while the Magic were getting it from behind. Utah put on a 24-2 run between the third and fourth quarters and then outscored Orlando 39-20 in the fourth to win 104-94, completing a staggering 28-point turnaround. On the road. Against a supposed contender. On the second night of back-to-backs. After beating the Super Friends of South Beach.
Said Stan Van Gundy: "Ridiculous professional basketball."
By ridiculous, SVG must be referring to the 25 points his team gave up off 21 turnovers (including 6 TOs for Dwight Howard). Or maybe it was the 11 missed free throws (including 8 by Pumaman). Or maybe it was the defense, which, well, yeah.
Balls.
Bonus bawful from reader William W.:
Watching Jazz vs Magic out of the corner of my eye, with ~3:50 left in the fourth quarter Rashard Lewis drove to the basket and then kicked out to the corner for a three... but the pass bounced off the legs of one of his teammates on the bench who was half standing up. Best part, the intended recipient (Redick I think) was wearing a towel. Cut to Stan Van Gundy mouthing "you've got to be f***ing kidding me". When the Magic were next on the offensive end Redick had a warm-up jacket on.
Jerry Sloan, quote machine: "Improbable? We're supposed to be able to play. It wasn't probably, it was just a matter of trying to come and play and worry about what happened later."
Also, regarding whether Miami-Orlando was the toughest back-to-back road combination the Jazz could have faced:
"You mean because of the weather? It's a 20-minute flight. It's not so bad."
Have I mentioned I have a man crush on this crotchety old bastard?
Carlos Boozer: From Basketbawful reader Stockton:
Utah's Paul Millsap is one of three players in the league averaging at least 20 points and 10 rebounds per game. Millsap is posting a team-high 24 points and 10.9 boards per outing, joining Howard and the Lakers’ Pau Gasol in the esteemed category.
As for Boozer, he leads the league in injuries caused by bags.
The Atlanta Hawks: Okay. Where are all those "Don't forget about the Hawks!" articles and blog posts now?
There's no sugarcoating this one: The Bucks flat out pummeled the Dirty Birds. Milwaukee won the second quarter 33-14. The Bucks' reserves outscored Atlanta's bench 35-6...in the first half. Milwaukee led by as many as 30 points and the Hawks had to outscore them 32-20 in the fourth quarter to make the final score (108-91) simply "humiliating and pathetic" instead of "totally retarded."
By the way: The game was in Atlanta.
Said Al Horford: "It's hard to explain. I don't understand what happened."
Added Josh Smith: "When adversity hit us in the face, we went our separate ways."
And Hawks coach Larry Drew said: "When it gets a little tough, we have a tendency to hold our heads down. I don't want to see our guys hang their heads."
Uh oh. Is somebody going to warn him or should I?
Joe Johnson: The line: 13 points, 5-for-13, 0-for-3 from downtown, 2 rebounds, 3 assists. The contract: Six year, $119 million.
The Houston Rockets: TWO MEN ENTER. ONE MAN LEAVES.
The Rockets and Wizards Generals had their own Short Bus version of the Thunderdome last night. Houston was 1-5 and Washington was 1-4. Somebody was coming out of this with two wins...and somebody wasn't.
The Rockets were the wasn'ts.
John Wall went into Rookie God Mode (19 points, 13 assists, 10 rebounds, 6 steals) and poor Yao Ming -- SHOCK ALERT! -- got injured (strained tendon) six minutes and 14 seconds into the game. The Rockets shot 39 percent, gave up 25 fast break points and further tarnished the money ball genius of Daryl Morey.
Said Rick Adelman: "I was disappointed again. Every game we've had this year -- except for the one we won -- right down to the fourth quarter, we have a chance to win, and we don't get it done."
The Celebration of Chinese Heritage: From Basketbawful reader Myles N.:
Watching the Wizards game? Asian Heritage Night makes for pretty funny commentary.
During a commercial break they did a tiny piece on 'Dray learning more about Yi's "culture" by going to a Chinese restaurant in Chinatown. I'm not sure how familiar you are with "Chinatown" in DC - but it's pretty much two blocks. So this is already a little funny for me. They then cut to show 'Dray and Yi sitting down and eating together, and the narrator drops a choice quote - "This kinda reminds me of Rush Hour!".
The Toronto Raptors: TWO MEN ENTER. ONE MAN LEAVES.
There was another Thunderdome brewing in Toronto last night as the 1-6 Bobcats took on the 1-6 Craptors for the rights to a 1-7 record.
Well, the Craptors "won" that right.
Toronto actually kept it close by scoring 36 points on the fast break. Of course, they gave up 21 points off 17 turnovers. The most costly turnover came at the end. With the 'Cats holding a three-point lead and only five seconds to go, Stephen Jackson stripped the ball from Andrea Bargnani. And that was Game Over.
Andrea Bargnani: "I lost the ball. There's no more to describe. He tipped it away."
The Cleveland Cavaliers: There were some feel-good vibes going down in Cleveland. And why not? The so-called Unamazing Cavaliers had defied the early-season odds by opening the year 4-3 and leading the Central Division. The Nyets came into the game riding one of the longest November losing streaks in league history.
So naturally, the Cavs -- playing at home -- lost.
What can I say? It was a close game. Mo Williams got hurt (again) and Devin Harris was really good (31 points, 9 assists). The Cavs gave up 15 offensive boards and 35 free throw attempts.
The New York Knicks: Throw in a classic revenge game for David Lee (28 points, 11-for-17, 10 rebounds, 4 steals, 2 assists) and a mind-boggling 74 points in the paint and you have a pretty standard 122-117 homecourt loss for Mike 'Antoni's Bricks.
That's three losses in a row for New York.
Said Amar''''''e Stoudemire: "We just can't get comfortable with losing. That's the mentality that we can't have. So we've got to make sure that we understand how important it is to look at film and look at ourselves in the mirror and try to improve individually, and then ultimately we'll get better as a team. Hopefully we all as players will understand that and move on."
Speaking of STAT...
Amar''''''e Stoudemire: In many ways, Sun Tzu or whatever he calls himself had his best game of the season: 33 points, 9-for-15 from the field, 10 rebounds. But he was also the heart of an interior defense that gave up 74 points.
I'm just sayin'.
The Philadelphia 76ers: The Sixers were without Andre Iguodala (Achilles tendinitis) and Jason Kapono (personal reasons), yet they still managed to play tough on the road against the Oklahoma City Thunder. In fact, Philly was down only 99-96 with 2:35 to play and seemed poised for a key defensive stop considering the Thunder had to inbound the ball with only one second left on the shot clock.
Well, one second and one Thabo Sefolosha lob pass to Russell Westbrook later, the Sixers' wills were pretty much broken. That's been Philly's season. Mental lapses, communication breakdowns, sloppy play. Hey, who's coaching these guys, anyway?
Doug Collins, coach of the year candidate, Part 1: "We've just got to be better in those crucial situations, and let's not take anything away. Durant's the leading scorer in the league and Westbrook is unbelievable, so it's not like we got beat by two guys who aren't great, great players. These guys won gold medals this summer."
Doug Collins, coach of the year candidate, Part 2: "Basketball is a game of mistakes but you have to minimize them under pressure. We had a couple turnovers, loose with the ball, and then those two critical [plays] -- the three-point play and then Scotty Brooks drew up a great play, and we did not communicate."
Lou Williams: Let's see: 6 points on 2-for-11 shooting including 1-for-5 from beyond the arc. Oh, and Philly got outscored by 12 when he was on the floor.
The Memphis Grizzlies: What did Memphis coach Lionel Hollins think about his team's 106-91 home loss to the Mavericks: "Even if you are shooting 20 percent, you can still compete by playing defense, rebounding and make the other team have one less point than you. You can't just quit and not compete."
Aaaaaand...
"It's just one in 82 [games]. You try to win as many as you can. You try not to have a whole lot of these stinkers. That's what this was. A stinker."
For the record, Dallas shot 54 percent, scored 18 fast break points and led by as many as 21 points. Shawn Marion had a "back in my Phoenix days" performance with 20 points on 10-for-15 shooting and Jason Terry hit for 25 on 11-for-16 from the field. Hell, Brian Cardinal even had 5 points.
And, sweet baby Jesus, I know this will end up on the lacktion report but Hasheem Thabeet had a six trillion! I love this game!
Rick Carlisle, quote machine: "This guy is so tough, it is ridiculous."
Carlisle was talking about Dirk Nowitzki. No, really.
Dirk Nowitzki, pain management specialist: "It's usually the initial pain that hurts a little bit."
Initial pain hurts a little. Not always. But usually.
The Los Angeles Clippers: No Eric Gordon (shoulder). No Chris Kaveman (sprained ankle, painful ugliness). No Baron Davis (fat). No Randy Foyes.
Still, The Other L.A. Team kept the game reasonable close despite playing on the road against a good team. They were down only 95-90 with a few minutes to go when the camera panned to Vinny Del Negro calmly drawing up a play during a timeout with seemingly nobody looking on. If that's not Game Over, I don't know what is.
Check out this little snippet from the AP recap:
Injuries have decimated the Clippers, who are off to another horrendous start for the woebegone franchise. They fell to 1-8, so far showing no signs of the playoff potential that first-year coach Vinny Del Negro felt he had.
Vinny Del Negro + the Clippers = No playoffs ever.
Blake Griffin, quote machine, Part 1: "It's not like we're going out there and giving up. It's tough. We've already lost more games than we lost my last year in college, and [Oklahoma] played almost three time the amount of games we've played."
Welcome to the Clippers, Blake.
Blake Griffin, quote machine, Part 2: "We got five guys hurt. It's weird; we came out of the locker to warm up and it was like half our team out there. It's like going into a battle with half your guys."
Again, welcome to the Clippers, Blake.
Blake Griffin: 11 points on 18 shot attempts.
And once again, welcome to the Clippers, Blake.
Richard Jefferson, unintentionally dirty quote machine: "You look at Manu [Ginobili] and Tony [Parker]; they have the balls in their hand the majority of the game."
The Sacramento Kings: The morbidly depressing Timberwolves -- losers of six straight games -- brought their fail wagon to Sacramento to take on the previously 3-1 Purple Paupers. Minny was 0-5 on the road and playing the second night of back-to-back roadies following a tough loss to the Lakers.
This shoulda been a gimmie, right?
Instead, the Sactowners fell victim to a career night by Michael Beasley: 42 points on 17-for-31 shooting (including 7-for-10 from the line) to go with 9 rebounds, 2 assists and a steal. Sebastian Telfair -- yes, Bassy's still alive -- added 16 points on 8-for-14 shooting and Darko Milicic even submitted a near double-double (9 points, 8 boards).
Meanwhile, the Paupers shanked 12 free throws and surrendered 25 points off 19 turnovers. But hey, at least they held the T-Wolves to zero fast break points. So they have that going for them, which is nice.
Tyreke Evans: Wow. Rough night for the Freak: A season-low 5 points on 1-for-5 shooting to go with 9 assists and 5 turnovers. He even airballed a free throw attempt in the third quarter. Oh, and he fouled out with 9:02 left in the fourth.
Said Evans: "I just couldn't get into a rhythm; it was hard to play with foul trouble and coming out of the game. They were playing good defense and making me pass the ball."
Whaaaaa...? A point guard passing the ball?! Unheard of!
Watching Darko is something everyone needs to do at least once this year. He's the Mona Lisa of bawful. Just truly terrible to watch.
Example: Darko grabbed an offensive rebound against the Paupers and immediately turned the ball over. The ball wasn't stolen or anything. Darko tried to pass the ball, but he threw it to no one. And I mean, there was none of his teammates near the general vicinity where Darko was passing the ball.
Paul Westphal, coach of the year candidate: "Obviously Michael Beasley was someone we didn't have any success at all guarding tonight. We tried pretty much everything we could try, and he had the answer [for them all]."
"Kevin Garnett will not -- will not -- get a Christmas gift from me. I don't like him."
"He's a very mean guy. Where's the love? None at all. Ugly, too."
"I had his poster in my room, I used to wear his jersey. And the truth is my rookie year, I was in admiration of this guy, and he kind of shut me down."
"And he was very mean to me my rookie year. And he's only mean to the young guys and the [European players], for some reason. I don't know why, but that's who he doesn't like. He's not nice. I talk a lot of trash out there, but c'mon, be a little sensitive. Be sweet."
Yeah. It's always a good idea to give the Celtics bulletin board material.
Chris's Lacktion Report:
Bucks-Hawks: Jarron Collins avoided pure lacktivity in 10:21 with an assist, but fouled and lost the rock three times each for a 6:0 Voskuhl.
Jazz-Magic: For the bebop cowboys, Francisco Elson treated them to a ledger appearance by countering a board in 5:11 with two fouls for a 2:1 Voskuhl. Meanwhile, fellow improviser Gordon Hayward bricked and fouled once in 4:10 for a +2 suck differential.
Bobcats-Raptors: DeSagana Diop dropped into Voskuhl territory again by negating one block in 3:58 with a foul, earning a 1:0 Madsen-level ratio.
Rockets-Generals: Hilton Armstrong asked room service to unmake his two boards in 9:29, and two fouls with one giveaway certainly undid a mildly productive night with a 3:2 Voskuhl.
Nets-Cavs: Quinton Ross's +3 in 4:50 via two bricks and a foul actually worked out for a celebratory cause, along with Joe Smith's 4.35 trillion and Damion James's 36 second Mario.
Warriors-Knicks: Timofey Mozgov moseyed into the ledger by countering a 100% free throw percentage (on two shots) in 1:59 with 3 fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl.
Mavs-Grizzlies: For Mark Cuban's collective, Ian Mahinmi had himself a +1 via foul in 3:52, also earning a 1:0 Voskuhl. Speaking of riches, former #2 overall pick Hahseem Thabeet found a gold mine worth 5.85 trillion (5:52)!
Sixers-Thunder: Cole Aldrich came into tonight's game ready to play some defense, and he did do so with two boards in 9:04. He lalso however fouled four times and lost the rock thricely for a 7:4 Voskuhl!
Clippers-Spurs: Chris Quinn continues to be the lacktive good luck charm for Gregg Popivch - with San Antonio not only 3-0 in his appearances, but richer tonight with a 1.2 trillion (1:11)!
Hey Bawfulites - this is one of my few ever actual entries on Bawful. Usually I'm too busy and lazy to contribute directly, but Bawful browbeat me with merciless texts until I capitulated in tears. As a sidenote, I like basketball, but I'm not the pro that many are here with stats, history, etc. So if you want an in-depth analysis, look elsewhere. I just went as a fan of basketball and Basketbawful.
At any rate, I knew I was in for a real treat when I realized that I had Friday evening free for a Friday-Saturday student conference for which I was serving as the advisor. I went to get tickets for the Sixers versus the Cavaliers, and as an experiment there were 6-seat blocks of tickets in every single section. Last time Bawful and I hit a Bullies game on short notice, it was like trying to find a clean hooker in Cuba. (We found tickets, but they weren't ones we wanted). But no matter, we got upper deck seats behind the benches at half court. And my anticipation began.
When we got there the crowd was electric. I mean, the little 6-year old dropping f-bombs to his mom was really excited. And the girls signing us up for credit cards just after the gate were so excited they actually grabbed one of my students after he said, "No thanks." Ahh, it was good to be back in Philly. We went ahead and proceeded to our seats, about 15 minutes before the tip. So we could beat the crowd and get settled.
We made it.
I thought I was in a new episode for The Walking Dead . The emptiness was nightmarish. The only folks around were the Hare Raisers and the "Fans of the Game". In case you're too lazy to click that first link, they're the acrobatic posse for Hip-Hop, the least memorable mascot in the world. The PA system was blaring all sorts of gangster rap, which I think was targeted to the young, African-American population that wasn't coming to the game. Because they've got more standards than I do.
The teams finally come out to warm up, and it looked promising for a bawful game. The Cavs literally just did ten solid minutes of slow-motion layups. No jumpers. No dunks. Just boring layups. Fast forward past half-assed Hare Raiser shenanigans and a decent national anthem (thanks for printing the words -- I had a moment of patriotic despair when I realized we need to karaoke our own national anthem), and we were then treated to the best part of the game. The pre-game video.
I had honestly forgotten the entire legacy of the 76ers. I generally think of Barkley, Dr. J and Wilt. Of course Iverson was in that movie too, but they included scenes of Moses Malone, Maurice Cheeks, Billy Cunningham, Hal Greer, Dolph Schayes, World B. Free (how could I forget him?), Darryl Dawkins, George McGinnis, and Doug Collins. Sorry folks. No Shawn Bradley. But seriously, the 76ers have quite a long history, especially if you go back to their Syracuse days and beyond. No matter how bawful they get, you can't take that away from them.
The game opens and of course neither Varejao nor Hawes can get it on first jump. It pretty much falls onto Varejao who quickly bats it away before it gets stuck in his Jerry Curls. And the next 12 minutes convinces me that if defense was not included in the ticket price. Mo Williams was just waltzing to the basket with abandon, and Varejao was getting easy boards and putbacks. Oh, and flops. After Holiday hit him at about 6 MPH, Varejao flew out of the paint like a wad of wet paper towels out of a PVC potato cannon. At this point I text bawful that the Cavs are up by 20 in the FIRST QUARTER and that Varejao is flopping. "Natch" is the reply.
The other best part of the evening then took place. CRAB FRIES! What better awesome treat for the Craboliers game? Seriously. I'm a right fat bastard compared to most of you. I like my food. And when I die in the sack at 65 it is a conscious choice! So the crab fries were totally on my radar as my only source for dinner that night. The only sad part was that since I was advising students, no beer for me. I guess it did keep the tab down. Oh, and in PA we have Yuengling: America's oldest beer. It is so much better that Barfweiser or Miller Diarrheal that it's my gold standard throughout the year. If you ever get the chance, do it. But, sadly, I passed and instead reached for an ice, cold, root beer.
During this time the announcer must have drunk the purple Kool-Aid, because he officially died worse than the defense in the game. At one point, Jamario Moon made a wide-open jumper, and the only thing over the PA was a strange mix of Ben Stein and Bob Thornton from Slingblade: "Jamario. Moon." The Sixers though, started battling back. I think it was less of a desire to win and more of a lack of understanding that they were even down 20. The Cavs started missing a few more shots due to the smell of the Crab Fries, and at half the Sixers were only down about 10.
Here's where I realized that some teams are in sorry financial shape. The last few games I’ve been at have been in Chicago, where they can afford such awesome hits as Duo Design. The Sixers ran three "follow the peanut" games on the scoreboard and had two contestants try to hit jumpers from the layup position (worth $2), free throw ($3) and a three-pointer ($5). They had three minutes. The winner won $10 to $3. And despite all of that, it was still better than Duo Design.
I just can't reference Duo Design. Instead,
I'll post the reaction to our contestants.
The third quarter made it seem like the Sixers cared about winning. Elton Brand started coming over the PA more and more. I did a rough calculation – I figured his contract was about $15 mil this year (good guess – it’s $15,979,099). With the math on my cell phone, I figured he was getting paid about $183 K for this game. Each time his name got called, it was worth anywhere from $9 to $16 thousand dollars. Freaking SlingBen Stein on the PA was making me depressed. I then noticed Holiday was having a holiday on the Cavs. Who is Holiday? I don’t even know this guy. As a little perspective, he’s making $1.6 mil this year. Every time his name got called he was making a little more than $1,000 dollars each time. And by the hustle in the game, *he’s* the one that should have been paid 10 times the amount of other players.
Thank god for the 4th quarter though, because surely the magnets that held down defender’s shoes would be turned off. Right? RIGHT? Well, the first two quarters of the game the Cavs put up 34 and 27 points, and then bricked their way to 18 points in the third quarter. If Philly could just keep them to about 24-25 points, they can score more than the 6 they need to win! Or, instead, they forget all about defense and treat the lane like it’s Vault 87.. Daniel Gibson and Mo Williams were waltzing in the lane constantly. And, in a way that only a team anchored by Elton Brand can do, the Sixers proceeded to stand around more aggressively to give up 44 points in the fourth and lose the game.
Overall, I felt like I spent $45 bucks for a good pick-up game. There were almost no set plays, awful defense, and bewildered guys just hoping to get back on the bench for their own Crab Fries. But one thing about NBA games that I can always appreciate, is the parts of the game you only get to see live.
Last season, Boston's two biggest problems were age and injuries. Their offseason response was to get older and more injury prone with the acquisitions of Shaq and Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal. Remember: The 2009-10 Celtics were only a few baskets away from winning Game 7 of the NBA Finals on the road against a pretty good Lakers team. So how seriously should we take the 2010-11 Celtics? Let me put it this way: Even die-hard Boston fans have to answer that question by saying, "If Shaq and/or Jermaine O'Neal can just..."
That's right. All it's going to take is for Shaq and The Drain the make an actual, basketball-related impact on their new team. Mind you, this is something they've utterly failed to do in each of the last couple stops of the NBA careers. Shaq sunk the Seven Seconds or Less Era in Phoenix before helping Cleveland lose LeBron James forever.
As for The Drain, he got passed around like a hot potato after the Pacers finally suckered somebody into taking his giant contract off their bloodstained hands, and he was declared legally deceased during Miami's one-round playoff run last season. Mind you, it was the Celtics are the team who eliminated the Heat, so they got to watch his playoff implosion up close. How bad was he? Well, he went 9-for-44 from the field, his PER was 2.5 and he finished the series with an Offensive Rating of 57. Oh, and in Miami's elimination game, he grabbed only two defensive rebounds.
But you know what? I don't see those shambling mounds as Boston's biggest problems. As a Celtics fan, I'm much more worried about the fact that Rajon Rondo still can't hit jump shots with consistency or knock down clutch free throws. Those two factors may very well have cost the Celts the 2010 NBA title. Speaking of things that may have cost Boston the title, how about Ray Allen's playoff shooting slump? Look, shooters slump, I get that. But Allen's have been getting worse, lasting longer and are becoming more critical because they're happening during the playoffs. Are these things going to get better by tacking on another year and more miles to his odometer? On top of those factors, now that Tony Allen is marinating in the Grizzlies locker room, who's going to hound the Kobes and LeBrons of the world?
And let's not forget the C's lost their defensive guru, Tom Thibodeau, to the Chicago Bulls.
Look, the Celtics are going to win their division. Mostly because the other teams in the Atlantic are the crappiest of the crappy crap (see below). And they'll definitely be dangerous come playoff time, assuming everybody remains relatively healthy. But the 2010 Finals proved that championships are won and lost by the slimmest of margins. The Celtics just have too many question marks and what ifs.
The New Jersey Nyets
Last season, the Nyets managed only 12 wins and needed a late-season run -- if you can consider five wins in their last 12 games a "run" -- to avoid becoming the worst team (in terms of wins and losses) in NBA history. Still, as horrific as the season was -- poor Brook Lopez has permanent handprints on his face from all the facepalming he did last year -- all the losing was supposed to have a happy ending. After all, New Jersey had stockpiled cap space for the summer's free agent bonanza and their record practically made them a mortal lock for the number one overall draft pick. If they could just win the draft lottery and select John Wall...
...only they didn't win the draft lottery. They got the third pick, which they used to select Derrick Favors, a kid with decent long-term potential but little chance of making an impact this season. Other key acquisitions include Travis Outlaw, Anthony Morrow, Troy Murphy, Quinton Ross, Jordan Farmar, Stephen Graham, Joe Smith's corpse and Johan Petro (for $10 million over three years...WTF?!).
I'm have absolutely no idea what kind of Frankenstein's monster new GM Billy King (a.k.a. the guy who once destroyed the Philadelphia 76ers) expects new coach Avery Johnson to build out of this freaky warehouse of scrap parts. But I can't wait to find out.
But you know what the best part is? After last year's near-record setting failfest, there's virtually no way the Nyets can't improve this season. Even a conservative estimate of, say, 24 wins would be an enormous improvement. So expect better days in New Jersey. Relatively speaking.
The New York Knicks
During the offseason, the Bricks spent $100 million on Amar''''''e Stoudemire. Which would be fine if Amar''''''e wasn't a total fraud.
Okay, okay. That's not fair. Stoudemire isn't a total fraud. The guy is a stud on offense, ranking 5th in free throw attempts (632), 7th in field goal percentage (.557) and 10th in points per game (23.1). However, most of those sparkling stats came at the end of an assist from Steve Nash. In Phoenix, Amar''''''e lived off the variety of dunks, layups and pick-and-pops that Nash created. Conversely, Stoudemire was at his absolute worst when trying to create offense on his own. Unless he could simply blow by his man and not encounter any help defense at the rim, the dude looked like a baby deer trying to run on ice skates. STAT isn't a creator, he's a finisher. What's he going to finish in New York? Other than the hopes and dreams of Knicks fans everywhere. Assuming those suckers have any hopes and dreams left.
Stoudemire cowers from defensive rebounds the way Ron Artest shrinks away from giant snake eggs. And his answer to "defense" is to either leap out of the way matador style or reach in with the awkward clumsiness of a teenage boy groping his first real breast, which is why he ranked 5th in personal fouls last season (281).
The point is: If Amar''''''e is the foundation of your team -- the unquestioned heart and soul -- then your team is officially f***ed. I fully expect Stoudemire to become this season's premier 20-10-50 guy.
Knicks hopefuls might want to point out that Donnie Walsh flipped David "All O, No D" Lee for Anthony Randolph, Ronny Turiaf and Kelenna Azubuike. I would remind those people that the team's starting point guard is Raymond Felton (a poor pick-and-roll player) and the team doesn't have much in the way of consistent, high-percentage three-point shooting. These things do not play to Stoudemire's strengths.
In other words: Expect New York's playoff drought to continue.
The Philadelphia 76ers
Year Two of The Elton Brand Era saw the Sixers win only 27 games and finish tied for the third-worst record in the Eastern Conference. According to the Pythagorean Wins calculated by Basketball-Reference.com, Philly was better than only the following teams: New Jersey, Minnesota, The Other L.A. Team, Detroit and Washington. That's a real rogue's gallery of suck, right there.
During 2009-10, the Sixers should have worn masks with question marks on them, because the team had no identity whatsoever. I mean, they were supposed to be a running team yet finished the season ranked 22nd in Pace and 23rd in PPG. Furthermore, they ranked 22nd in three-point percentage (.343) and their inside game was anchored by Elton Brand, who was granted Living Statue status by the world's leading statueologists. Basically, there really wasn't much of anything this team did particularly well. Other than lose, that is.
Now ask yourself this: Has anything of major significance changed from last season to this season? Flipping Sammy Dalembert for Andres Nocioni and Spencer Hawes makes the team...whiter...I guess. Number two overall pick Evan Turner was a summer league disappointment. And as for new coach Doug Collins, well, did you see his last two seasons as a head coach in Washington? He lost the trust of every player on that team not named Michael Jordan, and that was only because he was Jordan's Yes Man.
Which is why the quarterback battle between Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick is the only real ray of hope Philadelphia fans have right now.
Sorry, Philadelphia fans.
The Toronto Raptors
Last season, Chris Bosh ranked 6th in the league in rebounds per game (10.8), 7th in free throw attempts (590) and 9th in points per game (24.0). He was also 4th in Player Efficiency Rating (25.0), trailing only LeBron James (31.1), Dwyane Wade (28.0) and Kevin Durant (26.2). Of course, Bosh put together what was probably his best statistical season during a contract year while playing for a Raptors team that failed to make the playoffs. But those are just facts, so feel free to discard them.
(Reality check: Bosh ranked 7th in the league with 7.9 Offensive Win Shares, yet ranked only 19th overall with 9.6 Win Shares. For those of you who enjoy simple math, that means Bosh had only 1.7 Defensive Win Shares during his best statistical season. How is that possible? I'm sure it had nothing whatsoever to do with him gunning it on offense to improve his free agent standing.) Anyway, even though Bosh was lighting it up -- at the offensive end, anyway -- the Raptors still floundered down the stretch and missed the postseason (thanks largely to an injury to Bosh). When Bosh decided to take his talents to South Beach, it was done to a massive chorus of "Good riddance!!" from Canadians everywhere. And yet...
...Bosh's departure has made Toronto's roster one of the most depressing sights in the league. Their best returning players (Andrea Bargnani, DeMar DeRozan and Jose Calderon) strike fear in no one's heart (unless you count their fantasy owners). Their new additions (Leandro Barbosa, Amir Johnson, Linas Kleiza and draft pick Ed Davis) would be decent pickups for a team that was already pretty good. But the Raptors aren't pretty good. And this season, they might even be the worst team in the league.
